I love him so much and yet I cannot imagine doing this to him. The A has such an impact of self doubt, insecurity, anger..etc etc. that why would a loving human do such a thing to someone they love? I think that a lot.. like HOW could he do this to me.. to us? And WHY did he do this, what did he think was going to happen? He had been cheated on before by other girlfriends and he always said he would NEVER do that to someone.. so HOW could he knowingly do that even after he had experienced being cheated on and those feelings? UGH. Not being able to just vent to him too is hard - because you don't want to cause a huge fight or have him say "I thought we were moving forward but obviously not".. I want to move forward and feel like I am but I just have some days where I get so frustrated with the whole A that I wish I could just say HOW COULD YOU.. but its reopening that wound again.
I feel like he is truly remorseful, I feel like we are doing well and he is doing a lot for me and us... I just get these days that make me think of the alternative.. how much easier it would be to not deal with these feelings.. just moving on alone. But I know in my heart I love him so much and these feelings just come in waves and do eventually go away. I just have moments where I will think of something to do with the A and I will just start crying because its just not right what he did and now I get to deal with his selfish mistake. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent :) Heres to good days.. and hopefully less often frustrating ones. If anyone has tips to help me deal with these - or a way of communicating with your WS that seems effective during these times please let me know :)
You deserve more TIDBD!
[This message edited by RomanticInnocenc at 3:36 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]
wow... yeah, my H had been cheated on by two long term relationship partners, and had had a lousy marriage where he was treated like a dog. Then we met, I was his Angel ... and then he cheated for the first time in his life, on me.
I am just three months out from D day, and I totally understand every one of the feelings that you have. Yes, we can feel and see that they are remorseful, and they do things to help, and they go to IC and maintain NC & etc... and then they say or do a totally asinine thing that makes us go WTH??? Is your head still in the fog???
I understand how you can love someone so much and then have days where it just seems its better if they did not come home. I understand the hope that H proves his love by constancy... but that we have to get over the trauma of them proving how much they have not loved. It forms an almost physical lump in the throat that we constantly have to try to swallow back. Its the hardest thing we will ever have to do, and we don't know if we are doing the right thing by giving them this gift -- but because we still love, it is really the only thing we can do.
Take some solace from knowing that I and a whole lot of newbies here are right there with you in every dark moment, we understand and we send out love and support, especially seeing as how so many others love and support us here. You are in the best of company xoxo
Verbalize. Discuss. Let him see the pain he's caused. Try to prevent snarky comments. Address it all
For the last couple of days I have just been so down. I know I should be able to voice my concerns.. and I do.. but then he just gets so down on himself and as much as he should I love him and don't want him to feel down too. Is that messed up?
I was crying today about how stupid I was.. trusting anything he said.. even when in my gut I thought hmm that seems odd.. I know now to trust my gut. But I never would've thought he'd do this to me.. never in a million years.. but I guess we all think that. I just wonder sometimes if we'll ever be truly happy again or will this plague me for the rest of my life if I stay with him. Is that wrong?