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Newest Member: Nexttome (45693)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What's wrong with me?
Struckoutlooking
♂ New Member
Member # 39289
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been over a year since the A's were revealed. We weeded through the trickle-truths, went to counseling and came out with a closeness that I never thought we could achieve. My spouse has not held back anything I have asked. She left this life of deceit behind when she ended the affair 5 years ago and found religion. So, why do I, now, have this uncontrollable urge to cry randomly? Will I ever be able to stable again? The pain of her affairs is difficult but it's the "looking like a fool" to the involved and the outsiders who knew what was going on that I'm struggling with mostly.


Me: BS (48)
Her: WS (44)
D-Day: 5-2-13 but A's ended 4 years prior

Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Temecula, CA
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing is wrong with you. Part of the pain comes from the humiliation that is felt. It hits people at different times, in different ways. In reality, no one respects a WS, and generally people feel bad for an unknowing BS. There's not much to be humiliated for, but saying that and feeling that are two different things.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She may have ended the affair 5 years ago but your dday was only a year ago. You are asking too much of yourself.

It's generally said to take 2-5 years to heal from this. You don't get to pick a timeframe, it just happens organically if the conditions for R are right.

I know you are probably tired of feeling like this but you have to go THROUGH it, you can't just move past it. Be kinder and gentler with yourself.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2331 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 3

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