Topic: Crying in public places...again...
Member # 40306
| Posted: 9:44 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014|
Damn if I didn't see a friend of WH's in the grocery today that I hadn't seen in a really long time. He shouted a greeting and came over and hugged me and I started bawling.
Right there in the middle of the store.
Friend had no clue we were getting divorced or any of the other shit that has gone on.
There is a yearly event coming up that I normally would have seen him and some other friends at that I'm not going to get to be a part of this year. (We hosted it at our house, but it was WH's deal...)
I just hate that I had so I little control over my emotions. I can't fall to pieces every time I see someone that used to be part of our life that is now only part of WH's life.
Then I started missing my inlaws, and my SIL texted me today for something minute....
...just a hard day today, I guess...
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.
Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40173
| Posted: 9:53 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014|
Our ddays are basically the same. It is still hard a year out. Don't beat yourself up over it. Feel the emotion you need to feel when you feel it. There are no shoulds and coulds in this thing.
Hang in there.
Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S
Posts: 776 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 42092
| Posted: 11:11 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014|
I sat on the pavement tonight crying, on the street. So....you aren't alone!
Sit. Feast on your life.
Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 38122
| Posted: 11:38 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014|
Dude, you mean public crying isn't an Olympic sport yet. I did it all over the city in my first year after DDay.
Nowadays, I look down on people who DON'T cry in public. What'n hell is wrong with them anyhow? They just can't be trusted.
Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 34533
| Posted: 11:39 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014|
And I just stopped crying after an hour of it. And I'm 2.8 years out. Couldn't stop, so I just let it go.
All I can say is you are not alone and this shit is painful.
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 43871
| Posted: 12:10 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.
Posts: 131 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
Member # 34543
| Posted: 12:17 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
A few weeks ago - a few yards from my house so my kids wouldn't see, sitting under a tree sobbing. And I am way far out! But that was a rare moment. It gets better...I hadn't felt that bad in a long time.
D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12
Posts: 538 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Member # 39362
| Posted: 3:40 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
I still get triggered and teary when I see people from "our" old life, too. I think it's a natural part of the grieving and healing process.
There is always a rainbow after every storm.
Posts: 415 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Member # 6210
| Posted: 4:10 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
Man, triggers are sometimes so random and brutal.
They're out of our control, but it sure does suck when we fall apart in front of another person like that.
Perhaps it was his expression of care that set you off. After the horrific treatment from your wh, the unexpected kindness of another human, connected to both you and wh, touched a deep part of you that needs love and compassion.
Me: Tired BS.
(I frequently edit for typos)
Posts: 290 | Registered: Jan 2005
Member # 25204
| Posted: 8:56 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
WH has many friends that I truly liked. I am trying to avoid going to places that I know that I may possibly run into any one of them. Even simply driving down a street one day, someone saw me, tooted their horn, waved and pulled over. I couldn't not stop and pull over myself...I'm not that rude. So, I try to avoid that too now.
I think that's why I'm still so sad, losing all of his friends/family too.
Such a difficult time and unfortunate that many of us have this in common.
Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14
Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!
Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
Member # 39169
| Posted: 11:46 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
Raising hand here....yeah I've cried everywhere and in front of everyone. I had a rather gut wrenching trigger yesterday that took my breath away. It's normal, and it's ok. Why wouldn't we lose it from time to time? We suffered a huge trauma and a devastating loss. Hugs, and I hope today is better.
40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller
Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38378
| Posted: 12:02 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
Oh yes, I won't forget soon the people who stared at me as I went along life's errands and chores with tears streaming down my face and a wet shirt at times. Or car-crying and the people who stared at me at lights and stop signs.
It is what it is, Nekorb...and it goes away. FWIW, I've done the entire "journey" without pills and without vices like cigaretts or alcohol and though the sadness is still there, the tears are gone...I've no more left.
And with myself I made a pact one day...I will not shed one more tear for the human race, even if it makes me seem cold hearted.
One thing that helped me with re to IL's is to decide what part in my life they will be. At times I miss them, but they're not always the kindest people...so I shut them off for a while and isolated myself. It helps but takes more adjustment in our thinking and a stubborn will to do.
I had to almost shake myself one day to begin to rid myself of thoughts of the past but now my brain is stronger when I'm not tired and I can shut it on and off.
I had one of those episodes too, of seeing a friend who is the exH of a neice. He actually picked me up off the floor like I weigh nothing and just hugged me for a little while, no words, for he had been through it too.
Emotions can be controlled without pills or vices, but we have to reach really far within ourselves. It is self preservation and it will come. Each of these cycles is like a step. I don't think it happens all at once. You'll just notice, as a friend told me, that you cried less and less each day or a thought that once bugged you doesn't so much.
You know what? I will share these words from a British priest who is also a friend.
He said this to me about crying: "It is not bad to cry, it is release."
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 12:02 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 43304
| Posted: 12:09 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014|
So sorry (nekorb). I still cry at the drop of a hat too. I understand where you are coming from. It's painful. It sucks running into our x. Especially if they're with the OP.
Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
Member # 44261
| Posted: 7:22 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014|
Oh I understand this all too well. It only takes something small to get me in tears. A song, something he left here when he moved out. Shoot I can't even go down to the basement (his mans cave) without tearing up. So many memories...
Take the time to grieve. You will feel much better and it is healthy to get it all out.
We are here for you.
Married since 1994
“You two deserve each other, and I deserve better” ~Me
Posts: 78 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Jersey
Member # 43241
| Posted: 7:28 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014|
I had two days in a row without tears, but they came back with some new discoveries and dealings. I don't think we would be human and caring people we are without feeling the pain and crying because of it.
I can't wait to see old WH friends - tell them my side of the story - wasn't given a chance - he checked out before I even knew it - I hate that they must think our marriage has been terrible for years but it wasn't.
Tomorrow you will be moving forward again because you have crossed another milestone -
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
17yrs married, 23yrs together
Two kids 13, 11
Posts: 201 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 42890
| Posted: 7:29 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014|
Barely a day I don't cry randomly, and in public. Most times I am able to hold it back, like when in line at a store, and I see a little girl with her daddy, or a couple buying baby clothes.
I feel for you. I am fortunate that I now live a few cities away, and don't run into people. My heart goes out to you. That has to be tough.
Don't get on yourself for breaking down and crying, especially when reminded about everything you lost.
Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.
Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Member # 27275
| Posted: 7:55 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014|
I am amazed I haven't gotten into a car accident because I wouldd just start crying. Have had to pull over a few times.
I am 4 1/2 years from d-day.
But I can say it is less often with the crying episodes. I feel hardened now a bit
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.
Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 13937
| Posted: 7:58 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014|
You mean to say I am not alone I this? With the kids out for summer I don't get a lot of down time. So every now and then the bad stuff leaks out of my eyes when I am alone, regardless of whether or not I'm in public.
What are you pretending not to know?
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
|Topic Posts: 18|