I know this is still new and you are in shock, but just remember this is not your fault and you have every right to focus on yourself and your children at this time.
[This message edited by brokenmess at 2:01 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)]
I'm so sorry. It's too soon for you to try to commit to staying and fixing the M until he shows real remorse. right now, the anger at you is beyond inappropriate and he is trying both to rugsweep what happened and to blame you for his own selfish behavior. For now, try to practice the 180 with him -- http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=232785.
You say you aren't married and he drained your joint bank account--it might be time to get some legal protection by consulting with a lawyer.