I'm really sorry, Holly.
It's sooooo frustrating, on top of all the rest, to still be connecting the dots later on...I'm doing the same thing. It doesn't even matter any more in day to day life, but in order for me to put it all away from my brain, I need answers still.
For about a year Perv got away with lying, omission or running from having to answer and I don't know, to this day, if some things are true or not. ETA I think I would already be divorced and on my way emotionally had I been given the gift of truth from the start.
He let Ow do it.
And, fwiw, I asked him to his face one day, "why lie to me when we're getting divorced and you don't live here anyway?"
He said...Perv's words..."It becomes a way of life for some of us. And it's a challenge." He said, "I started with a small lie to you about where I was going, got away with it and dared myself repeatedly to do it again. Ow lies to everyone, we do it together now."
I hope your IC apt was helpful and you are able to sort things out.Ashland 13
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.