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User Topic: Where's worse than in your own bed...
LydiaE
♀ Member
Member # 42571
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. That's horrible. I'm so sorry. I could never have been able to get past sex with OP in my home. It's just too puke-worthy and such a slap in the face.

On the bright side, congrats on your well-written post!


Posts: 103 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: SouthernUSA
RealityBlows
♂ Member
Member # 41108
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a few Ideas I'll throw out there:

-Put the dinette set out on the front lawn with a big sign on it: "Free To A Loving Home." "Cheating Wife Screwed On It Only a Couple of Times".

-Make her sleep on the table while she must serve you breakfast and dinner in bed.

-Decoupage a picture of the two of them on that end of the table and make her eat there for a while. Maybe throw in a personalized place mat, napkins, and place settings while you eat off the the wedding gift china. Or, throw a dinner party and do this.

-Get her a case of 000 ultra fine sand paper and make her strip and refinish the table. When she is done then put it out on the front lawn with the sign.


Posts: 83 | Registered: Oct 2013
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We burnt the bed couch bedding and any other stuff OW touched. I cut his favorite leather recliner and then patched with colorful duct tape cuz he sat in that chair perusing craigslist for a willing ho. We cover the chair now.

I would get rid of the table by destroying or donating. But if u like it u could store it away for awhile to see if u want to use it later.

Oh and she stood in front of my kitchen sink so that cabinet was bashed in. Luckily we needed to remodel anyway.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:13 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 590 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Didact
♂ Member
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like my table. I love my wife. While the "creative" suggestions could be seen as funny, I hope to keep both.

If I can't, I am certain that I lose the table, or even the house, before losing a remorseful wife that made some incredibly shitty choices.


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 256 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the most trouble with the hotel where we were married. It's in our hometown, so I feel the town was taken--our wedding memories sullied. Lots more is attached to it---but none is especially rational. Still- the hotel. And his response to my sadness that I can't even look at a wedding picture without imagining OW? A little laugh and, "sorry, Bets--I'm trying, but just don't see what the big deal is."


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9044 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashton Shepherd's Look it up video says it all.

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 10:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2181 | Registered: Mar 2011
growing
♂ New Member
Member # 43298
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much.
Thanks for my first real laughs in so long. I sat in my car and LOLed then smiled for at least a whole minute. Which is unprecedented in the car.

Your answers were so enlightening too. But when I asked "why do WS do this?!?" I meant "why do WS lie about every stupid thing and then watch you go crazy for a year figuring everything out yourself and basically dashing all hope of reviving the relationship?!?"
And, though nobody answered directly, now I can see that one great reason is that WS is sure that BS is going to go ballistic and judge them as horrible people for the details of the affair. And maybe WS will judge themselves. And if WS is a horrible person, then who could love them? How could they love their self? How could the M go on?
Well, I love my WW. And she is not a horrible person. She is not. And back in HB I put WW on that very table myself. And we used it good. And then we cleaned up. I wish I knew at the time.
I hate everything A that happened. I hate what she did. But I can live with it. I can love with it. I can accept her. Her humanity. What angers me is not what she did, but what she's still doing, again and again: continuing to lie and minimize. I want to rebuild, but there's no hope of that when I cannot trust her. And so I wait until I can trust her. But this TT and lying just resets the trust clock to zero every time and damages the relationship so much.
I've told her so so many times that she's not protecting me, she's not protecting the relationship. She read ATA and "how to help...", but the whole concept is foreign to her. Her whole being tells her it's wrong to say hurtful things, even if they're true (her words after I begged for an explanation of how she still thinks she's protecting *me*). And I believe this of her. She is struggling too. She is working so so hard on this and other things, and she's come so far.
And tonight, she got it. She has prepared a letter with 100% truth about the A, all details she's lied about and hidden. And it's waiting for me. And I'm afraid to read it. She says it's horrible, and I believe her.


Me: BH 40ish
Her: WW 35ish
Married 13 years
DD 3, DS 7
EA/PA: 1yr/6mo
DDay: 11/1/2013
TT: 8/12/14, more on the way?
FB NC breach: 8/15/14
2xIC
MC on hold because he was worse than nothing. Maybe we'll find an infidelity specialist.

Posts: 21 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Northeast USA
SoLostStillNumb
♀ Member
Member # 44248
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got such a kick out of reading everyone's ideas of what to do with that table!

Growing - this is my first comment on someone else's topic. I'm new to all this as Dday was only 2 months ago and I don't think I have a lot of advice to offer, but something that I always say to myself is, it's better to know the truth no matter how much it hurts, because otherwise you are continuously living in a lie.

If anything, I hope her letter gives you peace of mind. It probably won't be easy reading it, but don't be scared. You are so strong and have gotten through so much already, you can do this. Hugs to you.


Me: BS 26 Him: WH 27
Married: 5 years, together 7. No kids.
DDay: 6/3/14 and TT till 9/5/14
Separated, headed for divorce
Trying to accept this nightmare is real every morning.
Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: VA
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

disrespecting your entire family by desecrating the very place they eat their meals and gather together - is about as low as a woman can sink. I'm embarrassed FOR her.

My H's AP had sex with him in her 10 year old son's bed. As a mom, I am not sure you can sink lower.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:01 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
determinata
Member
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well since my SAWH brought prostitutes to our house you can at least rejoice in the fact that your WW wasn't paying some dude to fuck her.

But it's terrible and I'm sorry. I love furniture. Love decor but as soon as this divorce is over I am getting rid of every single goddamn thing I own. It's alllllll going away.


M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay


Posts: 288 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
growing
♂ New Member
Member # 43298
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

determinata
Well since my SAWH brought prostitutes to our house you can at least rejoice in the fact that your WW wasn't paying some dude to fuck her.

I will do no such rejoicing. AP was our long time nanny, and I paid him for many years. Cash too.


Me: BH 40ish
Her: WW 35ish
Married 13 years
DD 3, DS 7
EA/PA: 1yr/6mo
DDay: 11/1/2013
TT: 8/12/14, more on the way?
FB NC breach: 8/15/14
2xIC
MC on hold because he was worse than nothing. Maybe we'll find an infidelity specialist.

Posts: 21 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Northeast USA
inmisery1
♀ Member
Member # 30905
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband f***ed OW in the church parking lot after church in MY car.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Jan 2011
BlueinStLou
♀ Member
Member # 44416
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found texts from the OW to my WH bragging about having her "sweaty cum covered hands gripping" my bed rails. Can't afford a new bed now. Was very tempted to take the bedding and set fire to it on OW front lawn.

They also had sex in the parking lot of a restaurant I really liked. I will never eat there again. I am glad it was her car and not mine.


DDay1 3/26/2014
DDay2 4/15/2014
DDay 3 7/15/2014
DDay 4 8/15/2014

Me BS 40
WH 39

3 Kids, 9, 4 and 1


Posts: 186 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: St Louis MO
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a very different viewpoint here ... although I LOVE so many of the ideas here! (Pentup ... you definitely win the Gold Medal on this thread!)

I could have made my spouse sell the car, burned his clothes, his suitcase, damage/sell/trash gifts received from her, etc.

However, she stole from me. I was determined to not to give her NOT ONE BIT MORE. She couldn't 'have' my seat in the car. She couldn't 'have' any of MY husband's stuff. If I gave it away or wouldn't use it ... in my mind that was me 'giving' her more. NOPE. I even intentionally said/say her name (which is somewhat common) so that my heart won't stop every time I hear it or say it. And, I can actually SAY her name. No more power for her.

(Yes, he gave it away but it wasn't his to give.)

Even though I was (am?) mad at her little ho-ho Black Widow self ... he was the one who chose to cheat with her. But I certainly won't give her the satisfaction of thinking she ruined me or my life.


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2011
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reasons why the WS doesn't want to 'come clean' and tell you 100% everything:

1 - shame. saying out loud or in writing is WAY different than living the exciting 'fantasy'

2 - the view. to look at you and SEE the devastation as they share with you the details of sexual scenarios that should have been only for you is painful and forces responsibility for that pain

3 - admission. to admit to self is as bad as admitting it to you

4 - exposure. the darkness shrinks from the light

5 - ending. wishing the pain would end and believing that knowing/hearing ALL of it would continue your collective pain as well as keep you from starting reconciling

Personally I didn't want to know. There is nothing that hurt more than knowing he shared such intimacy with someone else. It didn't matter if it was twice or two hundred times, where it happened or really even when ... I asked a few questions but no way did I want to know the details.

Some people do want to know the details and that is okay, too; no judgement here, for sure. But, if you haven't considered it ... think about it ... do you really need to know the details?

Have you considered burning the letter she wrote you without reading it?


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 35
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