I'm so glad you have a lawyer. Don't play nice with him, get every little thing you and the kids will need.
I'm so sorry you had to join us here but you've found a safe place where we all understand.
Best thing to do with him at this point is completely ignore him. Everything except factual kid info goes through your lawyer s.
[This message edited by BtraydWife at 8:49 PM, July 28th (Monday)]
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
[This message edited by mhca at 9:19 PM, July 28th (Monday)]
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
Gosh, a 6 month old and this hell is going on... what a jackass.
First off a hug to you, then he needs his meds and you need to set serious guidelines, i mean serious guidelines and you stick to them or he is out in order to keep you. Just hoping he will come around is not going to cut it. Infidelity is an addiction and addicts inherently don't quit until an intervention takes place.
mhca gave you some good advice. It is time to protect you and the kids and get away from this man, nothing good can com from him. Please consult with a lawyer and see what is best way to accomplish that!
4 kids all adults.
Married 22+ years.
I have moved on and life is good!
I'm glad you have an attorney. DO NOT let your WH suck you in to his drama. Your favorite phrases right now are "I'm sorry you feel that way," "I will take that under advisement," and "That is a matter for the attorneys to deal with." Period.
Limit all discussions to finances and children. Period.
I would 180 him HARD. You see, an affair is like a three-legged stool. Easy to manage as long as all the legs are there, right? In fact, it's downright comfy. Now, take one of the legs off (you). Not quite so comfy now, isn't it? In fact, it's quite the balancing act. By taking yourself OUT of the equation, you not only preserve your sanity, you get to sit back and watch him deal with only two legs on his stool. He wants out? Well, OUT looks like this: Child support, possibly spousal support, half his retirement and other assets going to you . . . not quite the paradise he imagined it would be.
I don't know if you're in a fault state or not. I hope you are, as you might be able to swing a more favorable distribution to you if you are. Even if you are not, assets he used to finance the affair are subject to distribution, meaning you get half or more.
Expect him to lie. It's what they do. Fortunately, judges and attorneys are very used to it. I hope you hired a real shark, because I will enjoy watching you take him to the cleaners. He's given you a lot to work with.
But take YOU out of his ego kibble mix. Don't rise to his bait, don't call him, don't engage with him. Cool and professional is the demeanor you are striving for. Not mean, just cool. Not sinking to his level of insults, but professional. Write EVERY communication to him as if a judge were going to read it. I would limit everything to email or text. No verbal.
It gets better--I promise.
I'm sure it seems overwhelming with all the emotional crap but you have to protect you and the kids.
So sorry you're here but you will get great advice and support.
He sounds bipolar and NPD.
He sounds like an asshole, but NPD? There's nothing here that suggests that. Not sure on bipolar as I don't know much on that topic, but claiming NPD off of a few back and forth moves and lies?
sorry - too many throw that around as a 'catch all'. ANY cheater will appear NPD as the signs are selfishness and delusional thinking.
Best thing you can do is NC him and save yourself. Believe him that he plans to destroy you and proceed accordingly. He will lie his ass off to get what he wants so protect yourself and arm yourself with proof. There is no saving this and continuing any contact is only going to further hurt you. Let the lawyers handle it and protect yourself and your children. We are all here for you.
Print it all out and keep a file in order- in case someone wants to follow the conversation it will all be there.
Whether or not he is NPD or bipolar he is acting crazy. Please protect yourself by doing your best to prove ( paper trail) him wrong/ crazy.
Relying on the court to see them as they are isn't going to work. You need to show just how unstable and full of hatred toward you he is!
Ps. In the I Can Relate room is a thread for those dealing with NPD. It might be helpful to meet others dealing with crazy/hate filled/selfish people. Divorce and separation is another place to look for help.
Lovely, now...your next husband will be nothing shy of 100% better.
"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1
I'm sorry. I know understanding that doesn't make it hurt any less. Since he sees the kids so infrequently it will be easier to not engage with him. If he writes or calls, don't respond and don't pick up the phone. Post here when you want to communicate with him and people here will help you through the situation. Go dark and quiet on him.
Document the times he sees the kids and do insist he be tested for drug use. It is a danger to the kids. I have no idea how things work in Canada but don't back down from protecting your kids.
The wrist pictures should help establish that he's the one that has lost his mind. Don't worry about what his lawyer tells him. That lawyer is misinformed and will find out in the future.
Plus your husband is a liar and liars lie, so there's that. Consider everything he says to be bullshit.
Since you are pretty much alone there, post here a lot. Someone's always here and we want to help.