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User Topic: Why can't I just walk away?
ThrownAwayTwice
♀ Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the last month or two WH and I have been discussing R. Well, a bit more that just discussing... I guess I would have to call it dating. We live separately, and don't see each other every day, but go out to festivals and dinners etc. Last night he came over and we were watching a movie and having a couple drinks. He kept texting, I thought it was his friend... But at one point he pulled me in to cuddle I saw her name in his conversation history. Above mine from twenty minutes before when he sent me a silly picture. He was sitting next to me, holding my hand and texting that skank.
I got upset, but figured that since we had been drinking it was a bad time to talk about it. So I just went to bed. This morning I woke up obsessing about the broken NC. Likely it was never really NC. We argued, and he says that he doesn't talk to her normally, but not because of me. That he hates the way it makes him feel.
How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?
It feels like this is when I should call it quits, go back to 180 NC. Ride out the rest of the separation and file for divorce when the mandatory year is up. But part of me still wants to find a way to work it out. Does that ever go away?


BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...


Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2014
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure why you can't just walk away.
Is it fear of being alone?
You gave him a chance, and he had the balls to text her while being with you, he wasn't even attempting to hide it?

Do you really deserve to be a choice, or shared? I don't think so.

Read up on 180, and do not give him the opportunity to manipulate you again. Actions not words. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is noise. The stuff he does, that's where the real proof of character is, and he has NONE.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
HighlandPaddy
♂ Member
Member # 43930
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You haven't just walked away because you are a good person with alot of love in your heart, in spite of the pain that has been inflicted upon you.
There's a bond that you and your husband have that is making you unwilling to just give up.
You have to give yourself and your marriage the chance to recover from this, and that is exactly what you are doing.
Keep your head up, and your eyes open. The only way out of this mess is through it.


So live your life that fear of death can never enter your heart.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: NY
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?

Nope, you're not missing anything. That's exactly what he's telling you. He is enjoying having two women. All those days that you don't see him, you can guess who he's with.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2080 | Registered: Jan 2013
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't walk away. RUN.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he texted ow while sitting next to.you and trying to R with you, then I don't see how this will work unless your willing to sit and wait for his A to burn out. Love was mentioned above, yes you may love him but that doesn't mean you subject yourself to his repeated betrayal. When you.love your ws that is extremely difficult to walk away but you do it because you love and value yourself. Unless you want an open M because that's what he's doing, your just not. I'm not one that believes love prevails and fixes everything because love can get you in a mess if the one you love isn't treating you the way you treat them. I'm really sorry but he's got some big balls to text that woman while with you.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:05 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5125 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
ThrownAwayTwice
♀ Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She left him a month or two ago. I read at least a couple of msg's. It doesn't seem like she is interested at all. She was monosylabic.
The thing that gets me is his response to me getting upset to see her in his text history at all. He agreed to NC. But now my feelings are irrelevant.
ETA: I was already concerned that I was plan B. Kind of looks like I was right to be concerned

[This message edited by ThrownAwayTwice at 4:18 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...


Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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