I am trying hard to remember if I was more numb the 2 d-day.
I think I was more devastated the 2nd one.
I had lots of d-days, only count four (one for each year). The first one, I had sent him to rehab for alcoholism and I finally found out what my gut had been screaming all along and he of course had been lying through his teeth. I got ahold of his cell phone and I do not think I will ever forget the texts I saw between them. I had to pull it together and the doctors advised that he had to work on sobriety before he could work on anything else. That was June '09.
August '09 he is back to drinking and I am trying to figure out where he is. He text me and I just know he is with her and I quote you his text "It should come as no surprise" Thankfully, I think I was still reeling from previous information and my mind could not take anymore. That is why I am not sure. I had already been crying for a good year anyway.
March '10 I ask to see his phone records, he has been swearing up and down that he is not in contact with her, but again my gut is screaming at me. He had just been deleting the text messages. He finally gives me the password and I see her number all over the bill. I think I finally started protecting my heart. Started really working on separating everything. He is asking for another chance and I stupidly agree.
June '11 I find out they are still at it. I file for divorce, he is "good" for a few months, white knuckles sobriety and I am now just worn out with it. He again asks for one more chance.
He goes to rehab again in Jan '12, he says he is changed, goes to counseling for a few months, starts drinking again, I get back from a week's vacation, he is wasted, I am beyond done, file for divorce again, he looks her up again and while they were partying I was finalizing the divorce.
There were a lot of d-days in between where I would find they were still in contact but I was so very stupid to want to believe him. Looking back, I never did get my questions answered truthfully. One of those d-days, he told me that she called him to ask for money since her ex was not paying her child support and he just had to help her, but he only gave her a hug and that was it. How fucking dumb could I have possibly gotten.
The best / worst d-day was when the bitch texted him to tell him that he needed to return her bra that she had left in the back of his motorcycle. I now wonder if she did that so that I would know. That was one of the early d-days.
I think that much emotional toll, the brain cannot accept so mercifully I blanked it out for a long time. He said he would mail it back to her but I now believe he met her and gave it back.
I definitely got more numb with each d-day (with the exception of his one text to me, that is burned into my mind for all time) till there was nothing left to try to work on save a divorce.
Life is meant to be lived, not numbed!
In his quest for freedom, he set me free!