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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Benefits to Legal Separation???
hopefulfourus
♀ Member
Member # 25204
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My h was served D papers last week. We have had a few talks since then, the latest this morning.

He would like us to legally separate instead of D. I get that it would benefit him as he has no medical insurance, and I feel bad that would leave him high and dry.

He also wants us to figure things out on our own. Basically, without attorneys, who he says will be creating a lot of debt. He wants us to discuss the basics regarding the house, monthly payments, the kids.

Has anyone ever done this successfully?? I don't know all the ins/outs, but if we could save some money, why not?? If we go this route, can the final things just be submitted to the attorney and then file for D??

There's so much to think about. He is actually being very calm about this. I am just wondering if he is covering the fact that he is nervous about the content of his safe deposit box.


Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14

Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!


Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He would like us to legally separate instead of D. I get that it would benefit him as he has no medical insurance, and I feel bad that would leave him high and dry.

There are a few benefits, specifically having to do with insurance and inheritance. However, with the affordable care act I see no reason why he can't get his own health insurance.

Basically, without attorneys, who he says will be creating a lot of debt. He wants us to discuss the basics regarding the house, monthly payments, the kids.

The two of you can work out a deal, but still consult with an attorney about what you're entitled toa nd your rights are. I would also recommend using an attorney for completing the paperwork. My ex and I did this (in a volatile divorce) and it cost about $2K.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
kra127
Member
Member # 41045
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if you want to use an attorney only for the legal paperwork, I would highly recommend going in for a consultation so you know what you're entitled to and get your questions answered. I guarantee unless you have a legal background, the attorney will think of things that you may never have considered. If you think he's covering up or hiding some assets, an attorney would be a wise investment.


Me 40
WS 39
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
OW 22, admitted to EA and then TT to PA two weeks later. Also, found out about several "friends".
Dday 10/8/13
Divorcing

Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2013
StrongAndCapable
♀ New Member
Member # 44279
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a thread going in the general section a month or so ago regarding this same topic. The majority of the responders recommended consulting with an attorney so you know what your rights are and what you are legally entitled to. I personally feel that mediation is not an option when there are children involved. It's more for people who are respectfully ending their marriage. The waywards lost their opportunity for a respectful divorce when they decided to have an affair. If you don't agree in mediation then you have to get an attorney anyway, and then you've spent money on mediation and the attorney. Why not invest the money in great legal representation to secure the well being of your and your children's future?


BS - me, 37
WH- him, 38
DS - almost 5
DDay - mid April
7 month EA, long distance
3x PA
Continuing long distance A
Moving toward D

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jul 2014
brokenblackbird
♀ Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has his own business and you say he is secretive. For this reason and a thousand more (he is a lying cheater) you need a lawyer. You've already seen one and had papers drawn up (a few years ago) correct?

You wouldn't be leaving him "high and dry" without health insurance. There is the A.C.A. He can get insurance for himself. The most likely scenario is that he doesn't want to pay child support, or his share of child support and child expenses (they seldom ever want to). Somehow they think we'll all just believe them now, after all the lies they told, that the legal system isn't right for our particular situation. IT IS! Use it.

You can still mediate. You can still do a legal separation. You can still work things out between you. But always have a lawyer on your side. You'll be amazed how quickly his nice guy act changes when real numbers get plugged in.


Posts: 839 | Registered: Sep 2010
Topic Posts: 5

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