Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: BellaBoo (44915)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Bad Day
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This quote pushed me over the edge today, “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”

Maybe my husband doesn't love me? Will the pain stop? Am I second best? Will I always be the understudy in his heart?

He tries to reassure me, but I am filled with doubts.


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
SoTired011114
♀ New Member
Member # 43014
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Hugs)))))) I actually used to like this quote. I guess because Johnny depp said it. Hehe but now I too, have doubts. Even though my WH swears that he never loved her (even though he told her he did) it really makes me wonder. I don't think he didn't love me anymore but I feel like his love for me was wayyyy less at the time of the A.

And then I also think that it has nothing to do with loving me. It has to do with loving himself. Which is something that he is working on now.

I'm only 7 months out and the pain is still unbearable at times, but Ii think I'm starting to have more good days then bad.


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 3 years, together 6
DDay: 1/11/2014- internet/phone EA
Status: Giving it all we've got.

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2014
cluless
♀ Member
Member # 40538
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a year out and I have more good days than bad. Yet I feel the same way, deep inside, if he truly loved me, he wouldn't have strayed.

I wish people would think about somebody other than themselves when they decide to screw around. I had a pact with my WH that he would tell me if he wanted to go outside the M, he obviously didn't honor it.

I'm in my mid 50's and I look in the mirror now and doubt my attractiveness, I feel so ugly and unwanted. At times I can't stand staring at myself in the mirror, yet the clock keeps ticking and I get less and less desirable. Sorry, I'm having a bad day today, it's my 16 wedding anniversary, I'm alone crying in my bedroom.


WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am almost a year out from DDday and can tell you that it's taken me that long to finally START figuring out & really believing my FWH & others when they tell you that the A really did have NOTHING to do with you & very rarely involves love!

It is about their own "broken" AND the broken of the AP as well. Your WS is the one with the problems, not you.

IF you feel you are ready, read in the Wayward Forum. It has helped me learn MUCH about the thinking of WAYWARDS.


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 212 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really should not have put the "rolling eyes" on my previous post...the Wayward Forum really has helped me a lot. Apologies for that!


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 212 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok number one, that shit he had with her.... that's not love.
Number two that quote is some bullshit justification for fucking over the person you promised to be with forever.
Three if Johnny Depp said it you have to know it's crap cause that dude is a goofball.

Quit basing your present off of other people's fucked up mess.

Seriously sister. You need to look at your situation. And base it off of his actions alone.

Sorry so blunt but I'm having a heat stroke at the moment and it makes me cranky.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8463 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
amanda123
♀ Member
Member # 43207
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AndreaL I also felt quite alarmed when I read that quote on FB. When I thought about it, its pretty stupid. I think how you perceive things and the frame of mind you are in when you read them can have an effect on you. Half of those quotes can be accurate and the other half well just keep scrolling have you seen some of the spelling!!!
I'm with tushnurse it's a bunch of crap.
Cluless my heart goes out to you, many hugs. Age is just a number. Brad Pitt is 50 who wouldn't want him. George Clooney is even older. Pierce Brosnan older still. Demi Moore, Heather Locklear Elle MacPherson all 50 plus, granted we may not all look like those people only because they have the money to treat themselves to a little plastic surgery or maybe a lot or have personal trainers to keep them in shape, but we can look after ourselves and its never too late to start. Please do not think that you are undesirable. If you want to feel better about yourself then start doing little things and you will be surprised at how your self esteem will grow.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014
kaylee711
♀ New Member
Member # 44435
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Andrea,

My college boyfriend used almost that same excuse verbatim... I wondered why he feared commitment, but the way he put it was: "I love the thought of you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you". That was enough hurt for me to end it (only after 6 months of commitment)...

Plus, it would have been interesting to hear what he said to the other 2 "secret" girlfriends - he lost all three relationships, so my guess is that "he loved the thought of them second, third...." How many more ways can you say something like that - leading on definitely.

Bad Day, here, too, but the best post I've seen was "...don't try to blame or find fault with yourself"... Some WS's make up terrible quotes because they need to justify behavior. You're not in the wrong... at all.....

[This message edited by kaylee711 at 7:15 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Texas
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This quote, jeez. It's absolute nonsense.

The cheating is not about loving the OW better--it's about his being broken and having bad coping mechanisms.

I can't say whether you come in second with your WH, bit the cheating is not about your being inadequate at all.

(((Andrea))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4151 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
ReconcilingWife
♀ Member
Member # 44420
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fall into that way of thinking sometimes too (that way of thinking, and that way of yelling at him), but I know it really really isn't the case. As Norabird says, it's about him being broken and having bad coping mechanisms.


Me: BS, 41
Him: WS, 47
DD: May 30, 2014 (2 month affair)

Married 13 years
2 children

Trying to reconcile


Posts: 150 | Registered: Aug 2014
Delilah169
♀ Member
Member # 43689
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First - clueless - STOP thinking that way! You are beautiful, intelligent, have strength of character, and your H making some dumbass decision born of selfishness and stupidity does not make you a different person. It has taken me a LONG time to understand this, and I'm not 100% there, but you have to think good things about yourself, or you'll just go crazy. I bet if you thought hard on this, you'll realize he affaired down BIG time.

Second - Andrea - He didn't love her! He may have convinced himself he did to justify his guilt, but it was all based on lies. He HAD to think that or he wouldn't have been able to cheat. He's there, with you and apparently trying to work on R. Don't doubt yourself. He didn't "fall" for anyone except his penis. Try to always remember that.

Hugs


Me - BS, Him - WS
Her - POS WB Fake Friend
Married - 22 Years, together 25
One 21 yo DD
DD - 4/28/13, TT since then
Trying hard for R
"Life might be a little simpler if we just got over it"
"It all seems so clear in hindsight"

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2014
AndreaL
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who takes the time to respond. I don't know what i would do without you all.

Last night was hard, I let my mind wander and got caught up in all my pain.

Today will be a better day.x


Me:35
Hubby:38
Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile


Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
Sharkysharky
♂ New Member
Member # 41896
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look up Aubrie (I think it was ?) who responded to this exact same quote. It's the difference between love and luuuuurrrve. Her response is incredibly insightful and should put your mind at ease. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard and seperates the men from the boys.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.