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User Topic: Stressed
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Long story short, one of my neighbors called this AM to say that she thought she saw my XWH's car outside of my house this AM (around 9am). She didn't the plate, so I don't know that it was his car at all. My neighbor is great - but she's 82 and I'm not sure she'd be able to see it if she had tried. She said she noticed it stopped outside the house - but didn't make it out the door to look closer until they were pulling away. She didn't remember if the car had a specialty tag.

I have no idea why XWH would have been there at that time (I would certainly be at work, and the kids at camp). My sweet neighbor went over and checked around the house and didn't find anything.

It's not like he has a particularly special vehicle, so it could have been nothing, but it just got me going on the panic cycle again. I hate all of this. The kids have been having nightmare pretty consistently for the last week or so. They claim that they are fine with everything, but I can't help but think it's related. I swear I was just saying last night that I was starting to relax again. Ha. Not so much. At the same time I'm trying to focus on the fact that I have awesome neighbors who have my back and are watching out for me and the boys.

blech. I need a vacation. Far, far away.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((brokeninfl))))

Can you get a video surveillance system? I searched on Amazon, and these don't seem to be very expensive or that complicated to set up. It might be worth it for your peace of mind--not to monitor obsessively, but to give you extra information. I agree, on the plus side you now know that your neighbors are taking your safety very seriously. It makes sense that you're terrified; give yourself more time on high alert and yet remember that it could have been a false alarm.

I hope you can get that vacation soon. Hang in there.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((bifl)))

Ok. I am not trying to freak you out.... but um, yeah, I would not try to make a bunch of excuses for all the "innocent" things this could be.

If it were an "official vehicle" of some sort, there will either be a notice on your door from the water/cable, tree service/ whatever. Why your house and not all the houses on the street?

Sure, there is a slim chance that it was someone lost who pulled over to check their phone and it just happened to be right in front of YOUR house, but given the recent events in your life, I would over react instead of under react. Sorry.

As for trying to determine if it was your ex's car or not, I would be more interested in trying to determine enough about this particular car in case it shows up in the neighborhood again. Your ex could be driving a totally new car, borrowed one, stole one, or whatever.

Would your neighbor call and report a "suspicious vehicle" at your residence and the time? I think it is a good idea to keep the police aware of the potential for an incident at your location. Also, if there is another incident and they are called to your home, the pattern could be helpful to have documented.

I am so sorry you kids are having nightmares. It certainly sounds like they are affected. Are they in therapy? Can you think of ways to help them feel empowered?

I have experience with the nightmares. The good news is that it did go away with time. A few things my boys did: they decided to share a room so they didn't have to go to bed alone, they slept with a light on, a few times one would wake and ask to sleep in my bed. They took the dog with them. They used their ipod to listen to music or a favorite tv show to go to sleep to. (The youngest watched/listened to Johnny Test episodes on YouTube.)

Neither child was able to do sleep overs for about a year. The night fear at home was bad enough, but away from home? Nope.

I pointed out all the good people that live around us, including where I knew policemen and firemen and even an SBI agent lived. We frequently talked about all the things we do to be safe.

I like CSI and Criminal Minds type shows, but I did not watch them when the kids were at home. My oldest child would call downstairs if he heard me watching tv and he even imagined it was a "scary show."

Patience and time with the kids.

Heightened alertness and reaction to strangers and strange vehicles at your home.

If your ex reasonably expected the house to be empty, and chose that time it seems to me that he expected it was "ok" and he would not get caught but that he is still fixated.

Stay vigilant. (((hugs)))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It might have been him, and it might not have been. I would bet that it was, though. Even if he's just doing drive-by's. I might look into a surveillance system, just to be sure.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3429 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ya'll.

It turns out it was my ex. I'm bad about sorting through my mail. I tend to bring it in and let a couple days pile up before I go through it. I pretty much get nothing but junk mail and credit card offers.

Anyway, friday after work I was going through all the mail - and there was a blank envelope -- with a 18 page letter from ex -- it looked like he must of wrote it over several days. It was very odd and disjointed. Angry - ranting about how I'm trying to ruin his life and take the kids away -- how i'm over reacting and making things up -- what a bitch I am and how I'll rot in hell -- then all apologetic he's so sorry - he never meant to scare me -- he'd never hurt me-- then just writing out stories about when we first dated -- then a very disturbing and graphic recounting of some of our sex life.

So yeah. Called the cops. The came out - took the letter, talked to the neighbors. Ex was arrested, again. Got out this am.

Anyway, so my neighbors aren't crazy. My ex is crazy, and I kind want to move.

I am looking into the surveillance for the house.

I am so sorry you kids are having nightmares. It certainly sounds like they are affected. Are they in therapy? Can you think of ways to help them feel empowered?

They have not been in IC but I got some names this week and I'm going to look into it. I think it will help. I know they are feeling very insecure. I had my BFF come pick them up so they could hang out with her and her kids before I called the police on friday, but in retrospect I'm not 100% sure that was the best idea. They knew I was freaked out -- and they didn't get to see the resolution. I'm starting to wonder if by sheltering them too much I'm actually making things worse.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like you might have said this in your last thread about him, the one where he was calling you and outside your house in the middle of the night, but do you have a restraining order against him?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH MY GOD! THIS GUY IS FUCKING BATSHIT CRAZY! So what happens now that he was arrested?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3429 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many times does he have to be arrested?? This is crazy!!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh I'm so sorry.

Do look into surveillance. I'm not sure how much moving would help but do what you need to do. I'm glad the police were involved.

I hope you get some peace soon. Thank goodness for your neighbor and for the police stepping in.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Sorry I didn't update -- last week exWH checked himself into an inpatient mental health facility Wed last week. exMIL told me since it affects visitation (obviously) I don't know how long he'll be there or what exactly he is being treated for, but I'm glad for whatever it is. Maybe this will get us all off the crazy train.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad he's getting treatment. (((brokeninfl))) Hope you get some peace of mind soon.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my god - do glad you are okay! I hope he gets the help he needs.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4622 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 12

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