Been a while since I've been here. I'm just over 5 years from DD#1 & just over 3 years from the trust destroying DD#3. We're still together but my patience is nearly gone. And now there's this.

After DD#3 I felt I had to let OM's wife know what happened. I live half way across the country so I mailed a certified letter to the address I snooped up. The signature I got back seemed a bit mannish & my WW agreed that it might be OM's writing. I then sent a series of identical letters every day for a week figuring one had to reach OM's wife. I gave my contact info in the letters but never heard from her. This all took place in the summer of 2011.

A couple days ago my WW came home from working her night shift & asked if I'd sent her another letter. I'd often wondered if OM's wife ever got the message & even considered sending another letter within the last couple weeks.

I asked why she wanted to know & she dropped this bomb on me. The OM's wife is the woman who was arrested for killing her 2 year old and slashing her 13 year old in Oregon this past weekend. Horrifying.

I'm just trying to process this nightmare. Was my WW implying that it was my fault? Do I deserve to share any blame? Did I do the wrong thing in writing OM's wife about the affair? What an awful mess this is.

[This message edited by utterly broken at 3:39 PM, October 27th (Monday)]

It is a very sad case but IMO you don't own any part of this.

Playing devil's advocate, have you verified that this WAS the same woman? I wouldn't trust an unremorseful wayward.

What in the world makes a mother do that to her kids? I would almost understand if it was her husband she attacked. Regardless of any circumstances, those children were innocent.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

I think your wife should be counting her blessings to be removed from that. Whatever the reasons, that woman became homicidal. Very sad

A couple days ago my WW came home from working her night shift & asked if I'd sent her another letter.

Oh Utterly, I am so sorry to hear this. I live in Maryland and this story has been all over the news. Of course, this has nothing to do with you.

As to your WW, there is something very wrong with her. For five years, she behaves like a horny 17 year old, exchanging blow jobs for acts a simple "thank you" would suffice. How dare she lay this on you! It does not sound like she is remorseful at all. So, while you had absolutely nothing to do with this tragedy, in my opinion your WW did imply that you were somehow responsible. I would toss her trashy, selfish behind to the curb. She does not deserve you.

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.

I read your profile and was mortified at what happened to you.

So I gotta ask is your WW in IC?

Be strong don't take the blame.

Responsibility for this in no way shape or form rests with you.

Peace.

If your WW seems to be passing blame to you I would question her, not your actions.

Remember, for every action there is a reaction.

And who knows what reactions your wife and the OM caused. And who knows what the hell has gone on in the past three years in that woman's life.

I think one of the hardest questions is whether or not to let the other BS know or not.

(Geez, I should sometimes listen to myself too)

Your letters, even if sent last week, did not cause this. The woman's actions did. The affair may have caused a psychotic break, deep depression, etc, that may have contributed, but even so - you did not cause the affair.

The only thing that you did was give her the truth so that she could make her own choices - something OM had been depriving of her. You did not make her choices, you did not cause her pain about the affair, and you certainly did not cause her mental breakdown/psychosis/antisocial beahvior, or whatever that caused her to kill her child.

Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013