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User Topic: He will be home soon
kellyAnn65
♀ New Member
Member # 44211
What?  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Well my husband will be home soon from being with his girlfriend....I am not sure how to act when he gets here should I be nice to him when he gets here ?? I don't know I have so many emotions going through my head right now and the knot that will not leave my stomach

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Florida
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know your story, since this is your first post, and you have nothing in your profile.

But my first reaction is..no..don't be nice to him. He has a girlfriend..so you are sharing your husband with OW? Fuck that. No don't be nice. Find your bitch boots and tell him he can either go no contact with OW or he can GTFO. Maybe have all his shit packed in hefty bags when he gets home..and if he refuses to make a choice..take the hefty bags and take them to OW's house and leave them on the porch.

You are not Plan B. You are his wife. He can either understand that..or get gone.

Im sorry you're dealing with this.

Welcome to SI.


(((((kellyAnn)))))

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:38 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7898 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
hopefulfourus
♀ Member
Member # 25204
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not be nice AT ALL!! You need to begin the 180 on him (you can look this up in the Library).Right now, you are allowing him his "cake eating". I've read here many times, "what you allow will continue to happen".

I'm sorry that you are here. But please know that everyone here has great advice and has been through this.

((((hugs))))


Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14

Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!


Posts: 69 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on whether you want to confront and/or whether this was a deal breaker for you.

If you want to confront: As soon as he gets in ask to see his phone. Don't take any excuses. If he has a password on it, demand he tell you it. DO NOT let him and handle the phone first or he may delete things. This way you can hopefully use the phone as p'proof' rather than letting him know you have other sources.Even if you have to tell him you know, don't tell him how you know, don't tell him what you know or he will only admit to that. Tell him you know and you want to hear the full story from him, right now...no toilet breaks for him or he may contact the OW to get stories straight.

If still want to reconcile,then tell him exactly what you need him to do. (timeline of the affair & any other infidelities, no contact letter to the OW, complete no contact with the OW, incl not looking her up on social media etc. telling you straight away if she attempts to contact him & that he is to hang up/not reply if she does, get himself into counselling, read "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" etc) Then wait to see if he does it. If he doesn't he is not remorseful. But you don't have to decide anything right away.


If it's a dealbreaker or your're not ready to confront:Tell him you're sick. You are, it's not a lie. It also gives you every reason to not have sex etc.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

husbands don't get to have girlfriends. Why are you even allowing him to come "home"?

Posts: 319 | Registered: Jul 2012
kellyAnn65
♀ New Member
Member # 44211
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Long story short....I have gotten myself into A situation where I can't leave I have medical issues from cancer and need his insurance..Also we have temporary custody of our 2 year old grandson. And I haven't worked enough to get SS disability was raising his kids and my kids..Just an awful mess...16 years with this man and he acts like i'm the bad guy

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Florida
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you know about OW? Is she married?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7898 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
kellyAnn65
♀ New Member
Member # 44211
Sad  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I guess she has A history of dating married men the last one she was seeing died ....Funny thing is husband says he loves me and IS in love with me but NEED (his words) this and I am in no position to do anything,...I Do love him with all my heart I am just so confused

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Florida
kellyAnn65
♀ New Member
Member # 44211
Shocked  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just got home and to see how he is acting you would think we have the perfect marriage grabbed me and told me he loves me and kissed me???? Acts like he has just been out with the guys

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Florida
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He NEEDS this? Seriously? I understand you feel backed into a corner but, you don't have to take this as a trade off. Are you ok with letting him get his kicks with this woman? What happens if he decides he needs her more than he needs you?

I like the suggestion of bagging his stuff up up hefty bags. You tell him he can have his girlfriend but, he doesn't get to stay married to you.


BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 776 | Registered: Apr 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can negotiate to stay on his insurance because of your health concerns or have him cover the cost of you being on the same policy after the divorce.

You don't HAVE to put up with this. You really don't.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2371 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also grabbing you and kissing you? That would have pissed me off and made me lose my cool. Gross. Where has he been putting his mouth while out with his girlfriend? Completely disrespectful and obnoxious. Blech

You aren't just along for this ride. You can take control of this situation. You also don't HAVE to let him touch you. You are in charge of you-he is not.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2371 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you get SSI? Do you get SS for your grandson? I took my nephew in (I later adopted him) and I get SS and Medicaid for him until he's 18. I get SS for him because I am disabled. I get Medicaid for him because he is adopted. I think SSI is for people who can't get SS but are disabled. I would look into it for you if I had time today.

Don't let yourself be used like this. If you aren't happy when he gets home, don't act like it for his sake.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KellyAnn:

See an attorney pronto.

Do not warn your husband.

Gather all your financial records and see one.

I see you live in florida.

Adultery is still a crime in florida. So get proof of the adultery.

They can subpoena the other women for direct testimony. I doubt she will want to perjure herself in court, so she will tell the truth. But try to get other proof too.

You need to freeze your bank accounts, so he can't hide money. The attorney can do this, if you bring in your account numbers.

Because he is cheating, the courts can order him to pay your health care, as well as divide the assets, and pay you back extra for caring for HIS children. Plus alimony.


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 14

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