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Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

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User Topic: Withdrawal
losttrust1231
♀ New Member
Member # 44270
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning. I was wondering if it is common to withdraw from social interactions after DD? I have cut myself from friends and I hate going to social events.


Me - 47
Him - 44
Married 1 1/2 years; Together 3 years
Blended family of five boys
Me - 14 and 11
Him - 17, 13 and 9
DD - 12/31/13

Lost, lost and lost :-(


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2014
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's pretty normal. I hated even the necessary interactions with my ILs (they watch our little ones one day a week). I still haven't spoken with a few of my closest friends, and it's been 3.5 months. I also have a 4 month old baby, so they figure I'm busy with the kids/exhausted.

It's because there is so much going on in your life, and it's not something you want to talk about with most people. So interacting with them you would have to fake it. And you probably can't get it off your mind enough to hold a conversation.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 567 | Registered: May 2014
krsplat
♀ Member
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was for me. Plastering on a smile and pretending I was OK was just too draining. I found that after I told some people, I was OK hanging out with those people. And on the occasions when I forced myself to go out and interact, it helped me feel alot better.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? This might have some bearing on your decisions too. As an extrovert, being with others even when I felt like crap was energizing and helpful to me. Introverts, who need solitude to recharge, might need to cut back on interactions while they heal?


Me & WH: 48, married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Status: Back on the coaster. Who knows?

Posts: 373 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
ncharge
♀ Member
Member # 42365
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely withdrew for nearly 6 months. It is like crawling away into a mental cave to recover - I just couldn't be social or focus on other people. I meet my son for dinner every week, like clockwork, and even that changed for a while. That does change. I'm back to wanting to socialize again and meeting with friends though the frequency isn't where it used to be yet.

Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost trust:

Yes. It is normal.

I withdrew from friends and family that I did not want to tell of the affair because the kept noticing I seemed different and they kept asking what was wrong.

But there are other reasons why you might withdraw, and they are all normal


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1361 | Registered: May 2014
jendo
♀ Member
Member # 43059
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard for me too. I have a hard time being around a lot of people. I think it is hard to go through trauma in a room full of people that have no idea what your situation is. It is hard to have a huge secret. I still had to be around people and did my best to enjoy, but it wasn't easy. I enjoy peace. Being alone. Being with just my husband and processing where we are. I can't do a lot of music or tv right now either. It's all really strange. Too busy processing I think.

Posts: 226 | Registered: Apr 2014
tearingaway
♂ Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is perfectly normal and it will get better with time.

Posts: 343 | Registered: May 2010
FoggedIn
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Early on, WH made it a point to continually invite DS & DIL over, literally 4-5 nights a week with our GD who was about a year old at the time. It was near impossible for me to function at that point, then MIL would show up, it was a F'ing house full & I know he did it as an avoidance technique.
When they were there, he didn't have to deal with what was going on in our life, he didn't have to deal with the A. However it was completely overwhelming for me. He turned on his 'charm' and acted like everything was fine, began the physical affection toward me that use to be ok with me pre-A, but that I had made clear was no longer ok. (pats on the but, touchy feelie, in general just an attitude of 'everything is fine') Which completely triggered me and made it worse.
I spoke to him about needing time, time away from the crowds of people, time to process, time alone and although he said he understood, it continued.

So I agree, I withdrew from social activities for a while, I withdrew from family, friends, life so to speak. I just needed space and time to process things alone. There were/are times I need people, but there are/were times I needed solace. Take time and space and do what YOU need. But do not be a hermit forever, it is easy to do, it's not a healthy long term road to take. But short term sometimes it is just necessary!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
losttrust1231
♀ New Member
Member # 44270
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once again, thank you.

Honestly, I think it is a lot of things.

It is difficult to be with other people especially since only two people know everything that happened. I have been reluctant to share, especially with my family, for fear of how they will treat my husband if we are to get through this.

Also since DD I have gained 30 pounds so I don't like what I see in the mirror. It is easy to just go to work, go home and take care of the boys and start over again the next day.


Me - 47
Him - 44
Married 1 1/2 years; Together 3 years
Blended family of five boys
Me - 14 and 11
Him - 17, 13 and 9
DD - 12/31/13

Lost, lost and lost :-(


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2014
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends on the individual, but I sure did go into a caccoon.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
losttrust1231
♀ New Member
Member # 44270
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know everyone is different. It has been 7 months and I am still very anti-social and it just gets worse as time goes on. Can you all share how long you stayed withdrawn?


Me - 47
Him - 44
Married 1 1/2 years; Together 3 years
Blended family of five boys
Me - 14 and 11
Him - 17, 13 and 9
DD - 12/31/13

Lost, lost and lost :-(


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2014
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

losttrust1231 - it's been 2yrs for me and I'm still pretty withdrawn.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
OkNotOk
♀ New Member
Member # 44229
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't be around people yet. I'm an extrovert and people can tell there is something wrong. I can't help but start crying when they do.


I've lost 35lbs since this nightmare started and I hate when people tell me I look good. I know that it's normal to compliment someone on weight loss. Sometimes I want to scream out "it's because WH is a motherfucking cheating liar that's been screwing his coworker"


Posts: 39 | Registered: Jul 2014
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very isolative now, going on the 3 years we have been back together since dday.

In some ways, its something we never had in our marriage, so its a good thing. We do things around the house, take day trips, enjoy "bed days" on rainy days. Learn to enjoy each other again.

The bad thing is I know I isolate to a degree because I'm afraid of running into the OW
I know I'll have to work to get to indifference on this one. ugh.

All in all, in our situation anyways, its more of a positive than a negative.


Posts: 613 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always considered myself a strong and confident woman. But, the blow to who I am has disrupted my self esteem and the depression has been difficult to shake.

Recently, I could not bring myself to plaster a smile on my face and "fake it until I make it". So, I chose not to attend neither my family or high school reunions.

On a positive note, yesterday I did meet with a former employer about a job prospect. Yeah for me. That was a big step.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Topic Posts: 15

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