On the bright side, congrats on your well-written post!
-Put the dinette set out on the front lawn with a big sign on it: "Free To A Loving Home." "Cheating Wife Screwed On It Only a Couple of Times".
-Make her sleep on the table while she must serve you breakfast and dinner in bed.
-Decoupage a picture of the two of them on that end of the table and make her eat there for a while. Maybe throw in a personalized place mat, napkins, and place settings while you eat off the the wedding gift china. Or, throw a dinner party and do this.
-Get her a case of 000 ultra fine sand paper and make her strip and refinish the table. When she is done then put it out on the front lawn with the sign.
I would get rid of the table by destroying or donating. But if u like it u could store it away for awhile to see if u want to use it later.
Oh and she stood in front of my kitchen sink so that cabinet was bashed in. Luckily we needed to remodel anyway.
[This message edited by whattheh at 5:13 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]
If I can't, I am certain that I lose the table, or even the house, before losing a remorseful wife that made some incredibly shitty choices.
BH (Me) 49
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
[This message edited by wontdefineme at 10:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]
Your answers were so enlightening too. But when I asked "why do WS do this?!?" I meant "why do WS lie about every stupid thing and then watch you go crazy for a year figuring everything out yourself and basically dashing all hope of reviving the relationship?!?"
And, though nobody answered directly, now I can see that one great reason is that WS is sure that BS is going to go ballistic and judge them as horrible people for the details of the affair. And maybe WS will judge themselves. And if WS is a horrible person, then who could love them? How could they love their self? How could the M go on?
Well, I love my WW. And she is not a horrible person. She is not. And back in HB I put WW on that very table myself. And we used it good. And then we cleaned up. I wish I knew at the time.
I hate everything A that happened. I hate what she did. But I can live with it. I can love with it. I can accept her. Her humanity. What angers me is not what she did, but what she's still doing, again and again: continuing to lie and minimize. I want to rebuild, but there's no hope of that when I cannot trust her. And so I wait until I can trust her. But this TT and lying just resets the trust clock to zero every time and damages the relationship so much.
I've told her so so many times that she's not protecting me, she's not protecting the relationship. She read ATA and "how to help...", but the whole concept is foreign to her. Her whole being tells her it's wrong to say hurtful things, even if they're true (her words after I begged for an explanation of how she still thinks she's protecting *me*). And I believe this of her. She is struggling too. She is working so so hard on this and other things, and she's come so far.
And tonight, she got it. She has prepared a letter with 100% truth about the A, all details she's lied about and hidden. And it's waiting for me. And I'm afraid to read it. She says it's horrible, and I believe her.
Growing - this is my first comment on someone else's topic. I'm new to all this as Dday was only 2 months ago and I don't think I have a lot of advice to offer, but something that I always say to myself is, it's better to know the truth no matter how much it hurts, because otherwise you are continuously living in a lie.
If anything, I hope her letter gives you peace of mind. It probably won't be easy reading it, but don't be scared. You are so strong and have gotten through so much already, you can do this. Hugs to you.
disrespecting your entire family by desecrating the very place they eat their meals and gather together - is about as low as a woman can sink. I'm embarrassed FOR her.
My H's AP had sex with him in her 10 year old son's bed. As a mom, I am not sure you can sink lower.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:01 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]
I edit, therefore I am.
But it's terrible and I'm sorry. I love furniture. Love decor but as soon as this divorce is over I am getting rid of every single goddamn thing I own. It's alllllll going away.
6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay
Well since my SAWH brought prostitutes to our house you can at least rejoice in the fact that your WW wasn't paying some dude to fuck her.
I will do no such rejoicing. AP was our long time nanny, and I paid him for many years. Cash too.
They also had sex in the parking lot of a restaurant I really liked. I will never eat there again. I am glad it was her car and not mine.
Me BS 40
3 Kids, 9, 4 and 1
I could have made my spouse sell the car, burned his clothes, his suitcase, damage/sell/trash gifts received from her, etc.
However, she stole from me. I was determined to not to give her NOT ONE BIT MORE. She couldn't 'have' my seat in the car. She couldn't 'have' any of MY husband's stuff. If I gave it away or wouldn't use it ... in my mind that was me 'giving' her more. NOPE. I even intentionally said/say her name (which is somewhat common) so that my heart won't stop every time I hear it or say it. And, I can actually SAY her name. No more power for her.
(Yes, he gave it away but it wasn't his to give.)
Even though I was (am?) mad at her little ho-ho Black Widow self ... he was the one who chose to cheat with her. But I certainly won't give her the satisfaction of thinking she ruined me or my life.
Failure to attempt is failure.
1 - shame. saying out loud or in writing is WAY different than living the exciting 'fantasy'
2 - the view. to look at you and SEE the devastation as they share with you the details of sexual scenarios that should have been only for you is painful and forces responsibility for that pain
3 - admission. to admit to self is as bad as admitting it to you
4 - exposure. the darkness shrinks from the light
5 - ending. wishing the pain would end and believing that knowing/hearing ALL of it would continue your collective pain as well as keep you from starting reconciling
Personally I didn't want to know. There is nothing that hurt more than knowing he shared such intimacy with someone else. It didn't matter if it was twice or two hundred times, where it happened or really even when ... I asked a few questions but no way did I want to know the details.
Some people do want to know the details and that is okay, too; no judgement here, for sure. But, if you haven't considered it ... think about it ... do you really need to know the details?
Have you considered burning the letter she wrote you without reading it?