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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm pretty sure dd is meeting ow right now
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need guidance. I need to know how to react when dd tells me she met ow. How the hell do you keep your composure? I know its happening sooner rather than later. How do I stop the sting from stinging? Or at least hide it from dd?

Isn't it the respectful thing to do to tell the other parent "Hey, FYI, dd will be meeting ow today". Isn't that the "right" thing to do? I know...I know..."the right" thing isn't necessarily the way they do things.

Please pray for me. Help me figure out the best way to respond to this. I will find out in 1 hour when I pick dd up...


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I would do is expect she has met her and practice your responses. "That's nice". I also try to steer the conversation towards the 'them' in the story rather than talk about the whore.

I don't talk about her. I don't mention her name. I don't ask for info. Nothing. She is nothing to me.

At first it is agony hearing that whores name come out of your babies mouths but like with anything it becomes your new normal.

I struggled with this a lot in the beginning. I never thought it would stop feeling like I was dying. But it did, It stopped.

I will warn you that in my experience little kids are very excited by new people. In the early days my girls would get on the phone to their dad and be very excited about OWUmpteen. That didn't last - thank fuck. A few weeks later a GF of mine came over for lunch and my girls didn't stop talking about her for weeks.

It isn't because the person is so awesome it is because kids are excited by new people and things.

((Numb2014))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you SBB. I will definitely keep that in mind-about my dd being excited. I may try to non-challantly change the subject. With my son, I could tell him "I really dont want to talk about what you Dad is up to" or something along those lines, and he was always great about it. It may not have been the best way for me to respond to him either though, in hindsight


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Practice the conversations and maybe even do it in front of a mirror.

I have an almost 4 year old and they are pretty self involved so it isn't hard to guide the conversation away from the whore. Just be mindful of your body language etc. as they do pick up on tension.

Do your falling apart when she goes to bed and remind yourself that many mums/dads have been right where you are now and we survived it. As long as his whores are not unkind to my girls I can live with it.

I will never love it but I have accepted it.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was not given a heads up as to when HK met my kids either. It is so hard, but as others say, it becomes your new normal. I also say a lot of "that's nice" and direct the conversation back to dd.

I wouldn't say anything like "I don't want to hear about dad's house". You always want to keep the lines if communication open with your kids. You don't want them to keep things from you in fear that it will upset you. There may be goings on at dad's house that they really need your advice and support in dealing with.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was also not given a heads up; I was like a deer in the headlights when my eldest DS said, "We met Dad's friend...[OW]?" I was cleaning something at the time, and I had to turn my back on him so he wouldn't see the grimace on my face.

I agree with the others. It's hard to believe, but over time, you will care less and less when her name comes out of your kids' mouths. Honestly, when my kids talk about CommandOwife now, it's typically to complain about her, and I don't foster that environment. I expect my kids to behave respectfully and politely, so I typically deflect their remarks or say something like, "That must have been difficult to deal with." So far, she hasn't done anything so terrible that I have needed to get involved; my kids just don't care for her, and I remember feeling worried that they'd like her more, would think she was wonderful, etc. They liked her at first, but now, I think they just tolerate her. Both she and my ex are slowly but surely showing my kids who they are.

Just keep a smile plastered to your face, say "That's nice!" and then change the subject: "So, do you want to go to the playground later?" Kids really can't tell when you're steering them away from a subject deliberately, so that's your best bet that allows your kids to talk to you without creating drama for them or excessive pain for you.

You'll get through this! (((Numb)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't given a heads up either or the kids for that matter (they were teens) and he surprised them as they went to visit him for Fathers Day, thinking it would be the three of them. Needless to say I was totally blindsided when they got home but I just said I am sorry you weren't given any notice but I hope you were respectful as you have been taught and they were. It's unfortunate bc that day is etched in my kids forever and now Father's Day is not a good memory and he wonders why they are struggling with being happy for him and Barbie!

All you can do is smile and redirect and EX and OW will show themselves for who they are they always do. Your kids know who the safe parent is so hold onto that to get you through.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 361 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 7

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