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Newest Member: helpmegetthrough (44949)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My daughter has seen his porn
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((NG))))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7421 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((NG & DD11& and siblings))))

I'm sick to my stomach. I'm nauseated. I'm in tears.

If I feel that sucker punched...ME, a stranger on the internet...I can't even imagine what this is doing to you.

I have never prayed for someone to die before, but I am praying that your Ex POS meets his demise in a painful way.

I'm so sorry.

I hope that someone can help you.


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on her nook right now and my ex's email and everything is fully available to me. I am NOT clicking into it, but I could if I wanted to.

I'm seeing lots of inappropriate stuff.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my god oh my god oh my god. Crying here, NG.

Call child protective services and do whatever else everyone here is advising. Oh my god, maybe this at the very least will get him out of you children's lives for good.

The most important thing is to get authorities involved asap. Are there any women's organizations that can help with free legal advice?????????????


Posts: 1697 | Registered: Oct 2011
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for your baby girl. Maybe the rape crisis center might be able to help and offer free counseling.

There has to be someone somewhere to help you protect your kids.

((NG))


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 650 | Registered: Jan 2012
Exhausted in OH
♀ Member
Member # 34340
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are going through this - and everything that has come before.

Did the director of the CAC think this was reportable? I would try to take all 3 kids in to be interviewed by a professional.


BS 42(now 45), WH now 46
Married 15 (now 18!), together 22, 3 great kids - 15, 13, 10
DD Sept 2011 - 4mo PA; on DD also admitted to ONS in 2007
R going well
And now I realize...- Me OEA - old college friend
No longer exhausted nor in OH

Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

N_G I cannot give you any advice you haven't already received.
But I can give you a hug (((N_G)))
He is so disgusting and I'm horrified and nauseous that you and your children are having to deal with this.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2237 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to believe that is either a fluke, like GabyBaby said or your husband actually used your daughter's Nook. I can't see my daughter's emails and she can't see mine so I'm wondering if he borrowed your daughter's and forgot to unlink it or something.

And, yeah, he's disgusting. His daughter is eleven- to even look at that stuff on a shared account much less if he actually was using her Nook to do it is repulsive.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 2:49 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4089 | Registered: Sep 2005
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What happens if you notify him of what you've found and that you intend to invoke that parenting evaluation clause. After that refuse visitation. If he wants to make an issue of that, let him take you to court. He can pay for the attorneys


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think he was using her Nook to look at porn. However, her Nook is linked to his account (whatever technical jargon blah blah blah) so she has access to his Google account, email, YouTube, search results, and so forth. She says his stuff comes up unintentionally on her part. I don't know enough about Nooks to say yay or nay to that notion. I am taking all the Nooks to Barnes & Noble tonight and have them assessed.

WWIII is probably going to erupt when my ex finds out that I know what's going on at his house when he has the kids.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((NG)) leading with hugs.

Ok. I am breathing and trying to remain rational and calm because honestly, I am not asking that of you!! Lean here as much as you can.

I get that cold rage thing, and it is a scary thing to feel and know about yourself. Later, you will need to deal with that. Later. Right now, just stay in control.

However, based on the research I've done over the years and the advocacy groups which now exist, my gut tells me that I'm going to be the one who loses custody because I'm reporting this.

I understand why this is your gut fear, but it is fear based. As hard as it is, PLEASE try to focus on the HOPE based outcomes that are possible. There are good people, there are services and as much as the system fails, sometimes it works exactly the way it is supposed to.... albeit, too late in some ways.

So, because I do believe that you can bring the outcome you expect, please try to expect this to work out the best way possible at this point.

I second the motion to notify him that you are invoking the parental evaluation clause. I would state NOTHING else, just that section with numbers clauses page numbers whatever and cite it word for word and then no more visitation. If (and I think it is a pretty big if, given his transgression) he chooses to fight, let him file.

Other suggestions have been great. I have only one to add. If there is a university nearby, contact their psychology department. I had my DS evaluated there by upper class psych students, supervised by an acting Ph.D, and it was free based on their sliding scale/income.

I think he is guilty of criminal behavior and hopefully, if you show up with Nook and present it to the sex crimes division, something will be done.

I hate this, and I could rail at his nasty nasty ways, but that is not helpful and I really am trying to just be helpful, and supportive. (((tons of hugs)))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't see them because his Nook isn't hooked up to the internet.

Is there anywhere near you that has free Wifi?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So so so many hugs (((NG))) I've been trying to get words to support you but it all feels so empty. This is also such a big fear of mine having a sick fucktard as an xwh too. I sincerely hope the authorities will now act and protect your children, my trust in the system is also very limited. I hope they prove us wrong. My thoughts are with you. Just hugs!!! So many hugs! ((((NG and children))))


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I've set up an appointment with the legal clinic that helps poor people like me. First appointment, and it is only an "intake" appointment, isn't until after my ex's next parenting time. After that intake appointment then I might or might not choose to hire one of their attorneys and begin the process of getting legal advice (would require another appointment), and the person I spoke with told me they have an extremely long backlog of cases.

Meanwhile, what do I do?

Please help me craft a statement to give my ex. Be aware that he has a shark attorney who uses all tactics in the Father's Rights movement.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really lacking words here. He's a sick motherf*cker for sure.

(((NG and DD)))

Take photographs of the stuff on the nook if you can't do anything but that.

This organization helped me out when I was dealing with my DD's molestation:

www.rainn.org (rape, abuse, incest network)

Call them. I'm sure they have advice and resources on handling this.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would do

1. Take the NOOK to the police department. Wait, demand action, leave the "evidence."

armed with whatever you learn ^^there...

2. Cite the parenting agreement, cut and paste it. I would add one sentence.

No further visitation until you have completed the court ordered evaluation.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Caregiver said, but also make sure you keep evidence for yourself,too. If you let him have access, knowing what you know, you may get in trouble with CPS, even if they don't act right away. Protect your children, honey.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 994 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call CPS and the police now!

That way you are protected. I am sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing but it was my son and not my DD. He was a lot younger so he didn't know what he had seen but I did from what he described.

In my situation, the court did not do shit. I think you would get better results and faster with CPS.

Take pictures of it all! Send him an email or a text and tell him that you are aware that he has been watching porn around the kids and he isn't getting visitation until there is an evaluation.

You aren't going to loose custody of the kids over a few missed visits. Especially with what has happened.

Do not send your kids back!


Have you tried to get Medicaid? What about low income or free IC for the kids? They need to be in IC if you can get it for them.


[This message edited by peridot at 5:39 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of things to think about. What if he makes a case that he had no idea that there was a connection and it was inadvertent. I could see a case could be made even a normal parent might have something on their account that is inappropriate for children.

I would also look at the times he was in active port mode and compare that with the time he had the kids. If it was at the same time I think that would be helpful.

During high school I had a friend whose family actually hid mothers/children running away from situations like this. My understanding is that there is a whole network of people moving people around. FYI.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to take back what I said about you telling him why you are not letting him see the kids and do what was stated above and just refer him to the evaluation clause. Be very vague since he has an attorney and you don't. It's not something you have to do right now. I would put that off for the moment until you speak to someone. When is his next visit?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 124
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