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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

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User Topic: No contact letter
losingblindhope
♀ New Member
Member # 44303
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I updated my original post with this questions but since new to site wasn't sure if a new topic was better for getting responses.

What do you think about the "no contact" letter recommended by "Surviving Infidelity" and probably others?
Since he ended the two PAs, and hasn't had contact, it seems unnecessary to send except for admitting to the OW that it was wrong and cruel to me. I recall multiple purposes to the letter which include an attempt to regain my respect, his integrity and rebuild my dignity. But, it there is no contact, it could be waking a sleeping dog.
For the EA, the last email I saw was open-ended. He said he would "see her this summer". He told me yesterday that she texted him after that and he responded that he had alot going on in his life and he was checking out. I said that was not sufficient since it just said "it's not a good time." He claims he is still going to send the no-contact letter. Thoughts?

Thank you.


me-BGF
him- WBF- PA 2006, D-Day 2006; 2 PAs, 1 EA 2013-2014, D-Day April and June 2014.

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2014
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that sending a NC letter to the two PA partners may be unnecessary IF they REALLY are already no contact. Sleeping dogs.

Depending on the depth of the EA, a NC letter may or may not be appropriate....but leaving it "open-ended" as he did wasn't right. Perhaps the best thing, if you trust him, is for him to never respond to her again.

Someone else may have better advice. My WH was unable to send a NC letter because the OW was his employee and I said "nothing in writing, you dumbass".


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2013
JLyn1128
♀ Member
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There had to be a NC for us. I could see the email account they were using to communicate right under my nose (keystroke logger) and WSO was not making contact with her. HE decided it was best to just stop contact. He wasn't even reading her emails. I had texted her to tell her I knew and he would not be seeing her any more. She didn't believe me. She was getting increasingly desperate and sending pictures of her naked breasts saying "don't you miss these?" I demanded a NC email. He sent just a short two liner that he was sorry he let their friendship go too far and not to contact him. That finally brought it home to her and she knew. It unleashed the gates of hell on me.... but she had to hear it from him. Otherwise, I think, the door would have been open just that little crack.


Me BSO 62
Him WSO 62
Together 29 years, living together 17. He's been with her off and on for half of that.
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
Topic Posts: 3

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