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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Thinking clearly.....ty SI
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy to have found SI. I wish I had found it years ago. It just tells it as it is, no BS. You canít bluff yourself or try to make believe on here. I read all the posts and I recognise so much in the posts about the wayward attitude. That is him. Full Stop. He has always been like that and I tried to convince myself that he had changed (well, he convinced me he had changed but that's another story).

I realise that he will NEVER change. He doesnít have the capacity to change. Far too much has happened and not one bit of remorse from him. He thought he could come back to me and I would be that stupid little girl he met, doing everything to please him and make him happy. Well I didnít, I wanted my needs to be met and for our relationship to be on a different level this time. He just didnít get it and he failed miserably. Well fuck him. Really, fuck him. I will never forgive him for this. He should have tried harder, got some help and actually showed me that he meant what he said. Instead, I got this miserable, fucked up arse who wanted maximum respect and love for minimum effort and who didnít even want sex. What a joke. Him Ė not wanting sex? Give me a fucking break.

It was easier for him to start up something new than it was to stay and attempt to sort out our relationship. Well, to be fair, she doesn't know him so has no idea of how broken he is...yet. It will come out in time, always does.

No, I have been racking my brain, trying to find a way I can actually take some of the blame for our shitty relationship and the only thing I should have done was confronted our issues more forcefully. Probably would have had him out of the door sooner but at least it would have been more honest.

I also realise that he has not attempted to respond to any of my texts about our relationship, all I get is I,I,I or nothing at all. Selfish pig. What that is, is disrespectful and rude. He doesnít feel like he owes me any kind of explanation or anything really. Well, actually, he doesnít, not anymore. Today is 6 months since he left and I have wasted my life on this man. Not.One.Day.Longer.

I have my first IC session today and I am going to take my first steps outta this. Wish me luck

[This message edited by AmSoDone at 6:25 PM, August 4th (Monday)]


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ASD)))

You go, girl. Glad to hear you're finding your way.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 788 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
bravegirl19
♀ New Member
Member # 43539
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! Your "doneness" and assertive attitude is contagious! I found myself saying "YEAH!" many times while reading your post. Good for you!

I can relate to soooo much of what you said. They will NEVER change and we reach a point where we don't even want to bother trying anymore because we know from experience what the outcome will be and we deserve more.

As sad and scary as divorce is, it is way better than the alternative - staying married to a selfish, narcissistic, cheating, lying asshole.

You have our support, and know that your post has pepped me up and inspired me! :)


Me (BS) Ė 36
WS Ė 35
Dday Ė 5/25/14
Together since 2003, married 6 1/2 years
EA and PA with COW for at least 3 months WHILE I WAS PREGNANT (still donít know the truth of the length of this affair or possibly others)
He doesnít want to be married

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2014
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realise that he will NEVER change. He doesnít have the capacity to change. Far too much has happened and not one bit of remorse from him.

I love SI for this too. It has helped me see through her manipulation and how she's used my love for her to hold so many lies over me.

I am glad you are finding clarity


Don't kick me when I am down. Because when I get back up, you're f*cked.

Posts: 406 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: justme1264
Acer0112
♀ Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome Post - So glad to hear that you are moving forward!! It's these milestones that make us stronger.

I'm quoting this too:

It was easier for him to start up something new than it was to stay and attempt to sort out our relationship.

Perfectly said - Same here - WH gave us 4-5 weeks before saying MC isn't working - IC told him to go with his gut - which was run as fast you can I guess.

I got some explanations in the beginning, but now it must be too guilt ridden for WH to talk about anything, so he just puts a stop to it and says maybe in the future we can discuss what really happened to our marriage. Whatever - I lived it - I know.


D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
17yrs married, 23yrs together
Two kids 13, 11
Divorced 10/2014

Posts: 201 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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