There are some not so great things too- I"m less confident- I question things more and I definitely feel pain every day. I am distracted- I have a hard time concentrating on things.
I'm working to regain my focus and to spend good quality time with my kids and WH.
I feel the same way. R takes 2 people and it sounds like for the most part you are both on the same page.
There are some not so great things too- I"m less confident- I question things more and I definitely feel pain every day. I am distracted- I have a hard time concentrating on things
This is totally me. I have a new job and am failing at feeling a passion for my work. Or even a desire.
[This message edited by unfound at 4:06 PM, July 28th (Monday)]
I am more empathetic.
I have no blind trust.
I have zero tolerance for asshattery.
I am more inclined to step back from something I don't understand and process it than having knee jerk reactions towards it.
I believe that no one can make me feel anything more or less than I feel for myself.
I've lost weight, gained weight, fought my weight and have finally come to peace with my body. (I still reserve the right to bitch about the dryer shrinking my pants though )
I have a quiet confidence that no matter what, I will be okay. I understand that this doesn't mean I won't ever hurt or be taken out at the knees, but I will be okay.
I am more patient with those that deserve it and less with those that don't.
me too! although I'm finding that most DO deserve it. A few sticklers in there.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
Found - my compassion, empathy, and mercy, a desire to understand and not judge. Knowledge that nothing is permanent, and that I can live through Hell and come out the other side with my heart still beating. The desire to improve and broaden myself. Preference for experiences over material things.
Astonishment at how cruel, selfish, and unthinking people can be toward those who love them and trust them completely.
Lost - interest in my hobbies, my job, cannot listen to my music (sold it or gave it all away) or watch movies, cannot multitask (can't even listen to the radio while driving anymore - I just can't concentrate), trust in people, and the confidence that I knew what I was doing. Most unusual and significant, I suppose - completely lost my faith in God.
crushed - I'm so very sorry.... I have a tough time reading now. what is it with the concentration thing? And God, yes, I turned to him after Dday 1 but then after Dday2, I turned away.
[This message edited by rachelc at 6:13 PM, July 28th (Monday)]
I am vulnerable, open, honest, feeling, caring, and trustworthy. I was barely any of that before dday. In some ways, we fight more because I will not rugsweep even the smallest topics, and I will attempt to be sure my opinion is really heard. My "giveashit bone" is truly broken.
I don't trust anything on blind faith. I am not certain that we'll grow old together, and I really am not sure of her love as a foundation for our future. I hope that I'm desirable, but no longer know it. I hope that I matter, that my children matter, that anything I do or say matters, but I have been shown that the opposite is true.
It is hard to learn at a young age that we all die alone.
No one will really be there for me, and it someone is, I worry that it is for the wrong reasons.
I fear that improvement isn't in the future.
I am terrified.
Nothing above I wrote was true before March of this year. She took one year to show me that what I believed was true was only a laughable lie.
That said, I am hoping that something stronger rises from the ashes, something that similarly wasn't there before dday.
ETA: I looked back at this post and that sounds so ... grim. I believe WW and I are in fact in on a solid R path. I wish it hadn't happened, but it did. Given that, we're making something positive out of what was a terrible series of choices.
[This message edited by Didact at 2:04 AM, July 29th (Tuesday)]
BH (Me) 49
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
I am over the panic and at a place in my life where life TODAY matters...I am unsure of what will happen in my life and M next year, next month...so nothing is carved in stone, but I have a tentative plan A (married) and plan B (he screws up and I am not married). Basically life is short and is unfolding before my eyes. The are no great expectations and I just want to enjoy life.
I am no longer controlling...and don't WANT control over anything/anyone else but me. That being said, I get frustrated with myself more easily for getting behind at work and gaining back the weight I lost.
I don't like to play games around an issue...if you don't mean it DONT say it and if you think it just be honest and say it!
No more blind trust.
When H lets one of his old let's be critical of crossroads comments (he did that a lot in the past... has really improved), I DON"T just let it ride anymore.
I know that I can make it through anything and feel strong that way
I have very little tolerance for stupidity
I am not as social. I tend to like to spend a day by myself if my husband is not around
I am much more observant of all things. Almost like I am looking for something constantly. I do not like this as it makes me feel not relaxed ever
I don't sleep well
I don't consider anything to be forever. I think things can change at the drop of a hat
I have good days and bad days.
I feel as if I have lost my "true" happy. The innocent one, the dreamer, the ever optimist.
Many of my feelings reflect what has already been said.
I am not writhing in pain and swimming in chaos anymore. But I certainly am not carefree and dancing.
I spend a lot of time alone- when not with him. Our time is spent on safe topics, plans for the future, plans for dinner, etc. but right now- I just feel ... Lonely. I lost myself a long time ago and it took his affair to make me see that.
On the outside, all looks well. Careers are moving along, kids are healthy and happy, we spend time together. Sometimes I have a hard time finding a reason...
I have very little patience for dishonesty of any kind. I prefer honest conversations and yes... We tend to argue a bit more because now I won't let things slide. But even now I am starting to say "whatever- does it even matter?"
Sorry- didn't mean to hijack your post with my sob story.
Yes- I have changed a lot. So much so that I don't even know who I really am anymore.
At one year, it has gotten so much better. But if this is the new normal, that makes me very sad.
I've seen several mention loss of concentration and ability to multi-task
this has got to be the result of trauma, some sort of change in the brain...
I am approaching the 3 years antiversary of D day and ALL of the above is so much better. Probably not back to 100% on any one of the things but getting better slowly on all fronts. Hang in there guys...it really can start to get better. I hope these words help someone because I can vividly remember the despair that the lack of normal brought to me.