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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pessimistic about the idea of remarriage?
choosehappy86
♀ New Member
Member # 44287
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who are pursuing divorce/divorced what is your idea of remarriage?

Before I met my husband I was all excited about marriage and optimistic about it. Though I am still optimistic about the idea of being in good fulfilling relationship after divorce and still a believer in good people in the world. I dont care so much about the idea of getting married again. Dont get me wrong. Marriage the way God intended is truly wonderful but when you got fallible people who fuck it up I just think its way too risky to enter into that again. Way I see it if I or the new guy mess up we can just break up no messy divorce. I know that may sound negative but it sounds more like a win to me.

What say you? After all your going through with pursuing divorce or have divorced are you optimistic about the idea of remarriage or no? Why or why not? Look forward to your responses


Posts: 35 | Registered: Jul 2014
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been D for 10 years. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man - 3 years now, and we have been living together for 1 year. I have no desire for marriage. I look at marriage as a legal arrangement that may or may not have financial benefits. I wouldn't be more committed to my SO with that legal document.

But we are both older, have raised our families, and no longer care what the world thinks of what we do.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7789 | Registered: Aug 2005
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tried it twice. Both ended on same note.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'll be damned if I end up with a #3.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who are pursuing divorce/divorced what is your idea of remarriage?

I am not divorced yet but the idea of remarriage makes me sick to my stomach. If two people want to have children then it is in their best interests legally if the couple is married in order to protect the children, IMHO. Other than that I don't see why yoking yourself to someone legally makes much sense. Granted this is coming from a guy who has been used financially in every way possible by my STBXWW so I am on high alert now when it comes to that. My ideal would be another woman who values personal responsibility and is financially independant. I want a PARTNER, not a dependant child.

Ya, I sound bitter...because I am. Won't fool me twice.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
choosehappy86
♀ New Member
Member # 44287
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the feed back guys!

im happy for you newlease. your message puts a smile on my face because when I wrote down my goals yesterday one of the goals when I divorce is "be in a good relationship with a man". I dont care about remarrying. I only care if the relationship is good to me. if he is good to me and I am good to him that is all that matters.

sorry to hear that hurting. I dont blame you for not wanting to marry again.

rye I hear you on that. when I enter into an exclusive relationship after my divorce I personally would want us to maintain our own places. he can sleep over or I sleep over as much as we want but if it dont work out go back to whence you came lol.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Jul 2014
suckstobeme
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Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been D for almost 3 years now and don't even really have a strong interest in dating yet. I'm a little scared that I've missed some window of opportunity and I'm now too set in my ways and my routines to want to invite someone else in. I feel like a relationship would upset the balance that I worked so hard to get back.

Even if I was ready to date and wanted a serious relationship, I seriously doubt I would ever remarry. I am that professional, financially independent woman and I have seen very clearly how my exwh could have crushed me. He's a professional too, but he apparently developed a lovely habit of gambling and racking up all sorts of secret credit card debt. He used both of our incomes for all of his fantastic habits, so I have no idea how much of my salary went to subsidize his idea of "fun". He was in charge of the finances and, had this gone on for much longer, he could have effed up my credit and made me lose everything I've ever worked for, including my home and my savings. I trusted him blindly and that unfortunately turned out to be a huge mistake that I will never make again.

I too was really excited to be married. It gave me such a sense of peace and comfort and security. I did it once with all the faith and love that I was supposed to have. I had my kids with him and we built what I believed was a nice life. In the blink of an eye he destroyed everything. Aside from my kids, the only thing I can be thankful for is that I somehow skated out without the serious financial ruin that he could have heaped on me.

So, as you can tell from my answer thus far, I am very pessimistic about the idea of remarriage.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2882 | Registered: Jan 2011
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ideal would be another woman who values personal responsibility and is financially independant. I want a PARTNER, not a dependant child.


Yes, yes, yes.

When I was young, I married for lust, desire and some compatibility.

I'm a long ways from the dating scene, but am determined to find someone who shares my likes, dislikes, has similar interests and values. My M to STBX was always hard work because we had so little in common.

Rather be alone then with someone who bores me.

As far as remarriage, for religious reasons, yes. But pre-nups and a marriage contract before I go down that road again seems very likely.


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 239 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
Lola2kids
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Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being in a relationship with a BS who was very anti marriage meant that he would not marry me.

I thought he would never cheat on me because he had been cheated on by his ex-wife and knew how it felt.

I was wrong.

We were never married and he had no intention of marrying me.
He is now engaged to the OW.

Is it any wonder I don't have a good feeling about marriage?
Don't think it will ever happen for me. I am too old and too afraid to try again. I don't think I will ever have the chance at another relationship let alone marriage.
... and I guess I'm ok with that.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 1:02 PM, July 31st (Thursday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1455 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ideal would be another woman who values personal responsibility and is financially independant. I want a PARTNER, not a dependant child.

That just summed up 16 years of my life between xw and stbxw. IF I ever become involved in a relationship, it will be with a PARTNER, and no, I will not be getting married.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
jackfish
♂ Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remarriage? Never, not a chance, Nope, can't fathom that idea! Running like hell from all ""intimate"" relationships if I even get a SNIFF of one.

Just patiently waiting for an official signing, and I'll be as single as single can get.

JMHO on the subject, :)


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
choosehappy86
♀ New Member
Member # 44287
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sucks, my finances took a big hit over my WH. thats why I am adamant that once I am divorced and start a new relationship with someone else that we maintain our own places.

cvs, I too will want someone who shares my values such as love, respect, monogamy, family....

lola, wow so he was BS in previous marriage and become a WB? interesting but unfortunate as well especially proposing to the OW. thats fucked up. but what I personally think is more unfortunate is that you believe you wont have a chance at a relationship. I mean if your truly okay with that then there is nothing wrong with that I know people who are truly happy not being in a relationship. but if you would like one I hope you can find it in you to expect to have one and that it is possible. call me an optimist when it comes to the idea of a good relationship. remarriage not so much.

hurting, amen to that. partner I am down for. another spouse under my belt no thank you

jack, intimacy personally doesnt scare me if its the right person but im not gonna lock myself legally to them though lol

thank you all so much for your responses


Posts: 35 | Registered: Jul 2014
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remarriage: Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Due to the nature of my double betrayal, it will be a looooooooong time before I trust anyone like that again.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1973 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am absolutely uninterested in marriage. Not interested in sharing anything. I like my space, I like my time, I like doing what I want.

If I ever get involved in a serious relationship again, there will be no marriage. Hell, there may not even be any living together. We can do fun sleep-overs, trips, concerts, hikes, runs, beer tastings, and whatever else strikes our fancy. But remarriage? Hell to the fuck no.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4744 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
choosehappy86
♀ New Member
Member # 44287
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya gemini

Hell, there may not even be any living together. We can do fun sleep-overs, trips, concerts, hikes, runs, beer tastings, and whatever else strikes our fancy. But remarriage? Hell to the fuck no.

omg my thoughts exactly, tesla.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 14

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