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User Topic: WH has no right to insult my male friends
Cally60
♀ Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You seem to have a lot more respect for your friend than for your WH. Are you sure that you really want to stay with a man for whom you have such negative feelings?

Posts: 2116 | Registered: Mar 2009
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You seem to have a lot more respect for your friend than for your WH. Are you sure that you really want to stay with a man for whom you have such negative feelings?

Calley60 just posted this to you. It seems like your marriage is in some real trouble here and that you are more concerned about your friend than fixing things with your husband. That is fine, but the more you write the more it sounds like this is a bit much of a "special friendship". Im sure you'll continue to get more posts basjing your husband, but that is not doing anything to help you solve your problems with your husband.

You should be more bothered with the state of your marriage than what he says about some male friend


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry but I totally disagree with this. The day I take my clothes off and bounce around on my friends lap for cash or lay on a table in front of my friend and spread my naked vagina for him, he can compare my friendship to his stripper encounter.

You are absolutely allowed to have this opinion. However, remember some people (myself included) were much more bothered by the EA portion of an A as opposed to the the PA part of an A. If he feels threatened by your friendship with this friend, the comparison is not that far off perhaps as you feel it should be.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You seem to have a lot more respect for your friend than for your WH. Are you sure that you really want to stay with a man for whom you have such negative feelings?
Calley60 just posted this to you. It seems like your marriage is in some real trouble here and that you are more concerned about your friend than fixing things with your husband. That is fine, but the more you write the more it sounds like this is a bit much of a "special friendship". Im sure you'll continue to get more posts basjing your husband, but that is not doing anything to help you solve your problems with your husband.

I don't feel that way but I can see how it looks that way. I don't want to be that way. I never even see this guy except a couple times a year at mutual friends parties or something. We do not hang out or anything like that and I do not want him at all in any way. I think it's mutual. He's got his issues that's for sure, he's a great friend but he's a lousy boyfriend and partner, I've been good friends with his last ltr gf and she confided in me of what he did. He's no angel that's for sure.

I don't want to feel this way. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO with these feelings and anger. I had told pWH that if he went to a strip club and got lap dances and all, that it would be a deal breaker. Then he did it anyway. Maybe it really is a deal breaker in my heart. I consider it a PA. I realize it would be a lot worse had he had sex or a blow job or something. I don't know if I will ever get over it. Especially without him doing much of anything to own it and fix it. It's not that I want it to be a deal breaker...but...to me it's not really any different than being around a hooker.

It's like pWH pushes me right up to the edge. I feel like I always have to be the stable one and the smart one, while he makes "mistakes" (as he calls them) like going to strip clubs, getting drunk and spending the night at another woman's apt, etc.

I do love him and want to be with him and Im attracted to him and I want nobody else and I don't want to be a bitch! Actually, other than my interrogation burst a couple of weeks ago, I tend to keep all this inside and only talk about it on here. I'm sure I seem like a real bitch most of the time. I don't mean to use everyone here to unload my garabage, but I probably do.

I have no idea what action to take, or what words to say to make anything better in my M. I walk around a hostage to my distrust and anger and sadness, with bursts of happiness. I think I act fine around pWH, but who knows, maybe I'm not as good at hiding my feelings as I think. I'm compartmentalizing I guess....


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are absolutely allowed to have this opinion. However, remember some people (myself included) were much more bothered by the EA portion of an A as opposed to the the PA part of an A. If he feels threatened by your friendship with this friend, the comparison is not that far off perhaps as you feel it should be.

Interesting and true. I definitely fear and hold a PA as a dealbreaker. I do not feel that way about EA. Maybe pWH fears an EA somewhere, maybe he fears a revenge A from me. I do not feel like pWH feels me and friend are in an EA, I rarely talk to friend and never in secret, we dont' hang out, I can't even remember when the last time I talked to him was.but maybe for some reason pWH does fear that. maybe he fears it and just picked this friend as a target example.

You are right, an EA is barely on my radar of things to worry about. I'm dead stuck on PA and that is the deal breaker and fear. So I forget some people view it the opposite. I would rather my spouse had a 10 yr EA with no PA, rather than a 5 minute PA.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think anyone has the right to be CONCERNED about opposite sex friends of their partner. If that partner has a history of cheating then opposite sex friends should be off limits.

However if that partner has NO history of cheating then the danger COULD be minimal. But I think WS are oftimes very aware of how slippery the slope is from a friendship to a affair. Could this be the cause of your WHs issues?

Or it could be that since his affair he is banned from having opposite sex friends. and he resents that you can still have them?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My POV is coming from being married to an emotionally abusive serial-cheater (man would he have LOVED some of your comments) and I am not super familiar with your story so I'm not going to try to comment on your specific situation, but in general......

WH has no right to insult my male friends

No, he doesn't. If your WH is uncomfortable with this friendship, then he needs to use his big-boy words and negotiate a level of contact that you are both comfortable with (taking into consideration YOUR level of trustworthiness, imo). But the generalized trash-talking of a long-term friend of yours whom he has never met is immature and ridiculous.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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