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User Topic: I need help / advice
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I am at a fork in the road or something.

I found a number on DH's work phone that is not on any other phone and is not listed as a contact in his work phone. However - he has facetimed with this number quite a few times.

I looked up said number, found out who it belonged too, found out that she is most likely in my state, very close to us.

So I called it and 'oops wrong numbered' it....it was a woman on the other end.

So, I really want to be able to just go up to my husband and say "hey who's this number?" but he's not exactly the happiest when I look through his phone, or his work phone.

How does one approach this subject? is there a better way to say? Hey I see you facetimed with this number a few times, but I don't recognize the number at all. Who is it?

help, how do I do this part?


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you get into the Investigation Forum here? If so you might go there and ask questions.

I think it might be best to get more evidence before confronting. There are ways to get an address and name attached to a phone number. I would do that first.

Then when confronting I would not let on that I knew the name of the person he is contacting. If he gives a name that doesnt match what you know. well. then you have your answer.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started in the investigation thread...which is how I got a name and possible location.

Problem I have now is do I wait and see how often he calls this number? or do I get a VAR and put it in the car to see if he calls this person?

The problem is that he only uses his car to and from work - at work he uses a company car. So when he calls he could be in a work car.

Also, the only time's he has face timed with her it has been late at night while he is working.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you can get into the investigation forum on here I would highly suggest it.


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 272 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she work with him? Does he usually facetime ppl he works with?
If no, why on earth would he need to facetime a random person other than monkey business?


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4930 | Registered: Dec 2010
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she work with him? Does he usually facetime ppl he works with?
If no, why on earth would he need to facetime a random person other than monkey business?

If I knew all that, I would probably be better off.

I did a lot more digging and what I found wasn't very promising.

Seems that she was an OW, got pregnant and then married a gentleman that DH MIGHT (big huge if MIGHT) have worked with in corrections.

The Ex wife and new wife don't get along. Based on the ongoing feud on his Obit guest book (still ongoing form 2009) and various FB posts I can find.

Yes, he does facetime with co-workers and family, so the facetime thing is not abnormal, just the number?


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you do a background check on this woman, find out her place of employment currently and if possible previously.

That will certainly let you know if he has any work related business with her.

Find out if she is married, age, etc. Learn as much as you can before you ask your husband anything.

Why should he get annoyed in the first place when you look through his phone. People that act like that always act suspicious.


Posts: 3961 | Registered: Jun 2002
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why should he get annoyed in the first place when you look through his phone. People that act like that always act suspicious.

Yeah.....wouldn't be here if we didn't have a trust issue due to secret keeping and hiding.

I want to just be up front with him, but I really don't know how to it.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frankly IMO the fact that your WH is doing facetime with a woman that is not his mother. sister. or YOU. is enough.

as rachelc said

[...] why on earth would he need to facetime a random person other than monkey business?

Seriously think about it. What possible reason would your WH have for facetiming with this woman?

ALSO consider that he is NOT TELLING YOU HE IS DOING IT. He is hiding something he doesnt want you to know about.

Im very sorry. but I think its obvious that hes having a affair.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So i have AN answer, but I need help with the steps from here.

So a little while back, I finally asked DH about the phone number on his work phone. Previous conversations told me that 1. He didn't use Facetime for work (he works with criminals) and 2. He only facetimes with people he knows.

So with that info at my disposal, I asked who's number this is.

Immediately he was defensive saying that he doesnt know (but that I should since i have probably looked it up....I have, but I wasn't going to tell him that) - that they keep trying to face time him and he doesn't know why.....

I asked him why they have been trying since Feb. to facetime him - why hasn't he just called the number to ask them to stop.

Also, he pointed out that most of them say 'missed call' or 'facetime answered on other device" - he's like i don't even know what that means. (I have tried to look this up, but it's very confusing. It could be that someone is using his appleID, or that someone answered it with an ipod or ipad....or it's calling itself....its really confusing)

Long story short - he changed the locking password on his work phone. Now i can't get into it.....when i saw that i thought i had stepped into China with all those red flags.

He has not changed his password to his personal phone, but then....that's probably only a matter of time.

I am going to be buy and hiding a VAR tomorrow after work - and then let it say there over the weekend (he works so i should get something hopefully).

The only other think i have to do is a Keylogger, but DH is a computer whizz and I am not. He can find keyloggers and he's paranoid, so he actually looks for them now....I dont know which one i can get that he won't be able to find.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 10

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