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User Topic: "if you contact the OP and the spouse then we are through"
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's forget the OM BS, why is she against you contacting the OM. You have every right to talk to the SOB if you want to.

Have you asked you why she is so against you contacting the OM. Did she ever send any kind of NC letter to her OM?

Is your wife afraid the OMs wife is going to kill her?


Posts: 4268 | Registered: Jun 2002
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"if you contact the OP and the spouse then we are through"

Comments? Sure!!

#BYEFELICIA!

Don't let the doorknob hit ya where the good Lord split ya!


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6022 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took me roughly 9 weeks to stop trying to cover my own ass. But even at that point I was not making demands or threats against my BS.

if you are around that time frame, I would talk to a lawyer, have your papers ready. and then do what you feel is right. talk to your WS afterward informing her of what you did. when she blows up. you will have your papers ready. I would imagine that if she was going to have a "OMG WTF have I done moment" that would be it. If not it sounds like 180 time. JMHO


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women


Posts: 830 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Midwest
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doc

Unfortunately it looks like your wife went ahead and created the open marriage she asked for. We knew you had not stopped it back when you first posted and she was staying at one of your parents condo.
And now it looks like she is demanding you let her continue having her affair or is threatening you. She does not want you to tell because the aOBS may blow up her little party.
You know what you have to do. You told her you would not accept her open marriage proposal and she said the hell with you I am going to bang him anyway while you work 60 hours a week to support her.
You are too smart a man to put up with this shit
You need to have your attorney show her the door.


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Toronto Guy. I haven't read all the responses, but hopefully they are filled with reminders to you that this is UNREMORSEFUL wayward behavior.

And just to share a bit of my story, the BH fucking knew about the affair over a year before I did, and I must say I am PISSED he never told me. On my D-Day, their divorce was only weeks away from being final.

I DESERVED TO FUCKING KNOW.

As a BS and an OBS, PLEASE, TELL THE OTHER BETRAYED SPOUSE.

Fuck those lying cheaters. YOU are not a manipulative piece of shit like them. YOU should not be forced to lie and keep secrets. That's their specialty. And I get really sick of waywards trying to force betrayeds to be as low-down sneaky as they are..

Be better than them. Please, do the right thing here. He deserves to know. We ALL deserved to know. Anybody that kept my ex's affair a secret from me WAS AN ACCOMPLICE. Don't be an accomplice. Stand up tall and do the right thing.

You will start learning that waywards need their actions to have CONSEQUENCES. Otherwise, they never learn, change or heal.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2630 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toronto guy:

Please, tell the OM, he has a right to know.

There were people who knew of my husband's affair and did not tell me. I wish they had. I am angry that they did not.

It's this little conspiracy of silence, this weird code that everyone abides by, that enables affairs to flourish.

Going forward, If I know of an affair, or know of extremely suspicious behaviors, I will tell the faithful spouse, ASAP.

When people engaged in cheating, they know that being outed is a possibility.


“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you are ok.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2347 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
TorontoGuy
♂ New Member
Member # 44195
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,,

Thanks for all the useful replies and information.

I also now realize that I should have replied thanking people for their responses to my other posts.

Sorry I did not do so. I have not belonged to any forums before this and I am still learning the forum etiquette.

Thanks


Me- BS 44
Her- WS 48
D-day- EA (May 11, 2014- "Mother's Day")/ PA Jun 27, 2014
2 DD's (13 and 16)

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Toronto
pjkmkjm23
♂ Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi TorontoGuy,

I also now realize that I should have replied thanking people for their responses to my other posts.

I don't think anyone was necessarily looking for a 'thank-you' (but of course they're always welcome ) but instead were looking for more info if you are comfortable sharing. Many of us are well down the road you've begun and although there are many variations, it's amazing how much is similar as well. It's almost as if anyone that decides to have an A is handed a Cheater's Handbook which they follow step by step!

The more details you share, the better advice you are likely to receive. Of course you can just use this forum to vent too if that's all you want (Many know I did early on!). I think the unofficial motto here is 'take what you need and leave the rest'.

Good luck to you sir.


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. I wasn't looking for a thank you. Just wondering how things are with you a d your ww. What has go e on since you posted. Just hope you are ok in that way.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2347 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Appreciation is always appreciated but that‘s not why I made the comment about responses…
The key issue is that the more we know the better we can advise. And the better we see how you respond to the advice the better we can tailor it to your situation.

We don’t need details that might risk your confidentiality. We don’t want names or locations or anything of that sort. It’s simply that there are several paths you can take and numerous questions you probably have about the pros and cons. Once we see what path you select the advice can be tailored to be optimized for that situation.

So… Separation agreement? Have you exposed?


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5566 | Registered: Sep 2005
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quite frankly this comment means that you are through anyway.

What norabird said.

I'm sorry.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Telling you this definately is a red flag that he still is trying to "protect" the OP. You didn't do this. Your husband did and she did. She's as guilty as he is, therefore there is nothing to protect.

I wanted to contact the other spouse about something at one point and my husband pitched a fit. Now I know it was because the affair, while I thought it was over, went underground and my husband was afraid the OP's husband would tell me that. RED FLAG but I didn't know it. I wasn't educated on the in's and out's of affairs at that point to recognize it.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 284 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 53
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