As I continue to heal and live a life without my WWEX , I cant help sometimes but wonder .. what my life would have been like if I had the child.. I know his now OW -who was his ex Turned Gf again - doesnt work and spends the day cleaning his house and tending to their child.. he wanted me in that role and I didnt want that for myself... that is why I resisted thing.. the A would have happened regardless of that but man it just still at times makes me question my self worth.. he threw away someone driven and passionate about life who liked to travel and cease life for someone who is happy and content being a stay at home mom and mooching off of him...
the other day I saw his friends and they told me he has found someone who accepts his drug using , never going to get out of where he lives life down in the scums and I am up in the clouds wanting more for my life and that it was evident the entire time.. basically that he has someone on his loser level...
sometimes I semi envy her life.. not having to work , being able to do whatever she wants, and she instantly earned a man with a house and property and money and she didnt have to do anything and got pregnant right away..
but then i dont envy her. depending off a man of his caliber , a cheating decieving abusive liar .. it might take me longer to have my own house and stuff but it will be MINE not someone elses that I got lucky on coming up off of.. I know I am ruminating.. ok rant done
OW was his ex he always convinced was his friend .. moved in her and knocked her up , got together behind my back
Ddays : many in 2009 and 2010
final dday : Sept 2012 after being broken up 3 w
Its hard to not compare ourselves with the OP. believe me I know this as do probably most of the BS here. In some cases (like yours) you have to wonder... *he gave me up for THAT????* WTH. In other cases (like mine) I wonder if WW is settling by staying with me.
Any comparisons with the OP leads to nests of vipers.
Right now maybe its best to just concentrate your efforts toward your own success in your career. and let the rest take care of itself. In time and when you are ready you will find someone MUCH better to be with. Believe me. there are guys out there that would swim across oceans and walk through fire just for the chance to be with someone like you.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Sometimes people just want different things out of life. It sounds like maybe that's what happened here. Was he upfront with you about what he wanted in life? Some men want the traditional role for themselves and their women. Some women want to play that role. That alone doesn't make them losers (you know them, I don't. I'm just making an observation about generalities.) I guess I'm saying that people should get these things out in the open before they build a life together. If you don't want that role, then you shouldn't be with a man that wants a woman in that role. And if it turns out that way, try to look for someone who wants the same things out of life and don't look back and judge yourself by anyone else's yardstick.
Sounds like he just wanted something "barefoot and pregnant", and you know what that means all around.
He won't be nurturing another level of life with her and the kids, or, enjoying any milestones of a happy family, like, First Grade, first day at camp, first day of high school, proms, off to college.... He won't be planning the next step in a couple's relationship. Vacations alone, Disney World as seniors off for another great adventure after the kids launch into their own lives.
Instead of dreams there will be stale resentment.
Instead of participation in each family milestone there will be indifference in front of a laptop or television. The photo album will be bare.
Instead of intimacy there will be estrangement.
And both will attempt to find solace in another's bed. And its a good bet that it will destroy them.
And you won't be there. You will be elsewhere making your dreams come true. With someone who shares them.
That's your "ODE" to a cheating, deceiving, abusive liar.
While I don't know the situation of the OW and know there's a lot of pain and anger in regards to her - I just wanted to say that there is nothing wrong in general with those who do stay home and take care of children and do not work. That they are a stay at home mom does not make them a moocher.
Please know that lots of folks read and don't always know what to say and therefore don't reply ( I have to remind myself of this as well). I think you dodged a bullet with that guy and you have freed yourself to meet a man who will love and cherish you.
EAP has a good job. (In my vocation, I might add...) she has no kids. She didn't have to take several years off, because her working was costing the family more than she brings in. My education is obsolete. I basically have to start completely over with my education, despite the $37,000 in student loans, just to get my career back. She and her BH go on exotic vacations... Have a hip apartment. Se even drives the scooter I always wanted.
I've enjoyed being home with my kids, I have. But... I can't find work, now. Because of staying home. And it's because of the attitude that I've just been mooching off my husband, "doing whatever I want". Lol, any SAHM can tell you that that is so far from the truth. It wasn't until my youngest went to kindergarten that I was even able to go to the bathroom on my own. I am jealous that SHE gets to do what she wants. And I am stuck with a messy house full of people who don't clean up after themselves... Because I am not working, so I have to be the one to clean...
I don't mean that as defensive as it sounds... Just, that she is probably just as jealous of you and your perceived freedom, as you are of hers. I know EAP was jealous of me and my "ability" to stay home.
[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 12:43 PM, July 31st (Thursday)]
Being a SAHM means giving up your independence. I've seen many SAHM BW's who express feeling trapped after discovering the cheating. I wouldn't be surprised if the OW is envious of you being self-supporting.
I picked someone beneath me, in every sense of the way. For me what was a partying casual relationship turned into serious because I got pregnant. I got stuck.
I was the complete opposite of his previous ex's..I exposed him to a lifestyle most ppl would LOVE and be envious to have. BUT even with that he just wasn't happy and was something he didn't really want. As quickly as he wants a "committed" relationship, he doesn't like all the responsibilities tied to that commitment.
many times I would tell him, We might want the same things in life but we just don't want them with each other. Our expectations of a "life" are at different levels.
His latest rebound gf/fiancee is a "single mom" that works 2 jobs and by all means they are engaged after 4mos- they talked engagement and wedding within a month of meeting..YEAA hes NPD, BUT she is just like him- gives the appearance of being a responsible parent. They moved in this past week because he of course can't keep roof over his head due to "my childsupport" being so outrageous! I will let you decide what kind of a "parent" and struggling single mom she is... Her 15 yr old son has serious behavior/acting out issues: suicidal(came out Bisexual), has rage issues, CUTS himself, uses drugs, sexually active(he claims someone tried accusing him of rape, almost died 3 weeks ago some heart surgery issue..what does she do? She ships him back to his grandmother to take care of him because she is working 2 jobs but every single time she has off, she is spending with the fiancee(my ex).
She definitely is not promoting any visitation or relationship between him and our kids. why would she? Why would he want someone like that impacting our kids well being?
Yes, your ex new gf/wife might be home and taking care of their kid but there is definitely more than what you might see. She knows how their relationship started and obviously she and your ex share qualities that obviously you were lacking.
Compassion, morals, virtues and honesty most of all a good human being is something that they BOTH do not value.
Count yourself lucky you weren't brought down to their level.
WOW this sounds like my ex.. we broke up and immediately he moved her in and immediately she got pregnant.. its funny our waywards dont of course look at the character of these women , my wwexbfs OW had dumped him years before we met and always used him for rides and other stuff (his poor damsel in distress didnt have a car ) but she never WANTED HIM.. then I come along and date him for 7 years and suddenly the month his business is up and running she has a change of heart .. 10 years with different men after him and suddenly she wants him and he throws us away so easily...
so I can def understand your situation especially with children involved and you had me at the part about her son ! as a parent and mother she should be there helping him , that child is going to resent her and your ex and her will have to live w the resentment.although lets see how long the fantasy lasts.. sounds like you as well are way better off .. just sucks good people get hurt like us :(
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
I in the end will have myself as a back up and she can continue to hustler these idiots...
but don't be jealous. I'll give you some examples:
My current WH's ex was a "SAHM" yet her house was hoarder filthy, her kids were disgusting, she still wanted them in daycare which WH couldn't really afford at the time, she had various drug problems, half the time didn't know where her kids even were, used family members for everything, lazy...my WH would work all day, then come home and cook and clean and take care of all the kids while she sat on her butt constantly. I know this, because I've also heard it from other people and seen the way she is.
MY first marriage: exWH OW was the exact opposite of little SAHM me She was single, had a trust fund, was "fun", was "artsy", could spend as much time as possible stroking the egos of all the guys around her while the rest of us women actually had shit to do.
Current WH howorker: single working mom, likes to party with all her free time, but acts like she SUCH a spectaclular mother and her parents seem to do most of the child care always. I believe she liked to make WH (and other men) think she was such a hardworking do-it-all-herself little martyr - better than "lazy" SAHMs - even though her family does everything and on her free time she is usually drinking not to mention how much time it takes out of her parenting time to carry on an A with married men at the company and flirt with guys like my WH . What did she have, an hour a day, to be the super mom she claims?? Yeah, right...
See, OW are all kinds. Don't be jealous of her lifestyle. She has a kid with a drug addicted cheater, I can't think of a better revenge...