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User Topic: I'm in self destruct mode-help!! Vent.
♀ Member
Member # 43549
Sad  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My period is due, I know PMS is doing a number on me but I've also had a rough week for triggers etc. I can't stop thinking about the email the OW sent me way back in response to my NC email. She accused me of lying about the state of my marriage during the A (still sleeping together, etc) implied that he was only here for the kids and that SHE finished with him (I know this is not true but when he told her he didn't really love her or want to be with her and it was over she went nuts and basically turned it around and called him all kinds of names and told him to fuck off and die basically. I can only assume this is her deluded mind convincing herself that SHE finished it). She said I wouldn't want to hear the whole 'truth'.

She blamed me for being a terrible wife and mother and that's why he cheated and accused me of being and saying all kinds of untrue things. Oh and I'm stupid (not sure what exactly for, I think she meant for not knowing what was going on, or maybe for 'keeping' him)
She was completely unremorseful and horrible and this from a woman who a) doesn't know and hasn't met me and b) has been a BW herself.

Anyway I bit my tongue really hard and did not respond but I so, so, so wanted to. The concept of anyone being so heartless is completely alien to me and I struggle to get my head round it. I know it would just escalate if I had responded because she doesn't care about what she has done, she's just pissed because she 'lost'. She showed her true colours in that email (even FWH was shocked by it) and I retained the moral highground with my silence.

Back to my point. The thought of her having no consequences and not giving a shit about the damage she has helped to do is eating me up!!! I want her to feel pain!! I want to message all of her FB friends and tell them the truth about what she has done and who she really is!! I have her number in my phone and I can see when she is online on whatsapp etc and I want to bombard her with abuse!!! I'm so tempted right now!!
I feel possessed!! This is not me at all but it is so unfair. She would have taken everything from me if she could, I'm suffering, my FWH is suffering, so why isn't she????

I think I'm losing my mind. Help :(

Posts: 76 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any attention - ANYTHING, even negative - that you give her will only serve to make her feel IMPORTANT.

She isn't. She's nothing. If you want her to truly suffer? Act as if she doesn't exist. No contact. No energy. No thoughts. NOTHING. She will die a thousand deaths from feeling insignificant.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25717 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She may not be suffering like you are, but she's pretty broken. She was willing to be someone's second choice (even if she couldn't admit it to herself) because she knew he was going home to you every time he left her.

She's also a BW you say? She & her mad hatter H haven't done the work of R, which is apparent in her choice to have an A of her own. I would venture to guess it is not a happy, fulfilling M, nor is it on it's way to being one.

I'm sure there are many awful, hurtful, true things you could say to her. But it either: would resonate- in which case she already knows it, would go unheard because she can't see it/herself for the truth, or would just leave her feeling vindicated that her APs BS really is a crazy, angry, mean person.

Silence is golden. Stick with it.

Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 571 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh MissTrust, I understand. Take a breath. Let it out.

All of your feelings are understandable. I can relate, and actually, my husband's AP was my friend. Imagine that kind of horror. I saw her flouncing around town yesterday and I can't for the life of me imagine why karma hasn't dropped a grand piano on her.

But look at it this way -- APs are in a bad state anyway when they have affairs, unless they are total sociopaths. Happy, well-adjusted people do not have affairs. People who feel good about themselves, do not have affairs. People who feel surrounded by love, do not have affairs. People who respect themselves, do NOT have affairs. Even if she believed all the crap she told you, she is at a minimum gullible, and likely delusional and immoral.

This AP is already living in a hell of her own making. Your husband dumped her. She said that stuff to hurt you -- don't let her win.

PMS has been hell for me since the affair. Try to ride the wave. . . it will pass.

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 43549
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks people, I know you are all correct...I will maintain my silence and dignity. The fact that she lives in another city and is a stranger to me means I will likely never know if and when Karma eventually makes her cough up which is hard to stomach.


She's also a BW you say? She & her mad hatter H haven't done the work of R, which is apparent in her choice to have an A of her own. I would venture to guess it is not a happy, fulfilling M, nor is it on it's way to being one.

This was 2/3 years ago. They are no longer together, her WH left her for his OW. She is alone (as I now feel she deserves!) and clearly desperate, I try to take comfort in that.

[This message edited by MissTrust at 3:05 PM, August 1st (Friday)]

Posts: 76 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remove her from your phone. You don't need to know when she's on whatsapp and you don't need her number there. If you want to keep the number, write it down on a piece of paper and stash it somewhere where you can find it if you need it for whatever reason. What purpose is that serving other than riling you up and reopening the wounds? Block or unfriend her friends on FB.

I know it feels like you're keeping tabs on her and more in control that way, but you're really just hurting yourself.

She is a non-entity. Treat her that way.

BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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