Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Everythingsucks1 (45359)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sickened!!
soccermom9
♀ Member
Member # 43805
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 19 year old daughter has admitted to me during this terrible time that my WH (her stepdad) had made her feel uncomfortable. I tried to drill into it more and she said no touch just looks and coming into her room to ask goofy questions. I confronted WH and he says he had inappropriate thoughts and nothing more. I just want to puke and have soooo much anger!! How do I deal with this in addition to the admission of infediltity!


Me: 44
WH: 43
Dday: 6-20-14
He admitted to drunken sex at massage parlor!
Attempting reconciliation

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Kentucky
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get that pervert out of your home, for your kids and your sake. That's disgusting.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. That's unimaginable. Both for you and her. But it speaks volumes to your relationship with your daughter that she was able to tell you this. Are you/she/he all in counseling? Are you comfortable with the three of you living under one roof?


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 581 | Registered: May 2014
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This information would sicken me as well.

If I had a daughter, there's no way in hell I'd continue to live with someone who had inappropriate thoughts, behaviors. My first obligation is to protet my child. No way would I allow him to be alone with her...ever.

I am so sorry, I don't know what to say, but I'd be placing his shit in Hefty bags right about now. He has some serious issues that need to be addressed.



Posts: 7593 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
caspers1wish
♀ Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is called covert sexual abuse.

I would get him out of your home, that's totally unacceptable.

It was very brave of your daughter to tell you.

Do not do as my mother did by rewarding my honesty by doing nothing and letting the abuse escalate.

Hugs and support.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 778 | Registered: Jun 2010
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This would call off reconciliation for me.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 8:29 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
soccermom9
♀ Member
Member # 43805
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! She is at college and not under the roof thankfully. We are all in counseling and we are in a large home and steering clear of each other for the time being!


Me: 44
WH: 43
Dday: 6-20-14
He admitted to drunken sex at massage parlor!
Attempting reconciliation

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Kentucky
SeeingRed
♀ New Member
Member # 43015
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't even have a choice now. Your daughter has told you of the abuse and he's admitted it, if you stay with him now your daughter will think you chose him over her forever.
I'm sorry.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2014
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to get him out of your life as quickly as possible. What a sick fuck.

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
lovesobroken
♀ Member
Member # 43588
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's sickening. I'd definitely call it quits.

Posts: 239 | Registered: May 2014
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm really sorry soccermom9. What a huge amount to process!

The thing is, he said it "was just inappropriate thoughts and nothing more". Not really. He actually has gone further by going into her room, and also by his "looks" (and body language obviously if your daughter noticed) toward your daughter, and him asking "goofy questions" to her.

I'd say it was going farther than "thoughts".



Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2011
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't have condoned it (none of us would) but he didn't even try to lie, minimize or anything?? Just blurted out that he has inappropriate thoughts of your daughter???After she told you he creeped her out?? You can't get much more of a heads up than that. Now it's your job to act on it. Even is she is away at college. That's not the point. That's bold and brazen. If not her, he'll move on to someone else (if he already hasn't). That's some sick stuff right there. I might even consider documenting this by way of some official report. I wouldn't want this on me knowing what he is capable of and not doing anything about it only to find out there future victims.

Posts: 319 | Registered: Jul 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has to go, not just for your DD's sake but for your own as well. I don't know how you could possibly reconcile with him knowing that he had ever allowed himself to be sexually stimulated by your DD so much that he actually went into her room. Well, at least that would do it for me, that's for sure. I would kick him out of the house immediately.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SpecialK
♀ Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obviously you aren't sickened enough to boot his sorry butt out! So what if she is currently in school and "out of the house" what you are saying by staying with this pervert is, you place him above her, and you are okay with it. How will you have a viable relationship with her from this point on? She will probably never come home again, and who would blame her?

What are you going to do if you have grandchildren, friends with young daughters etc.... Lock him up? Really, do you want to live with someone like this?
Yuck!!!!


Posts: 311 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((soccermom)))))

I'm sorry, but I'm with the other posters. Buh-bye to your WH. DD is your flesh and blood and it is your duty to protect her - home or away. She trusted you to tell you what happened. Please act on it and do the right thing.

God, this is horrible. Kicking him out gets him away from your DD, but not from other unknowing victims. People like this don't just pick one child and stop.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a 20 year old daughter, who is away at college most of the time,and home with us on vacations. She was 16on dday.

Because WH was contacting girls in their early 20's on CL, I had to ask her if she had ever felt uncomfortable with him. She was adamant that he had never made her feel weird. I told her if there was ever a time that that changed, to tell me. I would leave him. No questions asked. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Your duty as a mother is to.protect your children. This pervert is having sexual thoughts about your child. His asking goofy questions is him flirting with her...your child.

This would be it for me. Absolutely unacceptable.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
soccermom9
♀ Member
Member # 43805
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are all right ! Talked to pastor and ending things asap!


Me: 44
WH: 43
Dday: 6-20-14
He admitted to drunken sex at massage parlor!
Attempting reconciliation

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Kentucky
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he says he had inappropriate thoughts and nothing more.

What a strange admission. Did he really think it was OK to admit to lustful thoughts concerning his stepdaughter?
He didn't have to make that statement, since he was not guilty of inappropriate behavior in any physical sense. He talked himself into the divorce court.

You will be well rid of this joke of a father; who apparently doesn't know the meaning of the phrase parental responsibility.


Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you took your daughter's story seriously and started investigating. When I was a (pre)teen there was a cousin that couldn't keep his hands off of me. I told my mom and told her again but she never really took action. Many years later I reminded her and she apologized and I am glad she did, but it would have been better if she had backed me at the time it happened.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry soccermom. Im going to.have to agree with the others...you.will have grandchildren one day in addition to the uncomfortable feelings your daughter has around him. If you don't mind my asking, at what age did he become her stepfather? I'm just heartsick for you...just shocking to find this out I'm sure.

I have to say this though. Know that you must be an incredible mom for your DD to feel comfortable telling you..

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:44 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.