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Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: All my fault
twicefooled
♀ New Member
Member # 42976
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is what my unremorseful stbxWH keeps trying to convince me of. Thanks to sites like SI, I can hold my head up and know that none of it was actually my fault.

Was married for almost 11yrs, together for 16. Never, ever suspected him of having an affair all those years.

Dday 1 - Ex abruptly left the house, saying he found a roommate. We had discussions about seperating but didn't really make an effort on, wasn't sure if I was going to pull the plug on our marriage or not (really long story). I noticed he didn't take any bedding with him. Since I didn't want him involved with my life, I did him a courtesy not to ask where he went. He came over to the house to watch the kids when I worked. Turns out 'roommate' was actually a girlfriend. When I confronted him about it, he blamed me for being blindsided since I didn't ask if roommate was a girlfriend

As expected, their relationship died out. He came home begging for another chance. Since I had been on the fence before he moved out, I felt I could give it another shot.

Dday 2 - My gut was telling me something was up. He left his facebook open on my computer one night. I found at least 6 conversations between him and other women with him soliciting sex from them and asking for body shots. I flipped out and told him to leave. He said it was my own fault I found it (snooping). The first conversation with him and another woman happened the same week he moved back home last year.

Oh, and of course it's my fault he cheated. I wasn't a perfect wife and he had needs. Didn't make him feel like a man. So yep, all my fault.

I can laugh now, which is a refreshing change from a few months back. He's now moved onto to "I will win you back no matter what!" phase but I'm not going down that route again.

I gave him the gift of R last time and he shit all over it. My love is worth more than that. I can now take my time and energy and pour that into myself and my children.

Thank you SI for making me see the light. He's broken and doesn't want to fix it. I'm moving onto the New Normal for me. Sweet freedom.


BS 37
WH 40
Together 16yrs married for 11yrs with 2 children
Dday 1 5/5/13
Reconciled
Dday 2 3/27/14
On the road to divorce?

Posts: 28 | Registered: Apr 2014
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like the biggest sigh of relief ever, eh?

Like, holy shit. Everything he said was bullshit! And damn, now that I think about it, he's a complete fucking moron!


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2249 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
twicefooled
♀ New Member
Member # 42976
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep!

But he is also convinced he can win me back.

Kids are going to my sisters house for the week (an hour away). When ex found out this morning, he texted me asking me if this means I can hang out with him? Then when I said no, he is trying to make me feel bad for being selfish? I just blackholed that last text. Projection much????


BS 37
WH 40
Together 16yrs married for 11yrs with 2 children
Dday 1 5/5/13
Reconciled
Dday 2 3/27/14
On the road to divorce?

Posts: 28 | Registered: Apr 2014
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also totally at fault for "all that drama" after I "stalked her by breaking into her email". Still trying to come to grips with what a bad person I am that I drove this perfect woman to such acts of depravity with every man she met.

Maybe we should start a support group to fix all these nasty faults, then we'll actually deserve to have them come back to us?

God, waywards are imbeciles!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1986 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I love the "a man has needs" line. He is a fucking idiot. I'm so glad you can see that now. He sounds slow and simple.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1762 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((twicefooled))))

Go you! Ah, the backbone. Beautiful when it settles into its rightful place.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
twicefooled
♀ New Member
Member # 42976
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love how they try to have a moral high ground. Mine tried the "i am sorry I cheated, but if you were sexier/happier/more spontaneous I wouldnt have had to"

Like I told him, I was in the same shitty marriage as he was and I managed to stay faithful.


BS 37
WH 40
Together 16yrs married for 11yrs with 2 children
Dday 1 5/5/13
Reconciled
Dday 2 3/27/14
On the road to divorce?

Posts: 28 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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