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User Topic: Any suggestions on what I can do for me?
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to do something just for me today. Something to make myself look or feel better. I have been in such a slump. I have just laid on the bed all morning. I keep blinking away tears. I don't know what is wrong with me.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
OkNotOk
♀ New Member
Member # 44229
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take a long shower or bath?


I know how you feel. It's hard.


Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2014
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for a walk in a park or a hike.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just some things that come to mind...

If you're still in bed, you probably aren't getting enough nutrition, so make yourself some breakfast. Or call a friend to see if they are available for lunch.. Or drink a protein shake (I should be the new spokeswoman for Special K protein shakes, they saved my life).

If you have any spending money, I might go out for a while. I would get a mani/pedi, a new shirt, a new pair of shoes, a new something for the house that I have been needing, like new sheets or curtains or something..

If you don't have much money, clean up your space. I bet there's a drawer somewhere that hasn't been gone through in a while. A room that needs some straightening.. A part of the lawn that needs some weed pulling.. Just something to get you productive to feel like you accomplished something today. One foot in front of the other and all..

Or, just lay in bed and flip on Netflix. Try to find an old movie that you used to love or a new series that everyone has been telling you is good


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2336 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how about a matinee and popcorn...
I love the "indie" movies...
Wish I was Here and Land Ho look like safe movies to see!
of course "retail therapy" is another option...


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 627 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a big one for getting outside. Just go outside, even if it is to sit on your front step and cry.

Call a friend and go out to eat (outside seating). If you can't afford lunch, go out and split a salad and beverages.

But then, sometimes I think our hearts just need a good cry.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well you're wh is acting weird so I would imagine you are a little worried.

I'm big into pampering. Can you get your nails done or get a massage?

If money is tight, you could get dressed up and go window shopping. Pretend you're some well to do diva just passing the day away, browsing.

Maybe some place special to you that you could go to and just be still for a while?

I like to get a loaf of bread and go feed ducks. Don't know if that's possible for you.

I really like animals so maybe a zoo or something along those lines.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get up, take the kind of shower where you both wash your hair and shave your legs. Blow your hair out & put on makeup. If you don't want to spend the money on a mani/pedi, do your own. Then get out of the house. I always find going to water feels cleansing & refreshing- ocean, lake, river, even a good size pond. Bring a big bottle of lemon aid or iced tea, and a good book or your favorite magazine.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 585 | Registered: May 2014
RippedSoul
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fabulous suggestions! Others to add: playing your favorite music really loudly or taking on some cleaning project or both. There's something about scrubbing that exorcises my demons. Scrubbing to a great beat is even better.

Long term, why don't you shoot for something you've always wanted to do: learn to play the piano, take an Italian class (and plan a b-day trip to Venice or Milan in 2 years to "practice"), sign up for a cooking or auto mechanics course, enroll in an online class at Stanford or MIT. It doesn't matter what you choose as long as you're doing it for you, you'll feel pride in this new skill, your quality of life will improve . . .

Good luck! And hugs.


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
TheThreeYearFool
♀ Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took a "me day" this Sunday when WH left on a business trip. It helped me, so maybe some of the ideas will help you.

I got a manicure and rather than stare at the clock wondering how long it was going to take I just let myself indulge in it.

Then I strolled slowly around a shopping district with no particular plan and no intention of actually buying anything. I went to a deli I hadn't been to in years and ate big sandwich all by myself with a good view out the window as I quietly people watched.

Then I went across the street, got a coffee and a donut and people watched some more. I wasn't particularly hungry; it's just something I'd never done before.

The whole time I didn't let myself think about things I had to do. I just let myself be, outside of my house with all its reminders and outside of obligations.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 164 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get outside and do something for someone else. Take a neighbor flowers. Call a friend who is having a hard time and bring them lunch. Bake cookies and take to your church staff.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. This gives me ideas for today and many other days, which I need.

I forced (and it wasn't easy) myself to go to a water aerobic class. I took a long shower and now I'm going to do my hair, get made up, dress nicely and maybe go to lunch alone or go window shopping or go to the park. It feels nice when I'm doing something and I'm glad I did when I'm done but it's soooo hard to get off this bed when I'm so sad. Tomorrow I will try to do something else.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you did an AWESOME job of it today, million tears.

Sometimes when I have limited time or resources, I just play my music as loud as I can and dance like an idiot all around the house.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
sunny58
♀ Member
Member # 43645
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((million tears))))
Hope you are feeling a little better now


Divorce Final - 9/25/2014

"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."


Posts: 92 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Loud music! No weepy music, but empowering dance anthems or whatever floats your boat. I always forget how good it feels to play music.

and to get a few hugs so *(((((hugs)))))

Seriously, I have posted just asking for hugs and then reading the thread over and over and having a good snotty cry. Somehow, it feels better after.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SparrowSoul
♀ Member
Member # 44223
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been helping my best friend clean her indescribably filthy apartment lately... As somebody who uses cleaning as therapy, her place has been like my punching bag these past few days!!

So maybe, think of things you enjoy, and try to find some way to put a little spin on them-- Enough that they're familiar enough to be a comfort, but "new" enough to seem enticing and healthy.

And, hell, remember that sometimes it's okay just to hang out and be weepy for a little bit. Crying is literally your body ridding itself of excess stress hormones... Don't deny your own body the chance to do its job helping you to heal!

((()))


Me: BGF, 29
Him: WBF, 35 (RMarred)
D-Day: 7/5/2014, seared into my memory like a brand.

"Dum spiro, spero." - "While I breathe, I hope."
The cure to all of life's problems is salt water; Sweat, tears, or the Sea.


Posts: 131 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 16

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