We did go out alone with wife and while we had a few drinks, the topic did come to mind and we said a few things about OM and such. New revelations about how they got closer, but nothing to throw me off.
Last night, we talked about it again. I told her it was nice to put the pain aside for a weekend. I also told her I was afraid that the pain would never leave. She said she was too.
So maybe I need to exercise the action of putting negative thoughts aside to the point where they won't haunt me anymore?
[This message edited by 2married2quit at 10:00 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
There is though, a fine line sometimes between putting aside negative thoughts that have no place in the here and now, and not allowing yourself to process your feelings when they happen.
the former is healthy, while the latter will always come back to bite you in the ass. only you know which is which. it's a funky part of the process where you have to determine whether you're putting aside those negative thoughts because they've been resolved and are just leftover ghosts or because they're in need of resolving (even if it's just the crumbs of a bigger issue already resolved) and you're avoiding.
it sounds like the two of you had a productive talk, which is great. hopefully this is the beginning of setting aside things that have no place in your *now* and being able to enjoy the hard work you've accomplished so far.
So I try to ask questions as they come up. Depending on how my husband answers - and what he answers - I'm able to take the answer as another thing to process as part of the bigger picture and continue on after a few moments. If his answer leads to pain, I let myself feel that pain. If he comforts and is empathetic, I'm able to "let it out" (not that it's ever going to get completely out, but a release of the immediate harshness).
I thought about it today.... bury the past. I'm trying, but it's almost like your'e saying it was "okay" or "it didn't hurt you so bad" when you let it go. I think I need more time. Also, I feel like I'm conforming to what I have. Yes,it was great, but the new reality is that everything has changed and it's not as good. Almost like you broke a plate. Sure you glued it back, but it's not the same. :(