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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My daughter has seen his porn
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NG))) do not do anything with the Nook until you have spoken with a lawyer. if it is currently linked to his account and he is accessing illegal pornography that might be the best evidence to get m arrested.

sending strength

saying prayers for you and the little ones


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2979 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of things to think about. What if he makes a case that he had no idea that there was a connection and it was inadvertent. I could see a case could be made even a normal parent might have something on their account that is inappropriate for children.

This is exactly what he would say, and is now what my daughter is saying. She thinks the link happened at Barnes & Noble by the employees there when they were synching something up so the kids could purchase games.

On the other hand, she also says she's tried to tell Dad about it "at least five times" but he ignores her every time and won't even listen to her.

And on the third hand she found the password for my home WiFi connection and, against my wishes, she logged herself onto the internet here at home and has been viewing YouTube videos via my ex's Google/YouTube account. So the case can be made that I've been negligent, that I shouldn't have simply taken my children's word that they weren't accessing the internet here at home, I should have checked on my own.

I have to be very careful here so that I am not perceived as the bitter ex who is out to alienate the children from their father. I have walked this very fine line far too many times. I'm sick of it. So before I call the police and CPS I'm going to Barnes & Noble to have them investigate this mysterious link/synch/whateverthehellitis. I want to have all the facts and I want to be able to honestly say that I tried everything possible to AVOID contacting the police & CPS. I know this flies in the face of every good parent's instincts. Trust me, I know. But I also know the path I've walked in this nightmare. Just as I couldn't contact the police & CPS when my daughter (different daughter) reported that Daddy laid on top of her in bed with the lights out, I am in the same legal bind now.

I have a few days until Wednesday. I'm working as fast as I can to do this right so it doesn't come back to hurt me & the kids.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh NG. I am so unutterably sorry that this is your life and your childrens lives. I just have no words.

I just want you to know that you have the whole SI army here sending you strength and mojo. I'm also manifesting some really ugly shit to your Ex.

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of things to think about. What if he makes a case that he had no idea that there was a connection and it was inadvertent. I could see a case could be made even a normal parent might have something on their account that is inappropriate for children.

Of course this could happen inadvertently. Him jacking off to it in the presence of his children could not. That is deliberate, and that is far more damaging to her.

I think you should call the police to get some info. Not 911, just the main desk at the local police station. I did this on D-day because XWH was out of town, and I didn't know what would happen when he returned and I confronted him. I needed to know what my options and legal rights were. I was also scared there might be violence. I was transferred to a very nice policewoman who answered all my questions. It was totally anonymous since I called from my cell phone. I was not asked for my name, address, or any other data. She just told me what I needed to know.

This was my local police dept. I would hope yours could provide some similar answers. If not them then perhaps the county sheriff. Explain the situation and just ask for any advice or guidance they can give *as it pertains to your safety and that of your children.* Your safety is their priority. When I called she explained my rights (which were limited) about asking him to leave, what if he wouldn't go, etc etc. But she stressed repeatedly that if at any time the situation escalated and I felt unsafe, to call them immediately and they would come and remove him.

Knowledge is power. If they can help you, you need to know in what ways. And if they can't help you, you need to know that too.

(((NG)))


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG also please talk to an advocate at the DV shelter or the courthouse. If you have knowledge and allow another visit that can be used against you later by the same system that has failed you in the past.

Can you have something "happen" to avoid the Wed visit while you figure this out? Car trouble....confusion about date of school event....?

I'm a mandated reporter and I would report this. What the system would do with the information, I don't know. But going to your school principal (they work in the summer) your pedi or any clergy and asking for help on reporting and the upcoming visit can protect your children and help safeguard your rights and access to them.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NG))))
I hope you feel the collective shudder and horror of the SI community, and also all the love and support we offer. I'm so sorry you have to fight so hard to advocate for your children, especially to protect them from their own father. Thankfully they have you, their fierce loving mother.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate this fucker sooooo fucking much.

Look, I know you are trying to 'cover you bases' so you don't appear as the bitter ex. Fuck that noise. There is porn on your daughter's nook.

If a student of mine came to me and told me what your daughter told you...it gets reported to cps. There is no checking to see if accounts were inadvertently linked. CPS can check that...the police can check that.

He is a sick fuck.
Stop painting yourself as the bitter ex that is going to be failed by the system.
You are your children's protector and only line of defense.
Please report this.
((((((NG)))))))))!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^ This.
PLEASE N_G. Please, PLEASE report this to the police.

Taking the Nook back to B&N may erase the link or give your ex a heads up. Don't let him slip through yet again.
He is dangerous. He gave a rare opportunity to you to have supervised visits at minimum.
Please, PLEASE go to the police/cps.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can download the Nook app to your phone, you can take screen shots of the history to keep as records. Once I'd done that, or taken photographs, I would take copies of these records to the police--along with the Nook itself. I would not leave it with them without first documenting, though.

I'd also contact CPS and the kids' pediatrician. The more mandatory reporters reporting, the better.

Your poor girlie. And you... I'm so very sorry you're coping with this.

My son shares my Nook account--he uses the iPhone app. That means I see the apps he downloads, and he sees/shares my books. Our browsing histories are not the same.

[This message edited by solus sto at 10:32 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8838 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every time you post about this guy, I get sick to my stomach. It makes all the bullshit with the Gnat seem like a walk in the park. I have nothing better to add. I just hope that someone in our legal system finally acknowledges what a creep this guy is and removes him from your life. (((NG and kids)))


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate this fucker sooooo fucking much.
Look, I know you are trying to 'cover you bases' so you don't appear as the bitter ex. Fuck that noise. There is porn on your daughter's nook.

If a student of mine came to me and told me what your daughter told you...it gets reported to cps. There is no checking to see if accounts were inadvertently linked. CPS can check that...the police can check that.

He is a sick fuck.
Stop painting yourself as the bitter ex that is going to be failed by the system.
You are your children's protector and only line of defense.
Please report this.
((((((NG)))))))))!

NG, I agree with Tesla, and this is even though the system has failed me- in more ways than I can bear to admit. I hope my fake key logger story isn't adding more fuel to your fears right now. You have proof that your daughter has been exposed to terrible porn. I think you might need to move quickly to do something about it. Not recklessly, but very quickly.

I feel like you need legal advice. What exact type of group did your attorney refer you to? Do they provide legal advice????

Holding you in the light. Please keep posting.

**********(((((((((((NG and DD))))))))))**********


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So his preference is 11-year-old girls, so there is CHILD PORN on the Nook?

Don't let Barnes and Noble fuck the thing up. Take that shit straight to the police. People need to be prosecuted. (Are you realizing at all that YOU are in possession of illegal materials at the moment? Straight to the police!)

I think the hardest thing here is that your daughter is going to have to "testify" to this somehow, to a counselor, a police officer, etc., because yea, otherwise it is hearsay.

My kids could have slaughtered my ex in court with their testimony, but I knew there was no fucking way I wanted them testifying if they didn't have to..

Look how hard it was for her just to tell you.. I would be most focused on your daughter, encouraging her to speak up if she is feeling uncomfortable. I'm sure like my kids, she wants to love her dad and not get him in trouble, but I'm sure she doesn't trust him and knows some shady shit is going down. I think that's how my kids feel..

Fuck lawyers and the "divorce court" system. This is abuse, and should be handled, free of charge, for you by the police and CPS.

Who the fuck is putting it in your head that you might come off as a bitter ex? Yea, fuck that noise. You have children to protect, and now that she has officially been abused and damaged emotionally, it's time to act. NOW.

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 11:00 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So a couple of thoughts. If dd 11 is just his type, is it possible this connection on her Nook wasn't an accident. You mentioned grooming and further exposing her to his sickness would constitute that. Interested to see if the other Nooks are linked as well.

Also, since she got online against your permission, if the connection was made accidentally she may well have taken advantage of it (like to search online, etc nothing nasty) then became overwhelmed by her fathers filth that she felt she had to say something.

I'm not saying either way, I'm just asking if either way is plausible?

Oh and I would not back down from reporting. If you didn't, there is nothing to stop your ex from pointing the finger at you and saying you accessed it with her device. Report away.

He is complete filth.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1874 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG,
More unsolicited advice: don't let B&N touch that NOOK! Don't let it out of your sight.

I just went backwards through the thread, and I couldn't tell if there is any child porn there. If so, you can go straight to the police.

If there is the kind of S&M porn that I suspect is on there, I think you can go to CPS. I questioned my original therapists quite closely about this. Obviously you will copy everything on there ASAP - please don't let him erase evidence. Obviously the Nook will not return on Wednesday with the children.

I want to share something with you that I don't think I've told you yet. One of the reasons why my EX got overnights is because the judge was perplexed about WHY I let Genius see the children during the three-year S/D. He said, "Well, CH obviously didn't think he was that dangerous that she needed to stop the children from seeing him at all."

I didn't actually ever have a chance to reply. I wanted to say that I was scared. That I was following the advice of attorneys who told me that "children need to see their fathers," that "you need to look like you are giving him lots of access to the kids - frequent and short access."

In retrospect, I wish I had gone for an emergency court order in 2011 to stop him from seeing the kids. I had enough proof with my 2000 pages.

Please think about my story. If you hesitate too much, you lose the edge, the element of surprise, and mostly the chance to show the judges and legals system how much you care for your children.

Please move quickly.

xoxox,
Hope


Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She thinks the link happened at Barnes & Noble by the employees there when they were synching something up so the kids could purchase games.

NG, stop.
Porn is not going to show up just because B&N *synched* something to purchase games. Your kid is freaking out right now and is *reaching* to find some inane explanation because s/he doesn't want to get dad in *trouble*. YOU KNOW THIS!

If I were you, I would start with 1)her previous counselor; 2) a local DV resouce; and if <--those aren't productive......3) Go to your local media outlets.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, CPS and the cops work a lot different than the court system. They can and will do things that the courts won't. Like protect your kids. I never got anywhere with the courts but when CPS got involved, I was finally able to help my kids. Please, instead of going to B&N, go to the cops.

I know you are scared of loosing your kids to that creep. I went through the same thing every time I thought about keeping the kids from asshole. No one is going to take the kids from you for trying to protect your kids. So what if he takes you to court! That is why you need to call CPS, the cops and take pics of that Nook.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG - you're a great mum and you've been through a lot. Gently, it sounds like you're trying to find reasons not to go to the police? I know you're scared about being accused of child alienation, but your child has been harmed. You need to keep your children safe.

I know you're contacting lots of helpful people. But the people you really need to contact are the police. Go the the police station, ask for special victims (or whatever they're called). Refuse to talk to anyone else. Then tell them everything.

If you go to Barnes & Noble first,then he can say that they did something to alter it (chain of evidence). You NEED the police to see it and log it first. You KNOW that Perv could do this. You know that Perv knows that this has happened. Why are you waiting? You almost sound like a BS trying to convince herself that her WS isn't really cheating/in false R. And I know that if I was in a similar situation, I might feel the same...it'shard to get our heads round what someone we once loved could get up to. But go to the police anyway.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1051 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NG)))
)I have to be very careful here so that I am not perceived as the bitter ex who is out to alienate the children from their father.
I totally get it. Everything I did to try to protect my child from the psychoX, he turned around and screamed alienation. And I was told the only way you could lose your children was 1. abuse 2. neglect 3. alienation. I knew he could never prove 1 and 2, but he was such a good liar and he tried #3 over and over. So we ended up with a very liberal visitation schedule for her to see her psychopathic father.

Mine hired an expensive shark lawyer and screamed about how he was a good parent, he loved his dd, he only wanted what was best for her (he was groomed very well by his lawyer and he rehearsed his lines). I had an inexpensive lawyer because I had NO money. I was a SAHM at the time and no access to money.

And court is scary. It doesn't work the way they show on TV. There are politics and money and corruption in many systems. So court is really "iffy."

I think you are terrified of going back to court with him for those reasons....and I don't blame you. I think you want a cut and dry case so he can't come back and accuse you of alienation.

This is a really tough situation, and I do think you need to be careful here, but I would start working really hard to build that case. Have you been documenting everything? His laying on top of your child, his grooming the children, his porn habit? Do you have hard evidence on any of it (besides the porn on her nook?)

Work with a DV shelter first. They will believe you and they may have legal experience with this stuff (some do, some don't). They may also have a lawyer you can talk to. Also, if it goes to court and your DV advocate advises you to stop visitation or something, you can tell the judge that you were heeding the advice of the expert or professional that you went to in order to try to get help for your child. Just document that also.

Can you get a free initial consultation with a lawyer somewhere? That way you can find out what your rights are and how strong your case is. Also, I believe this would be a criminal case, in which case you would get a county prosecutor, you wouldn't need a lawyer for your accusations. Have you talked with the local prosecutor? They WILL talk to you and you can find out what they feel your chances are.

.

Have you talked with your children about appropriate and inappropriate touch and if their father has made them uncomfortable with his touch?

This will progress if he feels he can get away with it....I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with. He is a monster. I would try the media too....hey, I wrote Dr. Phil about my psychopath and I got a call from the show. They wanted to have us on. Letters can get results. I also got a call-back from another day-time talk show but I can't remember anymore which one it was. I also got an audience with my state senator about how the court system was failing me, and he recommended a good lawyer for me.

Start writing, call the shelter now, and document, document, document. You are your children's only true advocate. Sending you lots of strength (((((((NG))))))

ETA: Oh, and yeah, take it to the police and demand they make a report. Show them the evidence. You will need it later, and it needs to be "pure" and not messed with. I wouldn't fool with B&N. If it is HIS porn, it doesn't even matter how it got there. They are underage. He exposed them to it.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 5:52 AM, July 29th (Tuesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, I know you have to be careful in what you say to your children about their father.

But they have to go over there..he has access to them..he is grooming your DD..I fear she will be molested by him. Im worried that she is going over there, blind and mute. Meaning, they have no idea how sick their dad is, and what kind of danger they are in every time they are with him.

Again, I know you can't say certain things...and I know you don't want to scare them. But they need to be...I don't know..alerted..prepared..taught they can say NO and mommy will ALWAYS believe them if they tel her they have been hurt by someone..and she will take steps to protect them. You are a FANTASTIC mother. Im sure you have had the "bad touch, good touch" talk..but do they know that goes for their father also?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7679 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
hopefulmom44
♀ Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG- I'm soo sorry about what is happenning to you. Here are some suggestions to seek help: churches, some have counseling programs, stste dept of human services, states fund counselinf for families at risk, universities, some have counseling programs which help their psych doctors practice. The county where you live. Some counties offer free legal aid on a walk in basis. Sending hugs your way.

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