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User Topic: Where would you be at this moment if...
♀ Member
Member # 33057
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've thought of this often. In fact, I asked WH just last week if he was so unhappy in our marriage then why didn't he get a divorce. His answer was that he didn't want to be labeled as being divorced. Hmmmm...Must be it's better to be labeled a cheater.

Because I got so sick and the doctors have said that the only reason they can come up with is stress, I wonder if I would still be healthy if I had divorced him. I would have still have had stress, but maybe it would have been different and the outcome would have been different.

Me - BS
Him - WH
Married 30 Years
D-Day #1 August 17, 2010
D-Day #2 October 19, 2010
D-Day #3 February 12, 2011

Posts: 310 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great question. I suspect I would have been in a very bad place economically, which would have impacted my life very negatively--which is why I chose to stay. I don't think I would have been bitter. I think marriages can change and people can fall out of love. I certainly would not have felt the disrespect that I do today for him. The dishonesty of the betrayal was as devastating to me as the actual affair.

I would also like to think if he had left I might have met someone and had a fulfilling marriage rather than living in an invisible divorce. I really miss being married. Personally I could never make the choice to put myself in financial jeopardy, but if/when he does it, I will deal.

Posts: 5632 | Registered: Jul 2002
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my WW had just D me either before or even during her LTA I would have been really hurt. But I think by now I would be long over it. I think a clean break would have been easier to heal from than years of continued lying, TT, and blaming. But thats just me.

Where would I be now? probably back home where I grew up.

I agree with the above. I am only staying for the children at this point. But I think of divorce daily.

I think it would have been easier if my wayward had left for the OW.

I think they are both very similar, and I would likely be happier on my own.

I am not interested in remarrying at this point.

There are far too many people who condone affairs out there and it is too difficult to know who people really are behind their mask.

I thought my husband was a great guy, faithful and loyal. I was so wrong.

[This message edited by seethelight at 9:17 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he had left during his first LTA which started before I got pregnant with our last child, I would have been devastated and blindsided but I like to think by now I would be over it, moved on and maybe would have met someone else.

Instead he continued to have LTAs, STAs and ONS ( all unknown to me) until he got caught three years ago. If he had left 15 years ago I would have been young enough to make a fresh start. Now, three weeks shy of 50, I feel trapped. ( I wouldn't change having had my last child for anything though).

[This message edited by Notmetoo2011 at 11:49 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

Me-BW 49
Married 27 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS, Porn
In limbo land

Posts: 271 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be richer since he borrowed all the equity out of our house using my power of attorney, which I signed for a business reason, and bought a summer home for him and the OW putting it solely in her name.

I'd also probably be remarried as I wouldn't have gone through the destruction of my self-esteem causing me to make horrific choices in relationships after that.

Posts: 402 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 25
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