So much of the A took place all around me, places I have to see every.single.day.
Yesterday we drove about 3 hours away and looked at properties. We would have to leave the community we have lived in for 28 years but I am so ready. I don't want to run away from anything, but I want to run TOWARDS something. I want new jobs, new friends, new church, new community and a new chapter in this life. I felt so free when we were away. As we drove back last night the crushing weight of the affair came back on my shoulders, i could feel it. Terrible parts of the affair took place in my house. I just dont want to "see" that everyday.
FWH would lose a lot by making this move but we both feel it would be a positive new step.
but I want to run TOWARDS something.
this is awesome and if hubby is on board go for it! there was a previous thread about this recently...
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
Since we are connected to OW/exW by vents in kids lives it would be mute anyway. She does know better than to ever show up at anything we have notified we are attending.
OM and OBS moved out of the neighborhood, but the people that they told are still here, and some have no love for WW (who was also an OW). They still live in the rather small town, meaning we see them from time to time.
I have plenty of triggers in our home, our neighborhood, and the community.
That said, we love this place. It was our dream.
What we decided together was that we may need to move, but the stress of selling a house and moving were not necessary to add to all the other healing we're trying to do. We've tabled the moving issue at least for now, until something forces it or we've got a better idea of where the healing bus is landing.
BH (Me) 49
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
We couldn't leave the city we live in, but we moved far enough away that I felt we could start fresh. Because of the market, we had to short sell the house and move into a rental. Our credit took a hit, but removing ourselves from those triggers and OW and OWH's drama was one of the most significant steps in our R. I don't regret it even remotely, but I know I would've regretted staying.
I realize moving is not an option for many people, but if you have the opportunity to and you feel like it will help your healing, I say do it.
1) Find a new job in a new state
2) Sell our home and move.
WH was on 100% board and even agreed to move with or without a job. Fortunately, he managed to secure a new job in a new state. 6 months post Dday we were relocating 1600 miles away.
I completely understand it when you say:
I felt so free when we were away
This is exactly how I felt as we set up home in our new location.
The best decision I made was to move. I was free of so many triggers which truly helped in the R process. Remaining in the old location would have felt like a prison sentence ~ A life sentence.
There is no question our M would not have survived had we not moved. The constant reminder would have left me miserable every single day.
Moving was truly freeing and hugely instrumental in our successful R.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
We did move out of state last year, about five years after dday. The A wasn't the main reason for moving but it was a secondary reason. Although I had overcome most of the location triggers it was always in the back of my mind that we might run into OW around town or she may show up in my exercise class. Now that anxiety is completely gone. I miss my friends in the old city but starting over in a new place that isn't tainted is definitely freeing.
BS (me) 40
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years
4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA
Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids
I always thought I was enough but obviously not!