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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Quick help please
blindsided81
♀ Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please,please tell me why taking his clothes to his work and dumping them on his car is not a good idea.

Trying desperately to keep composure. He called and left a message saying he wanted to come by and get some things.

Then he had the nerve to be mad because I told my sister in law (who I am friends with) that he had moved in with the OW. He was furious I had told her since she told his brother.

I am so mad and well you know.


Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you think it's such a bad idea? Sounds like he needs a wake up call. How is it these WS think they can MOVE IN with a woman while they are still married and think that people won't find out? You don't owe him anything at this point.


BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 38 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 759 | Registered: Apr 2013
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a bad idea... But if you want to keep composure, well, then the next best thing to do is to throw his stuff in garbage bags and tell him he's got X amount of time to retrieve before it gets hauled off to the dump. Or shoot better yet, just throw his stuff out period.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 554 | Registered: Jan 2014
needfriendshere
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about just throwing them in some large trash bags and dumping them out on your (or his) front lawn? That's what I was going to do at first and is what I will do if my H EVER cheats again!

Dumping them on his car would sure feel good, but unless his car is parked all by its little lonesome, other innocent cars and other property will share in the debris pile and you don't want to piss anyone else off - just your H.

I know how you feel!! (((Blindsided81)))


Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 423 | Registered: May 2014
blindsided81
♀ Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe I will.

I am trying desperately to better than them but how much does he want from me. He's already taken everything I cared about.


Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
BlueBlueEyes
♀ Member
Member # 43949
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm for at work. I threw some stuff onto our lawn and now trying to R haven't faced the neighbors... Ug.


BW - 49
WH - 50
Married 30 years
Beautiful Son, Daughter and 2 Grandsons.

OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.

Hopeful but cautious


Posts: 194 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Texas
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do it! It seems a very clear signal that you are no longer willing to tolerate his shit.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Daddo
♂ Member
Member # 4504
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree with the other responders.

Don't create drama at his place of work - that won't help anyone. You can put his stuff in garbage bags and leave them by your door - that's fine. But keep work out of it.

As for his being angry for your telling his sister - he has got to be kidding. You have the right to tell anyone you want to tell. His plan was to lie to his family - more lying is not the answer. He can't hide from his choices.

Don't let your anger overwhelm you. You have every right - but it won't help you. Go out for a run - work out, direct that anger to something positive. Don't yell at him, the kids.....don't let yourself turn into someone you can't live with.


It's just so sad
But I'm moving on feeling better

Posts: 2506 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Cupertino, CA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh boo freaking hoo. the jerk absolutely needs to get over himself, he ain't all that and a can of spam too.FTG.

hefTy bags, front yard, tell the neighbors why.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And as a second thought, change the locks too.

Again, you're not doing it to keep him out, you're doing it because the previous licks broke


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you thinking that it's a 'bad idea' to dump his shit at his work because he seems entitled to get mad at YOU for the consequences of his choices? - I'm referring to when you told his sister that he is cohabitating with OW. I'm not sure that I'd dump his crap at his place of employment, I wouldn't want to waste my gas. But if you wanted to bag his shit up and leave it in your garage for him to retrieve at your convenience, I say go for it. He's expecting you to play by some 'rules' , but he can betray you, deceive you, stab you in the back, and go shack up with OW? Doesn't sound right to me. Do what you feel like doing......he did.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
BlueBlueEyes
♀ Member
Member # 43949
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad do is right. The less drama the better for yourself in the long run. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy the thought:)


BW - 49
WH - 50
Married 30 years
Beautiful Son, Daughter and 2 Grandsons.

OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.

Hopeful but cautious


Posts: 194 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Texas
atreides
♂ Member
Member # 44180
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

to me it seems like a harmless way to vent and convey a message... therapeutic too

Posts: 150 | Registered: Jul 2014
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

next time he calls, ask him if it's about the kids or finances. if it's not, please refer him to your attorney at the Law Offices of Fuck, You, Cheater & Goodbye.

damn, I'm sorry, but I am just pissed off at this self entitled jerk.

I am so so sorry that you are in this situation.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yah I don't think I'd make drama at work, afterall if you D you want him gainfully employed.

I do not think it unreasonable to put allhis shit in hefty bags, and set them on the lawn, and perhaps turn the sprinklers on..... That would be awesome.....

Honestly you have to have some semblance of cooperation with this douchebag, so just keep in mind actions have consquences, and try to take the high road as much as possible. It will help you in the long run.

Oh but it is perfectly reasonable to dream, and wish horrific things for him.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Cookie7088
♀ Member
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I prefer the method of tossing them out on the lawn....with a big sign that says, "These belong to a cheating husband! Honk if you support HIS wife, and believe cheating is wrong!"
I saw it only once...and of course I honked my horn!

Busy street....I can't image how humiliating it had to be for that man to be picking up his belongings while people drove by laughing and honking....

And your spouse is worried about your sister-in-law???


Posts: 671 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say dump his shit on OW's lawn. He lives there after all...right? Give him a nice housewarming gift...clothes in Hefty bags...

Asshole.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
somer222
♀ Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hefty garbage bags, front yard. Let the neighbors know why. Put as little effort into this as you can. No need to fold his clothes before cramming them into the bags. Let him know to come get his crap and if it isn't gone by tomorrow noon, Goodwill is sending a truck. Period.

Too bad if he is mad that you told his sister and now his brother knows. The truth. He was planning on lying.

Big hugs. Stay strong. I felt immediately better once I purged all of my ex's crap from the house. I hope it does the same for you.


Posts: 1429 | Registered: Oct 2008
somer222
♀ Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blindsided,

I know you have seen a PI, but you also need to see an attorney, if you haven't already done so. ASAP!

Get control over your money asap - whatever is legal - do it now. Also, run a credit report to make sure he hasn't opened up any new accounts in your name. If he is beneficiary on any life insurance policies you have on yourself, change the beneficiary asap.

I'm trying to remember how I was scrambling after D day, doing everything I could to protect myself financially, as well as emotionally.

He is not the man you married. I think you have accepted that. The emotional fallout is bad, but anything you do to protect yourself now is going to really help bolster your mood. He is thinking only of himself. You need to do the same.

Others may have some very good advice on things to do to get your ducks in a row. If I was you, I'd spend the time right now in protecting yourself financially, and then pack up his stuff. He can wait until you are ready.

He can have his gf do his laundry if he needs clean undies.

I'm so sorry!


Posts: 1429 | Registered: Oct 2008
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with daddo. You don't need more grief and whining from him. I'm not looking to make things easier on him, I'm looking to make them easier on you.

It's possible at some point in the future there you could face a judge during the divorce. Don't give your asshole husband any ammo he can use against you. Stay away from his work.

Absolutely trash bag everything and leave the bags outside for him to pick up. Don't answer the phone or the door while he's there.

Ignore his bitching about who knows what. He doesn't have a say in what you do anymore.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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