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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My daughter has seen his porn
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Shocked  Posted: 2:08 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is midnight here, and I just had a heartbreaking conversation with my daughter. She's seen his porn. Her words, "I'm mentally scarred, Mom!" She was shaking. I thought she would vomit. She has seen it and been keeping this a secret because she was afraid she would get in trouble.

God help me.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh NG! I am so sorry you and your kids have to deal with such a sick fuck! There is a special place in hell for that pervert!

((NG and kids))


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1257 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We all knew this would happen.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We can only hope a sinkhole opens up and swallows his sick ass before he inflicts any further damage!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1257 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH EM GEE ((((Nature Girl)))) ((((NG DD))))

She needs eye bleach!

Pink Elephants!

Anything to replace that which cannot be unseen.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1234 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't think my blood could run any colder than it has during all of this discovery. I just found out that there is a level of cold, murderous fury in my soul I didn't know existed. Oh my God, this is quite the sensation, folks. Oh God...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, the parenting evaluation we're bound by says that if the children are exposed to porn then my ex has to have a mental health intervention and his parenting time reduced.

How do I go about this? I'm assuming my attorney won't help me because I'm so much in debt to him already.

I truly feel like ice right now. It is interesting to experience this as an emotionally healthy (I know that's subjective! LOL) person. All the discoveries of the past I've been so shattered. This time I feel integrated and calm, but deadly cold.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not have the right words for you. Sorry is just not enough. Please please please let's all put our heads together and offer suggestions to see how we can support NG since she may not be able to use her attorney.

Can you inform your attorney? At least you can say you did inform him/her. Perhaps he/she will be obligated (regardless of debt) to send a report or something.

Can you take her to her doctor to document what she shared? She may also be obligated to inform CPS?

Does she have a therapist? Or school counselor?

I am sure you have reassured her that she absolutely did the right thing and that she would never get in trouble for telling the truth. NG, I hope it is ok that I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2301 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I already sent an email to my attorney to tell him about this. I also asked him for a referral to someone else who could help me if he is unable to do so due to my inability to pay.

The amazing counselor we were seeing is no longer available because we cannot afford him because we lost our health insurance.

I will put a call in to our pediatrician. She might have some ideas.

Of course school is not in session for the summer, and there is no counselor there for problems of this magnitude.

Yes, I assured my sweet baby that this wasn't her fault. She knows it, but she also knows she shouldn't have seen what she's seen. She feels so ashamed and sick. I shared with her that her dad has a problem and that this is part of it. I also told her that this is one of the big reasons why we're divorced. I could see the light bulb finally click on in her eyes.

Oh my poor baby.

And based on what she described to me, she has also seen him masturbating at the computer during parenting time.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 3:03 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have her Nook. His internet searches & YouTube views are showing up in her internet history (their accounts are linked). God Almighty.

She is only 11-years old, people. Eleven.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 3:12 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call CPS. There would be others in the same boat as you. If not I'd be calling every fucking TV station and newspaper in the country to tell the story about how fucked up the system is and how it is letting you and your children down.

He is in breach of your agreement - you can't enforce it without paying legal fees. That is so fucked I can't even breathe.

People like this need to be hung, drawn and quartered. I don't even have words.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FinallyHappy
♀ Member
Member # 308
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is underage porn..call the police. Immediately.

Even if it's just 'ordinary porn' (not that I know what that is) on her computer. Call. the. police.

She's 11 and asking for help, right? There's no way she put that shit on her computer.

Maybe the police can do something your court system can not???

Maybe PM SWAT or some other SI cop guy/gal.

I know the judicial system has let you down.

I don't know how he has visitation without you knowing his address....but I hope you don't let him get away with this yet once again.

{{{{{{{{NG}}}}}}}}

[This message edited by FinallyHappy at 5:15 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none."

~Ben~

Posts: 7338 | Registered: Jul 2002 | From: WI
hemademesingle
♀ Member
Member # 21281
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please contact child protective services, you need to protect your children,the laws very so much, but what he has done could very well be chargeable offenses in your state, at least get supervised visitation, he should never be left alone with a child, any child not just his own

I understand your rage, I'm there too, only my story is years after the fact, my daughter has just come forward with the fact that she is a survivor, she saw porn at a young age, that her dad masturbated in front of her, and the worse at this point that he had her perform oral sex on him, my baby suppressed her memories, she was a scarred little girl, who is now a young woman that is coming to terms with what was done to her,

My daughter didn't start to release her memories until after she had EMDR therapy which was suggested by her counselor

Your daughter needs to have counselling, she needs to be able to process what has happened in a healthy way. What about the younger children, what might they have seen, that they don't know how to process,

I wish I could go back 10 years to when my daughter was being abused, the end would have been so much different then it is now,I would have had sick creature prosecuted, never to have unsupervised access to my children, or any child, but here I am waiting to find out when and if the police are going to charge the sick creature,historical cases are very difficult to prosecute they say, they don't want it disclosed to sick creature that he is being investigated


Posts: 393 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Canada
hopefulfourus
♀ Member
Member # 25204
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! My heart breaks for you and your daughter. Childhood should be a time of innocence. What a PIG!

I agree with the advice given so far. You can also contact CPS yourself and provide them with this information. They will send someone out. At least this would be documented and would not cost you anything.

((((Hugs))))).


Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14

Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!


Posts: 69 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
vcr1995
♀ Member
Member # 22106
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely report it to any and everyone until you find someone to help. It sounds like he is grooming her.

Posts: 307 | Registered: Dec 2008
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((NG)))))) (((((((((DD))))))))

Call the awesome therapist and explain the situation then ask what you should do? Awesome therapist may gift your DD a session or 2 to help her. The worst thing therapist will do is refer you someplace else. But you will have guidance in ways to navigate this for your baby.

More hugs coming your way.
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, NG.

A couple of suggestions: did dd11 disclose any of this to the IC she was seeing? You may be able to call her previous IC and explain the situation and perhaps he will agree to work with her and allow you to pay on a sliding scale (or at a highly-reduced rate).
OR -- have you checked into any of your local DV resources? Counselors or pro-bono L's may be available through that avenue.

What I'm thinking is that what your daughter saw may be a *mandatory report* issue for a counselor, and so if his actions are reported as a criminal-type act, *the system* might be able to do the bulk of the work for you (even though I know that *the system* has failed you in the past).


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I'm thinking is that what your daughter saw may be a *mandatory report* issue for a counselor, and so if his actions are reported as a criminal-type act, *the system* might be able to do the bulk of the work for you (even though I know that *the system* has failed you in the past).
I'm hoping this is the case, for you, too, Nature! I'm hoping that it's criminal and you will work with a DA's office and not have to pay your divorce attorney. Please read Teeghan's threads though, if you haven't, because dealing with them seems to be a whole different ball game.

I am sick to my stomach over this! Your poor baby!!

I would definitely call the previous counselor and let them know that you need help. Tell them what has happened. If they won't see you on a sliding scale (I hope like hell they will!!), they can recommend someone. If it was me, I'd call ALL previous counselors and run things by all of them. Some may not respond, but maybe one or two will have some ideas about where to go next. Definitely speak with someone at the domestic violence shelter, too.

Hugs to all of you!!!!!!! You'll all be in my prayers!


Posts: 1322 | Registered: Aug 2010
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surely him exposing himself to hid dd1 and letting her see him wanking would be illegal?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aawww NG.... I'm so sorry. Everyone else has already given great advice, so I am just sending hugs and to let you know you aren't alone....my SA fucked up asshole ex-mate has also hurt so many young children it isn't funny.

Counseling would be really helpful for your young ones, if you can't afford it and have no insurance...what about a county or state clinic that has a sliding fee scale?


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15399 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
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