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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

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User Topic: Leave or Stay? So confused
PDOFF!
♀ Member
Member # 28079
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After fWS let me down yet again last night I wrote this

"Well I can't believe it's been 4 years since I was last on here, doesn't time fly when you're having fun! NOT. I've been on one hell of a roller coaster in that time, denial, anger, reconciliation and now realisation that I think I need to leave. Problem is I don't actually want to :-( Reasons to stay - I love fws, my kids are very attached to ws and it would crucify them if we D, I can't bear the thought of WS being with someone else, I gave up work to be a ft mum and haven't got a penny to my name. We're in the middle of moving house to be in catchment area for our kids school. Reasons to leave - I'm totally miserable, fws makes NO EFFORT or contribution to our marriage, I feel that if I was financially independent then I'd leave.
I'm so tired of being in Limbo, but feel emotionally and financially trapped. I don't know what to do :-("

And then this morning I woke up and heard fWS downstairs and my heart leapt and I felt really happy he was still home (he was supposed to be at work). WTFik is going on??? My head is a total mush, I feel so drained and confused, I just don't know what to do anymore.


BS - me 37 WH- 41
PA 9th may 09 -1st april 10
Married 19yrs together 21
Ds -4 Dd -2
D-Day #1 26th July 2009
D-Day #2 30th September 2009 same ow
D-Day #3 1st April 2010 same
"Love grows where trust is laid & love dies where trust is betr

Posts: 666 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: UK
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any advice....I am in the same place.

When we made the appointment for the 2nd round of marriage counseling, I told the counselor I would be there....unless I won the lottery.

Good luck on figuring this shit out!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 453 | Registered: Nov 2013
PDOFF!
♀ Member
Member # 28079
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Oakstreet, thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you're going through the same. Probably says something tho, if we won the lottery we'd leave?


BS - me 37 WH- 41
PA 9th may 09 -1st april 10
Married 19yrs together 21
Ds -4 Dd -2
D-Day #1 26th July 2009
D-Day #2 30th September 2009 same ow
D-Day #3 1st April 2010 same
"Love grows where trust is laid & love dies where trust is betr

Posts: 666 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: UK
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're in this place and that you've been on this horrible ride for so long.

I don't have a lot of advice, except to say that sometimes the time isn't right jut yet. But, if you know that you would want to leave if you had the means to support yourself, I would probably start looking into ways to try to do that. It could take a while, but if that's the goal, start walking toward that goal now. I wouldn't want to D without a dime to my name and no recent experience in the work force either. It's got to be scary as hell and so stressful. But, if you can get back into a job and/or have a chance to go back to school to try to build or further a career, do it. Once you feel like you have more of a choice and are not so trapped, then you can make a decision that you know will be best for you.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2811 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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