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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Doing the little things again
918Mama
♀ Member
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night I was away until after the kids were in bed, working in schoolwork. I hadn't had any dinner and figured FWH hadn't either, so I picked up some of our favorite starters from a local restaurant and had an adults only picnic with my man.

He talked about how nice it was and how surprised he was, and I realized something...I don't do the little things for him anymore. Obviously after d day, it wasn't going to happen. But I think in the last couple of years of recovery, I just stopped caring about doing the little things that make him feel special and important.

Today I picked him up a coffee on the way home. Again, getting something for the kids and thought "ooh! The mister would like that!"

His birthday is next week and I'm thinking of ways to make him feel special. Bless his heart, I don't know how he's hung in there the last 2+ years getting NONE of this from me, but doing all the little things FOR me constantly and consistently.

I guess new life can come from dead things after all. Who knew??

Now...who has birthday ideas???


Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 600 | Registered: Dec 2012
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
Feelthrownaway
♀ Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so sweet :) For his birthday..take him somewhere he likes to go like a day of hiking, bowling, whatever it is he enjoys. For me the best gifts I get are the ones I have mentioned I like while out with my husband. Such as I would say off hand, I wish I had a huge basket of bubble bath and laughed. He got it for me for xmas.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
Hurtbuthopeful35
♀ Member
Member # 44302
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he really enjoys the little things, what about little notes leading up to his bday?

You could write "I'm glad you are born because..." (I get to hear your infectious laugh. You gave me our children. Etc.) hide them where he will find them (a sticky on his coffee cup, a note in his briefcase, tucked in a shoe).

One year my husband went on a business trip. After he packed I tucked notes in his belongings so he'd find them whenever he used them. I wrote things like, "I love you from head to toe" and then would tuck it in a sock, for example. He still mentions it.


Me: BW 35
Him: WH 44
DS: age 11
Dday 1 10/2010: Sexual OA (Internet, exgf)
Dday 2 6/22/2014: Sexual OA/EA w same exgf since 10/2010
DDay 3 6/23/2014: actually PA w/ same OW beginning 5/2011
8/23/2014 attempted to break NC

Reconciling


Posts: 595 | Registered: Jul 2014
peaceBmine
♀ Member
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jul 2014
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how he's hung in there the last 2+ years getting NONE of this from me, but doing all the little things FOR me constantly and consistently.

918Mama, this takes a lot of maturity to acknowledge. Have you read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman bc what you are doing - bringing thoughtful gifts reminds me of that. Do you like gifts? I do! Even the little gestures like a cup of coffee say, I know you.


Birthday gift ideas? What does he like? golf? running? travel? eating? So many options once you know and I am sure you do!

Great to read a positive post!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2611 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 6

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