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User Topic: Can it really be so easy as....
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted to try something, someone new? That is partly what has come out in our discussions. That we have been married since we were young. He said he was bored, and wanted to try different. Could it really be that simple? Oh and he felt like I was his sister, not his wife.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That does sting. I gotta say.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013
tl502
♀ Member
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That may have been his motivation, but why he felt justified to cheat on his wife, his marriage, his family and his values is where the true work begins.
The fact that he felt like your brother instead of your husband is a level of immaturity. He can't cope with an adult relationship, and can't deal with the trials and frustrations of m. He may have retreated from controversy?
My h often treated me like his mother. He would even ask me if he could do something. If I told him that I wasnt his mother once, I said it a million times. Very frustrating.


Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 226 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: tl502
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like an excuse

Possibly a contributing factor in why he gave himself permission

But not an actual reason.

As for the sister vs. wife - is that what he told himself during? In my experience listening to my husband's perspectives before and during the A, he had started withdrawing from our marriage mentally/emotionally long before he gave himself permission to have an A. Those were contributing factors. The stresses we had in the marriage were real stresses and real things. but none of them gave him permission, he gave it to himself. And once he did, his perspective of me/our marriage shifted as well to continue giving himself permission - he saw us as distant. And it's no wonder, considering he gave me/our M a fraction of the attention he gave to the OW. hard to feel close to someone when you have an entire second life that takes os much mental energy away as well.


"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul." - William Ernest Henley

Posts: 515 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
nokidding
♀ Member
Member # 16242
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your WS is diminishing here as a means of coping, and possibly avoiding any real sense of responsibility.

Ask and remorseful WS about the tremendous hard work it takes to fix whoa is broken within them.

I mean, seriously, it's not like he fell into a pothole by accident. Cheating take real effort, work, lying.

I agree with Lark. This is not an actual answer.


Fuck Barbie....and her shoes.

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: SE PA
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said that he felt no connection to me. He didn't know how to talk to me about it. It had like your case started years earlier with the emotional detatch. I just took this to be pretty honest. He was looking for someone easy and new. It is a truth in my book. Not the why but a truth.


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah that's not his why. That's just the excuse he told himself to justify it.

Don't you think some married people wonder about being with someone else, even just in fantasy, and especially if they've only been with one or two people?

I think that sounds normal to wonder but many people don't cross that line from fantasy to reality.

What allowed him to cross that line is his why. Many times it's several things, not just one personal flaw. What he told you isn't a reason, it's an excuse.

He's not digging hard enough. Most people need some therapy to get to the real reasons. If he's not in IC get him signed up.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1749 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 7

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