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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He's taking one of the kids camping but won't share where/when?
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Separated for 4 months now and no separation agreement yet. (even my lawyer is getting frustrated with him.) So we don't have anything formal in place in dealing with the kids.
He asked to take DS13 camping a few weeks ago - he already spoke to DS13 about the trip so I would have been the bad guy to say no. They are also going with one of DS13s friends and his dad and sister.

When he first asked I said that was fine but I needed an itinerary - where they are going, what time he will be picked up and dropped off, what (if anything different) he would need to pack. I also asked him if he needed any equipment to let me know and I would pull it out of the basement. I just wanted to make sure I got it back as we were trying to organize our own trip.

Well - since then, nothing. I sent him another email yesterday repeating that I needed an itinerary etc. They leave sometime on Tuesday and I'm getting really pissed that he thinks he can just ignore me. I saw the friends yesterday evening and asked him for details - which he shared and even followed up with a map etc so I know what their plan is.

Without a formal custody arrangement I don't know what options I have? If I say no now I'm the bitch that cancelled the camp trip. If I do nothing he'll just do this over and over again. My L is on vacation for the next week so I can't even call on her for advice but this is ticking me off!!


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2014
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and this isn't his typical "time" with the kids. He usually visits on Tuesday evenings and has them EOW but this is into my usual time with them.

DS16 was invited but isn't interested.


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2014
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you're in a tough spot there. Technically without a custody agreement, you both can just take your kids wherever you both feel like, even to another country. Gee I think your x is really going out of his way to irritate you and make it difficult for you. I mean what would it hurt him to let you know. A mother needs to know where here children are. I get my daughter a cell phone so I can call her. But you know, being 9 yrs old, guess what? She never picks it up.

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad for you that you were able to get the info from a friend.
That is so frustrating
As for spouses being able to take kids into another country that has border passing, I don't think it is possible.
Years ago when my H was taking our son for a trip to the States(from Canada), he had to get a paper signed by a notary with my permission letting him take our son out of the country. We were still "happily married"


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3133 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right, you want to set it out to him now that this will not happen in the future.

Here's how I would handle it, in an email today or tomorrow, before they go:

I requested information on where you were planning on going camping, which you seem to be ignoring. This is a normal request when parents are divorced and taking the kids away for a vacation.

I have spoken to <neighbour/friend>, and do have the information I require for this trip. As their mother, I have a right to know where you will be taking the children on any overnight trips. In the future, if you refuse my requests, any trips unfortunately will have to be cancelled."

Maybe someone else here will be able to fix the wording more, but I would make it clear you are letting this trip happen because you got the information from someone other than him, and in the future he must give the information required. Make sure it is in your D papers.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5584 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'll send him a follow-up email tomorrow. I definitely need to put my foot down. Anytime I ask for anything he ignores me and then has a mantrum with "I don't like anyone telling me what to do". Well tough shit!!

It'll be short and to the point - I like the wording you have here devistatedmom.


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2014
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that I'd let it go -- THIS time. You got the information......
But I think it would make me light a fire under my L's ass to get the agreement done - NOW.
You have documentation that you asked for the information and that he didn't provide it. So you have actual *proof* and everyone will understand why your agreement is going to include very specific language regarding travel/vacation plans (which is pretty standard anyway), kwim? Bringing it up with your stbx is going to do nothing except get you some additional brain damage.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's how I would handle it, in an email today or tomorrow, before they go:

I requested information on where you were planning on going camping, which you seem to be ignoring. This is a normal request when parents are divorced and taking the kids away for a vacation.

I have spoken to <neighbour/friend>, and do have the information I require for this trip. As their mother, I have a right to know where you will be taking the children on any overnight trips. In the future, if you refuse my requests, any trips unfortunately will have to be cancelled."

Perfection.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6682 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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