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User Topic: OW Fishing
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, right like clockwork the ExW-OW sent SAWH a FB message. It just happened to come through when I was standing in front of his phone so I saw it come up. Now, if I'd been smart, I wouldn't have said anything to see if he would mention it. But I was stupid. I was tired and emotional and I lost it. I didn't yell, I just told him exactly how I feel about her and how I know she'll never go away.

He said he isn't going to respond as he agrees that it will just give her the message that it's OK to contact him, but I know he just wants to pretend it didn't happen. I can't do that.

Oh, and the best part! She was asking for the last name of an old friend of theirs because she is "making amends" and wants to contact him. When is she going to make amends to ME. You know, the woman whose husband you fucked. Grrrrrr.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there a reason she isn't blocked or does she just create new accounts to get through?


ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He refuses to block her. She was a part of my life for 10 years blah, blah, blah.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He refuses to block her.

Oh Hell To The NO!

I'd have his shit hefty bagged and ready to go. If OW is more important then me - have a good life and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

No f*$&(*% way would OW still have access to WH in my house.


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
8/14 - I may be done, we will see
9/14 - getting better. Damn!


Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bye bye facebook!!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 522 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Didact
♂ Member
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He refuses to block her.

I am curious why you believe this isn't a deal breaker? How long has it been?


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 230 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know here is the thing about this. I'm separated and if we divorce I would expect him to communicate for kids and be civil but the woman thinks she has rights to him because he allows it. Noe, he can say the 10 yr blah blah... However he is remarried and he slept with her or had an Ea.. (I don't Know ur story).. that is a no no and it allows her to feel she comes before you and that is not so..YOU are his wife now. They divorced... end of story. If he feels that way then he needs to go because he is giving her right to invade your marriage where she don't belong!!!
It pisses me off for you. You deserve to be his wife....she has to go.

Damn phone, had to edit.

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 10:27 PM, July 28th (Monday)]


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2667 | Registered: Aug 2011
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um yeah- her or you and he gets 10 seconds to decide. There is no "he refuses to block her". That is a refusal of NC. Don't fool yourself about this. He is not NC. He is still emotionally attached to her and that's a huge problem. Like a get the fuck out of this house sized problem. He is still in the affair. Stop telling yourself excuses.

At this point I'd take the whole damn computer from him. And I have done just that very thing too.

My WH is a software architect and he lost his personal computer a few months after dday. He hasn't had a personal email account for 4 years. I opened a gmail account so he could post on SI. He doesn't know the password. Again-no computer and no email for the last 4 years.

This is not R. He needs to decide what matters most to him. Right now it seems he matters most. Not ok, not cool, and way past Brown's house f'd up.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a thread in the Just Found Out section titled "refuses no contact". All the advice in there fits you as well because that is what your WH is doing. He is refusing no contact.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight he says he will block her. I wish he had offered instead of my having to ask, but he didn't hesitate at all. We shall see if it actually happens.

He seems to be understanding what he did, but he's a SA and since we haven't had sex since mother's day weekend, I'm pretty sure he's not "sober."

I don't think he's cheating but I'd bet money he's masturbating almost every day and maybe even watching porn.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
FixYou71
♀ Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh cheatermagnet,
I'm glad he blocked her but my heart hurts for you.
Please say he's in some sort of program or getting treatment for his S.A.. Have you questioned him on his sexual sobriety? Is he accountable to anyone? Do you have access to check up on him (key logger tracking etc.?
Bless your heart.


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight he says he will block her. I wish he had offered instead of my having to ask, but he didn't hesitate at all. We shall see if it actually happens.

You have his pw, right? Go in and block her yourself. Then check every few days if she is still blocked - if he unblocks her, he can't reblock for 48 hours, so he would be caught.

Kick him off the fence.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6405 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There aren't any CSAT's here and only one brand new SA meeting. He started reading the SA big book and doing some recovery work online and was going to AA meetings again. He called the guy who started the SA meeting, but they weren't meeting for awhile and he hasn't made contact since.

It's the same pattern. He does enough to get me to give him a chance, then it peters out. He isn't accountable to anyone. I periodically ask how his recovery is going and he gives vague answers. Our lack of sex life indicates he is still masturbating.

I had to block him of FB because of his family and a girl I call "Stalker Stacey." She's an old roommate of his sister who likes every single post he makes (unless it is about me), and has told him that she wishes they had hooked up while we were separated. He won't unfriend her either.

At this point we are still living together but really more as friends. Like I said, no sex since Mother's Day. He doesn't even realize it but every day I detach a little bit more. I'm not in a position to move out and I can't make him leave. So, I'm just trying to live my life and let him live his.

I hate this.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay. OW has finally been blocked from his FB. I asked him this morning if he'd done it and he admitted he hadn't but said, "Let's do it right now." So I walked him through the process and its done.

Of course, she still has other means of contacting him including through MIL or SIL so I'm not feeling safe, just a tiny bit safer. She's a persistent troll with absolutely no integrity or self respect. She'll be back.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
JLyn1128
♀ Member
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved the response "Oh hell to the no!" There was NEVER any contact on fb between my WSO and OW. He isn't a big fb user and had no idea she even had a page. Since she knew about me, she wasn't going to contact him in any way that I might see. At any rate, I went into his fb account and blocked her myself. He doesn't even realize I did it, but she does. I know she was lurking because the day after I did it I got one of her horrible texts calling me names and what an A-hole he is (because she thinks he blocked her). He has NC with her, and I know he doesn't because her ugly contacts with me assure me of that. It's why I don't block her from my phone. May not work with some, but I have made a particular enemy of her and I spar with her when she gets a wild hair and contacts me. Happens less and less. I think she was baiting me thinking I would get mad enough to leave and she could move in. Some of these OW are very manipulative and refuse to give up because if they could just 'prove to him' that they are more worthy of his love it will all work out. If my WSO had even given me one nano-second of an idea he still wanted OW in his life I'd be gone to a place he could never find me. And he knows it. The biggest fight over this issue we had after DD was when I deleted the gmail account they used. I could tell he wasn't using it (keystroke logger), but was tired of her whining, so I got rid of it. He felt like his 'privacy' was compromised and tried to convince me he deserved privacy. His laptop is still in the same pieces it was after I took a mallet to it and we both now understand the concept of 'privacy' in a committed relationship.


Me BSO 61
Him WSO 62
Together 29 years, living together 17. He's been with her off and on for half of that.
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 90 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
Topic Posts: 15

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