So missed, are you in IC? I think that that could be really helpful for you. I know that recently my counselors have helped me look at my childhood and my tendency (perhaps need) to always make the best of things, and how that led me to lower my expectations throughout my M. I am trying to stop doing that, and my H is really stepping up.
Also, you need to ask yourself if your H is capable of treating you well. The fact that he is blaming you in any way for his A does not bode well. Is he in IC? Does he want to change and be the man that you deserve?
Best of luck to you honey.