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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Not sure I can make it through this day
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like a shell of myself today. Its so strange waking up alone. But it's also freeing to not wonder where he is or what he is doing anymore. There's really not much to miss of him. Just the "company" and the occasional feeling of feeling loved I guess. Who knows. My dd was crying again last night. She misses her daddy. Hasn't see him since Monday. Hasn't talked to him since Monday. Actually, I think the last time she saw him was Sunday night because she was in bed when he came to my place on Monday. I'm really hoping and praying that he does not abandon her.

I refuse to bitch at him about it either. I will just comfort her and hold her when she cries and assure her that Mommy isn't going anywhere. If he cancels, that's on him. He will have his own regrets in life later.

Just praying that I can make it through this day. And that I get my keys back asap. I pray that he gets his stuff out today. And not take a couple of days. I want to feel safe and secure in my home again.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Numb)))
You can do it. One minute to one hour at a time. Sending you strength


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6678 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numb - I'm still thinking about you and your DD - sending you strength.

Stay Strong. You can do this. We have all been there and it is a horrible feeling, but you are going to survive.

Remember the things you have seen posted on this site about taking care of yourself. Don't focus on what he is going to do or not do, or how he is going to react. Just really focus on yourself and let yourself grieve. Focus on your heart and just feel. It is super-shitty, but it is the only way to get through these feelings. You have to let your heart hurt for a little while. Once the pain subsides, your heart (and you) will be much stronger.

I know it doesn't feel this way either, but your DD will survive too. It doesn't matter what decision your WBF makes, show your DD the love and support you do and she will be okay.

Stay strong!

ETA - grammar/typos

[This message edited by DepressedDaddy at 10:43 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 843 | Registered: Dec 2013
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Numb)))

Your a wonderful mommy

Hefty bag his crap and put it on the porch, lawn, curb, etc.

Sending you strength and mojo,,,,,,,,,,,,,


Posts: 686 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really trying. Only 7 more hours of work then I can go home and cuddle up with my little love bug. I'm pretty sure he will ask to pick her up from daycare today and bring her home to me when I get off work. He asked yesterday but never showed up. So, I have quickly learned to NOT tell her Daddy is coming, etc. I don't want to get her hopes up. I will let Daddy visits be surprises for her. That will work out better for her and help ease the potential for more heartbreak :(

I have set up an appointment to see a counselor for us (me and dd). MOstly to talk to dd and assess how she is doing, and help me with helping her through this. Nothing permanent, I just want to make sure I do what is in my daughters best interest. She is the most important person in my life.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Numb2014)))

You can make it through today. For her.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1801 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids are the same age. You are doing the right thing with just comfort, love and assurance. It's so hard I know.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dd is a daddys girl. She chooses daddy over me all the time (and I know its because he doesn't spend as much time with her, so my feelings aren't hurt TOO bad). I don't understand how you can be there with your daughter day in and day out and play with her and just be a daddy, to going 4 days without seeing your precious little angel. NOTHING could ever keep my from my child. I would never choose to not see my dd. Its like he avoids seeing her because he doesn't want to see me, which is fine, I firmly believe that not seeing him is helpful to me and my healing. But do not put our dd in that crossfire. He's missing out on cuddle and her constantly telling him she loves him, etc. She told me last night if I get a new husband, she will not call him daddy because God only gave her one daddy, and that if daddy gets a new wife, she will not call her Mommy because God only gave her on Mommy.

Even when he takes her on his time, I will make sure to call her every night to say goodnight. I need to at least hear her voice every day, and I don't ever want her to go a day without hearing my voice.

[This message edited by Numb2014 at 11:18 AM, July 31st (Thursday)]


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
ISurrender
♂ New Member
Member # 44064
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Numb)))

Stay strong and take deep breaths when the walls feel like they are coming in a bit. Working and dealing with these emotions is extra stressful, so prioritize and hit squeaky wheels. While you don't need them in your business, do let your manager/boss understand you are having a bad day. If they have a soul, they should be helpful.

Also know that you have that radiant smiling DD waiting for you

Like you, I can't imagine a day without my DD. Maybe you should consider each of his no shows as a gift to you that you get another day with your DD, loving her, sharing your values, and building a stronger bond.


BS (me): 46
WW: 39
Together for 8 yrs
Married for 6 yrs (since 2008)
DD: 2 yrs
DDay: 7-Sep-2013; 6-7 month PA/EA as of Dday
I filed: Jun 2013, she's still in the house with me.
Kept seeing POS for 2 months after telling me. No remorse

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Maryland
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Remember, you are going through a sort of withdrawal. It is not easy.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3493 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Numb)))

Your DD is so lucky to have you. And I'm sure you're lucky to have her too! I'm glad you found a counselor to see. Change is always hard for children, but you and she will adjust. When yo miss him, think about how badly he is treating his little girl and it will straighten your spine right up!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs and strength to both of you!

NOTHING could ever keep my from my child.

That is because you are not the selfish, self centred one.
Your WH is. That us how he could cheat and continue with it.

You are a great mom. Doing the right thing. Making the right choices.
Stay strong. It will get better each day.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter and I felt that way too the night he didn't come home. We held each other crying in bed together. I know how you feel. My prayers go out to you and your baby

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter and I felt that way too the night he didn't come home. We held each other crying in bed together. I know how you feel. My prayers go out to you and your baby

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In fact, my daughter has requested to sleep in my room with me after he left and after the baby was born, we all sleep in the same room. We wake up smiling and telling each other i love you. My baby is too young to know but my now 10 yr old daughter can see through his actions that her father does not have consideration for her or the baby.

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
hopefulmom44
♀ Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numb-Adjusting to visitation is difficult for everyone, more so for children, specially if WS doesn't keep up with schedule. I'm glad to hear that you are taking DD to IC. That will help her cope with the change. Sending hugs to you and your little one.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 16

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