Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: first time talking to a counselor
GoodAsICanBe
♂ Member
Member # 44359
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did it again being selfless. We kept talking about what I want and I really dug deep. I want her to be happy I want her to fill that nasty hole inside her. I want her to be able to value herself. I want her to do better...and no I am not playing her off as a victim she did wrong. She made the conscious decision to do what she did. I am looking at this from all perspectives including our kids. If she betters herself she will be happier. And she won't have to need to fill that hole with alcohol and drugs and forbidden relationships. I did not make this mess but I want us both to come out of it stronger. I want to be able to walk away from this and know that her mental state is fine and that our children will be fine.


Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 5
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: not divorcing
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: U.S.
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does she want? You can't do it for her, she has to want it too.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:46 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37981 | Registered: Sep 2007
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll second authentics question. What does SHE want?

I said many of those same words for four long years out from Dday #1 in 2010. She didn't want any of those things and rugswept right into OM / A #2.

We love our spouses and our families, but unless your wife is willing to do the hard work involved in everything you described, you can want in one hand and do you know what in the other and see which hand fills up first.

Wishing you luck and strength.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
GoodAsICanBe
♂ Member
Member # 44359
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She says she is but it also doubles because she never told me anything I had to get my answers myself so I can't trust a damn thing she says she can tell me she is working on herself and she could be but my outlook right now is she is full of shit everything that falls out of her mouth...but with actions can SHOW me and if I don't see any improvement then I can take my kids and walk and be able to say I honestly tried


Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 5
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: not divorcing
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: U.S.
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do YOU want? If this is IC, that's the primary question.

Come to think of it, if it's MC, you need to answer that question.

Or are you saying that you want a D in any case, and you want her to be able to make it on her own?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10341 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
GoodAsICanBe
♂ Member
Member # 44359
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still in limbo its only been a week and he asked what I wanted the only thing I want right this moment is the hurt to stop...maybe the images to go away I am so tired of seeing them..I wish she could have told me something anything at all.


Me:BH 24
Her:WW 26
2 DS's 4 & 5
DDay 1 July 21st OM1 (TT)
DDAY 2 July 24th OM2 (TT)
Final DDay August 7th (I hope..)
Status: not divorcing
Love is not justification enough for your bullshit.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: U.S.
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.