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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: stbxww got a tattoo of our "love"
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Target  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand.. i am NC with my stbxww. She sends me a text last night to show me a tattoo she got on her back. She sent me a picture. She got the tattoo she wanted back when we were R. It is about the song we shared. I lost my shit. It hurt so much. Why would she show me this? Why would she end our R by talking to the OM again and cheating on me, tell me we are over, then go and do this? Why when I am finally moving on does she sent this to me? It's so beauitful and I will never get to see it in person, get to love her again, or have a single moment ever again. I asked her why is she doing this to me? This is what she she said:

"even if we aren't together ill remember you forever. i regret so much and im so sorry.....im sorry. i just wanted you to know and see it. you will not hear from me again. "

I asked her why did she break our R and have to talk to the sleazly OM. All she said is:

"sorry it was a mistake showing you. forget it."

I told her I can't just forget it. Stop being so selfish and answer me.

she said, "it was important to me. remind me i had love once. and it was pure before i tainted it. i dont regret getting this. i stand firm in my decision to be apart. it's the right thing. my tattoo is a memory for me of good times and I love it. im sorry goodbye"

WTF??!?!?! What the hell is she doing? Someone help me understand. I don't get her. How can she throw me aside for her A, over and over, end R, break my heart by telling me she doesn't love me. Then go get a tattoo to remind her of me?! Then torture me by sending me a picture of it? Does she not understand that all she is doing it reminding me of what I lost? WTF is her problem? Does she get pleasure out of ripping a man apart? Is that why she does this?


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't get it.

It is still all about her. To make herself feel better. She is still playing with your heart and emotions.

You need to cut this type of communication off with her. Remember: NC=No new hurt

You should have said:

(big yawn) . . .show someone who cares . . .(yawn) . . what's OM think of it? Never mind I have to go, goodbye, (click)


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 633 | Registered: Mar 2003
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's so hurtful.

But why won't I block her number? What the fuck is wrong with me to keep subjecting myself to her?


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing is wrong with you. You are a loving caring human being, and it's hard to just turn that off. Make this hurt the motivation you need to cut her off. She is selfish and toxic. So sorry you have to deal with her cruelty.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1976 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then go get a tattoo to remind her of me?! Then torture me by sending me a picture of it? Does she not understand that all she is doing it reminding me of what I lost? WTF is her problem? Does she get pleasure out of ripping a man apart? Is that why she does this?

She is torturing you because she can. Yes, she is enjoying this. It is consistent with her behaviour so far.

Block her in every way you can. It will give her fewer opportunities to hurt you.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
RomanticInnocenc
♀ Member
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Justme, I'm a big fan of language and I just wanted to point some stuff out to you.
It's so beauitful and I will never get to see it in person, get to love her again, or have a single moment ever again.

I've read your profile, that was some f*card up shit she pulled. So I'm wondering this. Why do you want to love her again? Why do you see it as beautiful? Why would you want to see it? What would another moment with her give you? She deserted you when you needed her most and has never been truly remorseful for her actions. What exactly did you get out of the relationship that makes you crave to get back in. From your profile and this stunt, she's not acting extremely loveable. This action is about power.
reminding me of what I lost?

What did you lose? A woman who's morals and values are so non existent that she was sleeping with an om while you were in the hospital for attempted suicide. Who dumped you when she was found out so as to not face the consequences.

These are not questions designed to kick you when you're down. Obviously you loved this woman very much. But they are questions you need to answer so that you can start working through the hold she has over you and your inability to let go of something extremely toxic. Read the last paragraph of your bio over and over, it makes a lot of sense and is quite wise!


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 383 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To me, getting the tattoo was stupid and impulsive and manipulative. Aloy of the same behaviors that waywards exhibit during affairs.

I am sorry you are hurting, but I really don't think she cares.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2295 | Registered: Feb 2010
Forged1
♂ Member
Member # 43418
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so she can tell herself or anybody who will listen that 'she tried' or that 'she cared'. She has to have that to show to others W's o she can 'prove' she's not the Bad Guy in all of this.

Step back for a second. There's an OM or AP in the picture, right? Well, if you ever needed proof that she's been feeding him a line of shit as well as yourself, here it is. What good is any person who gets into a relationship with somebody new and then gets a tattoo related to an ex done in the middle of the new relationship? She's already messing with the new guy's head and that situation is - relatively speaking - barely even started.

It's all about drama and attention and pitiful attempts to fill the screaming void inside herself. She can't sit still long enough by herself because the slightest sliver of introspection, the briefest moment of stillness shows just how much of a shell and fraud of a person she is.

D is a couple of months away. Fill your metaphorical sandbags, load and lay out your magazines and check your weapons. Set your self-esteem and self-respect on full auto, and hunker down. She knows you're detaching and almost gone, so she's probing your positions before an all-out assault. She's going to come back at some point between now and November and make bullshit noises about getting back together, and she'll do that so she can say to everybody that she tried, right down to the last minute, sge TRIED to make it work with you. And then everybody will look all sad and tell her how great she is for trying, and she gets a big bag of ego kibbles.

Block her phone, don't meet with her anywhere under ANY circumstances and do not open the door if she shows up.

You're almost done with her. She'll be gone soon and your life will be better than it ever has been since you met her.

Be strong. Be vigilant. But above all, be prepared for shit to get ugly and very crazy.


Me: BH - 30s
Her: WW - 30s

Married - 2008
PA with boss for at least 5 months in 2013, possibly longer.
DDay - Feb 2014
Separated, heading to D
==================================
At this stage, I'm pretty much bulletproof.


Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
syhoybenden
♂ Member
Member # 44406
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's twisting the knife just because it makes her feel good. " Oh I have such a dramatic life worthy of novelization. Yada yada yada."

Your feelings are inconsequential to her.

Just let her quickly recede in your rear-view mirror.


Posts: 52 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: ontario canada
GetEvenInAZ
♀ Member
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many good points made above, read and re -read!

Only addition i have is that this is classic passive-aggressive behavior. Try not to fall into her codependancy trap. This behavior sucks because it makes YOU the bad guy. And one thing us co-d's hate is being responsible for someone elses bad behavior which we have no control over.


Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my. She's a piece of work. Please stop talking to her, unless it's about finances, divorce or kids. She's is so manipulative. I'm such a bitch that if the Gnat had pulled a stunt like that, I would have said "ouch, that'll be expensive to remove".

[This message edited by newlysingle at 10:57 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 961 | Registered: Mar 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While you can't make sense out of nonsense I would say- she sent it to you to get ego kibbles. To prove that you still have feelings. See, eventually the thrill of the A dies and usually a WS will hunt down ways to get those highs that they got in the A. So many times we hear about cheaters cheating on their AP or trying to hoover the BS back in.

IMO, that's what your STBXWW is doing.

If she's following other wayward patterns, I'd guess that she has used the same song with the OM. They don't tend to be imaginative. So often a WS will recycle special activities, nicknames, songs and so on.

Since it's been all about her up until now, I'd be willing to bet that this is still all about her and getting what she can from you, the OM and anyone else that asks her about her "oh s special" tat. Because if she wanted a reminder of a love that meant so much to her for the rest f her life...she would have done the work to R and been gifted with your love rather than some ink on her back that she can ignore when she feels like it.

So follow her example- ignore it, Let her go shopping for ego kibbles somewhere else.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11282 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some waywards continue to tap into that special part of hell and find the energy to continue to expand their path of destruction.

You have done a wise thing to remove yourself from her destructive self.

Time to block her number and never look back.

Peace be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:41 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her lie: Look, I got this special tat for you. Aren't I awesome?

Her truth: what? You don't like it? Well, fuck you, I got this awesome tat for mmmmeeeeeeee.

Seriously dude, what a manipulative, selfish bitch.. She wants a REMINDER of one of the worst things in her life she has ever done to someone? Well fuck, isn't that nice how proud of herself she is.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2698 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
justme1264
♂ Member
Member # 42890
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all are so awesome. Thank you so much. I called my wireless carrier and had her blocked. Unfortunately my cell phone is too cheap to block her so I paid the extra 5$ a month to have the service activated to keep her number from causing my more harm. It is money worth spent.

Seriously, all of your responses are taken to heart and I appreciate them all. (((all of you)))


Me 30s = BS
Her 20s= WW
She had two affairs between 2012-2014 that are confirmed. DD#1 3/2014. DD#2 11/2014.
Divorcing 11/2014
R? = I am still trying to figure that out.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Freeme
♀ Member
Member # 31946
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear that you blocked her. After reading your post I had to read your profile to understand how someone could be that Sick and Cruel.

In between all these DDs my wife kept separating from me, keeping me on the side, stringing me along, and in the dark.

I agree with the other posters, she likes hurting you. Doing something that could be considered "loving" in an effort to twist that knife a little further. I have no doubt that if given a chance in a few months she will give that knife another twist...

You need to stay clear of this person for your own health. NC=no new hurt

I'm so sorry she did this to you.


Posts: 263 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Washington DC
areyoukidding
♀ Member
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry she put you through that, justme1264. She is cruel, toxic and screwing with your healing. Good job that you blocked her.

It is about the song we shared.

She's probably "shared" the same song with the OM and told him that she got the tat as a symbol of their "lurve". My XH used to pull that shit all of the time. He was always using songs/places/quotes/experiences that he and I shared with his OW because his sorry ass couldn't come up with that stuff on his own. It's so fucked up.

Not being in contact with her will help you get back on your path. Indifference is a great place to be. Here's hoping you get there soon.


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 643 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When her head gets straight... and it will one day... she will hate that reminder of her selfish, lying, cheating, demeaning nature.

LIving well is the best revenge.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 397 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I despise her for causing you pain, I would love to be a fly on the wall when she explains the significance of the tatt to the next man. THAT gonna be one whopper of a justified lie.

Keep doing what you can to minimize her presence in your life. It really does help in your healing.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5550 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everything shiloe said.
It's all about her.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 34
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