well here I sit in limbo...
no kids, honestly I would be so already D as I am so done with thinking WHs actions have been loving - especially the last 5 years. I feel so stupid to have focused on the positive of 3 amazing kids of that age and rationalizing "it's just a phase"... ha, hell yeah = it was an affair phase and my spidey sense was so gone
so we just got gobsmacked by what I can only hope is a wack-a-do magistrate who ruled that children of the marriage didn't need to be calculated for purposes of CS
OW I am sure knows my WH is a mark... dang trauma-bonded mark that we just had a perfect storm of MAJOR life stressors happening all at once. OK fine, I get the transitional anxiety label for the layer 1 reason for the why... so OW says she's pregnant = she's a CL fuck so it's not like this was anything special = and I still cannot for the life of me fathom THEN in 2008 up to 2014 how WH wraped his brain around trying to rationalize (ah the wonders of compartmentalization) to me "to pretend" to her and live 2 lives "out of fear of facing consequences..." as he's told me.
Good for the OW = she guilted him to get a personal loan to give her a nice chunk of "gift money" buy herself a house. OW planned well and lived at her parent's home rent free with free childcare for 4 years to save up a good salary so now there is plenty in the bank. With the latest CS ruling =wow lookee that= her mortgage is practically paid for each month. coincidence?
You know, I can understand if the $$ was to go into a college fund or something, really I could, since she obviously was doing just fine with the amount he was paying her before, which basically showed was fair given he's still balancing kids from marriage1, our marriage and now this... But to rule that our family - our legally married to him family - "didn't matter" ?? ugh... so we are appealing and I just hate the legal system even more and I didn't think that was possible
My thoughts ? great precedent MD = way to go "cobalt blue" state = reward the bad behavior to the highest extreme for the OW who runs to the courts (of course) the moment the mess is outed and set up so that we can't have time to get an order in place to be used to offset.
My family expenses must now be considered a "deviation" and that apparently isn't a requirement to be used... merely a "guideline".
So to end on a positive note in hopes that folks like me who are on the fence when trying to manage to decide how to act so as to not hurt children while they themselves are hurting in a deep-to-one's core way I found this from a good site - we'll be watching her conference on Aug 8 - it's Melanie Tonia Evans free .pdf "How to do No Contact"
When assessing how emotionally mature individuals operate, we can accept that anyone when hurt in the midst of relationship breakups and problems can act in non-appropriate ways Ė yet certain underlying principles are foundational within an emotionally healthy individualís integrity.
People who are healthy and do have Emotional Intelligence:
Tell the truth.
Will attempt to discuss matters in rational terms, and will seek to return to mature discussions even after problems.
Have enough respect and care about the other person to not purposefully maim them.
Try to achieve fair and equitable outcomes.
Have consideration for the other personís emotional and practical needs and will attempt to support these needs.
Take responsibility for their actions and behaviour.
Will apologise full-heartedly when they overstep the mark.
Have the capacity to be genuinely accountable.
Have no requirement to seek and carry out revenge in order to feel better.
Realize that there is no upside to the goal of creating and experiencing a satisfying relationship by purposefully destroying the other person.
Want a satisfying, loving, safe and healthy relationship.
Have the ability to ask for what they need honestly, healthily and directly.
anyhow, I'm gonna go veg with a documentary or something... my life is so surreal
"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
WH is katumus and I am not reading his posts but we talk a lot and working on listening better!
married 17 years