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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need to move
Ginny
♀ Member
Member # 43196
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone else moved after the A?

So much of the A took place all around me, places I have to see every.single.day.

Yesterday we drove about 3 hours away and looked at properties. We would have to leave the community we have lived in for 28 years but I am so ready. I don't want to run away from anything, but I want to run TOWARDS something. I want new jobs, new friends, new church, new community and a new chapter in this life. I felt so free when we were away. As we drove back last night the crushing weight of the affair came back on my shoulders, i could feel it. Terrible parts of the affair took place in my house. I just dont want to "see" that everyday.

FWH would lose a lot by making this move but we both feel it would be a positive new step.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Apr 2014
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to. I hate this house and the whole city, since dday2. I've run into the prostitute twice around the city. And saw her in pictures from an event I attended with my best friend. But EAP lives in the city I had always wanted to live in... I sort of feel like he's ruined everything for me.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I want to run TOWARDS something.

this is awesome and if hubby is on board go for it! there was a previous thread about this recently...


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4908 | Registered: Dec 2010
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am of the "Oh Hell NO, you will not drive me from my life, family that I have worked so hard to build."

Since we are connected to OW/exW by vents in kids lives it would be mute anyway. She does know better than to ever show up at anything we have notified we are attending.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Didact
♂ Member
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are struggling with this every day.

OM and OBS moved out of the neighborhood, but the people that they told are still here, and some have no love for WW (who was also an OW). They still live in the rather small town, meaning we see them from time to time.

I have plenty of triggers in our home, our neighborhood, and the community.

That said, we love this place. It was our dream.

What we decided together was that we may need to move, but the stress of selling a house and moving were not necessary to add to all the other healing we're trying to do. We've tabled the moving issue at least for now, until something forces it or we've got a better idea of where the healing bus is landing.


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 230 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
whatjusthappened
♀ Member
Member # 34695
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH's A was with our neighbor. We were all "friends" and I had welcomed her and her family into our home many times. After D-Day, when I started to realize how much of the A took place in our house and the triggers were inescapable, I told FWH we had to move. We had built that house and for a long time it was my dream home. We had roots in the neighborhood, but it no longer mattered. I couldn't live there and hope to R. My dream home became a nightmare house I couldn't wait to escape. To H's credit, he didn't even hesitate when I told him we had to move, and the day we took the last box out of there, I literally felt a weight come off my shoulders

We couldn't leave the city we live in, but we moved far enough away that I felt we could start fresh. Because of the market, we had to short sell the house and move into a rental. Our credit took a hit, but removing ourselves from those triggers and OW and OWH's drama was one of the most significant steps in our R. I don't regret it even remotely, but I know I would've regretted staying.

I realize moving is not an option for many people, but if you have the opportunity to and you feel like it will help your healing, I say do it.


Me - 39
Him - 38
Married 15 years
2 DS
Day my world crashed down: 12/22/11
In R. Most days.

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: AZ
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew on Dday that I would move, with or without my WH. He wanted a second chance which he was granted but he needed to:

1) Find a new job in a new state
2) Sell our home and move.

WH was on 100% board and even agreed to move with or without a job. Fortunately, he managed to secure a new job in a new state. 6 months post Dday we were relocating 1600 miles away.

I completely understand it when you say:

I felt so free when we were away

This is exactly how I felt as we set up home in our new location.

The best decision I made was to move. I was free of so many triggers which truly helped in the R process. Remaining in the old location would have felt like a prison sentence ~ A life sentence.
There is no question our M would not have survived had we not moved. The constant reminder would have left me miserable every single day.

Moving was truly freeing and hugely instrumental in our successful R.

Regrets? NONE


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
pearlharbr
♀ New Member
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started out defiant, not wanting to let the A control my life. It was difficult considering he had sex with OW on my family room floor (blech) and they frequented a bar across the street from my job. The first time I stepped foot in the bar I burst into tears but I had to suck it up because we were there with a group of friends. Eventually I became numb to it and it helped that it was sold and the name changed, although I never went inside again.

We did move out of state last year, about five years after dday. The A wasn't the main reason for moving but it was a secondary reason. Although I had overcome most of the location triggers it was always in the back of my mind that we might run into OW around town or she may show up in my exercise class. Now that anxiety is completely gone. I miss my friends in the old city but starting over in a new place that isn't tainted is definitely freeing.


Me: BSO, 40 / Him: WSO, 39
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
stunnedmullet
♀ Member
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am desperate to move when our lease runs out, or if we can find a new house. I HATE this house. It is perfect for us size wise, but he started the PA two weeks after we moved in here. Every single thing reminds me of it. I need a fresh start. We may need to end up moving early and just let the finances take a hit. I hate it here, it's oppressive


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 9

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