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User Topic: I sincerely hate him
RegretsTillIDie
♂ New Member
Member # 42412
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Angerisme - Your original post of hating and neediness made me so sad. Iím the WS that betrayed my beautiful wife and what youíre saying is what she says to me and part of what I know she is feeling about me. Your feelings (and her's) are real and I want to validate them as much as I pray for you to find some glimmer of hope that you and he can start to rebuild on. As the betrayer Iím working hard to give my wife the space and freedom she deserves to feel that hate Ė I know I hate myself more for what Iíve done to her but her hate is real and her loneliness is truly painful. The reality is that I can NEVER be the husband she wants. She doesnít expect much Ė to be loved, protected, cherished and know that she is the one and only. I can never be the one and only because of what Iíve done and no amount of self-repair can correct that. I live in fear of her finally giving in to indifference which I so desperately donít want.
Hopeful74 Ė your words could be words right out of my wifeís mouth. They give me incredible grief and sadness to know I am the cause of that to her. I pray almost constantly that she will continue to give me the opportunity to show her I am now the man she expected from the start and that itís not too late to have some kind of future. I hope your kindness to yourself leads to some amount of healing for you and your spouse.


Me: WH 55
Her: BS 55
Married: 30+ years

Posts: 24 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Midwest
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Regrets. It is a painful process that I not only hope to survive, but to thrive. I don't know if he has it him to give me what I need, but I remain hopeful for the future, whatever is in store for me.


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you, too will find happiness. And I hope you are able to continue to better yourself and be the man your wife deserves. For your sake, as well as hers. I am a sucker for a happy ending! Good luck to you both


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
tfkeel
♂ Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if he has it him to give me what I need

Mine didn't. She was so completely absorbed with her own sickness. It was all about her. In the
marriage, in the affairs, and in the aftermath of the affairs.



Posts: 514 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
choosehappy86
♀ New Member
Member # 44287
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopeful that was such a beautiful post....I cant wait to get to indifference

sometimes I am envious of the wives who have husbands who consistently show remorse and do anything and everything! thats crazy cause I should just be envious of the wives who husbands who dont cheat lol but my cheating ass husband showed so much blatant insensitivity that ive becme mushy at the stories of sensitive husbands who cheated...smdh


Posts: 35 | Registered: Jul 2014
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ChooseHappy. Indifferent would be a wonderful relief, wouldn't it? It is crazy how screwy your reality becomes after infidelity. I guess we all learn from it. I am learning who I am and a lot about boundaries. Mine, as well as others. I am trying to curb my need to get my WH to do the right things. Hard habit to break. But I couldn't get him to do it while we were together, so I sure as hell can't get him to do it now. Of course, that doesn't stop me from going psycho on his ass sometimes! But not as much as I used to. So, I guess I am improving a little each day.


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tfkeel, I am afraid I am finding the same with my husband. He can't pull his head out of his ass enough to see what he did to me. Really see it. I hear his words, but I see his actions (or lack thereof) more. I am losing hope for my M a little more everyday.


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess we all learn from it. I am learning who I am and a lot about boundaries.

As weird as it sometimes feels to try to see the bright side of a deep betrayal, I really think we all do (or can) learn a ton from the experience. I guess it's like manure--the best you can do with the shit handed to you is to put it towards building something new within yourself. I think that's an incredibly strong thing to be able to set about doing in the midst of so much pain.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Norabird, I agree completely. I can't believe anything less than something positive has to come from all of this! And finding me will be my gift.


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They give me incredible grief and sadness to know I am the cause of that to her. I pray almost constantly that she will continue to give me the opportunity to show her I am now the man she expected from the start and that itís not too late to have some kind of future.

To RegretsTillDie,

If all WS thought like you do the rate of R would go way up and D would go way down.

Good for you for realizing this.

If my WW had a thimble full of what you have (realized) I would have some hope in our M, as it is I have none.

Good luck.

To TFkeel

Re:

Mine didn't. She was so completely absorbed with her own sickness. It was all about her. In the
marriage, in the affairs, and in the aftermath of the affairs.

Sir, it is not nice of you to talk about my wife that way...

[This message edited by steppingup at 11:53 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

ďWhatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itselfĒ Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 498 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steppingup, LOL!!! I love when you guys make me laugh!!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Topic Posts: 31
Pages: 1 · 2

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