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Newest Member: Purple2985 (45323)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New family vs first kids
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Text from xh today: "Did you plan anything for DD11 birthday ?"

Me: "No, it's Labor Day weekend, you always have the kids then. I will do a party for her and her friends after her birthday."

XH: "I don't know where I will be Labor Day. You should plan it, I can't plan anything until the baby is born."

So, last year it was a big deal. He wanted both, DD17 for her Sweet 16 birthday and DD 11 for Labor Day weekend. I was not supposed to get them at all on their actual birthdays. This year, with the new baby with OW on the way, he could care less . I believe it is a sign of things to come; divorce with kids and adding new families on top is such a sad affair... I never bothered much to think about it but now, when a married father or mother tell me they are bored or unhappy or just not in love anymore, they will have to listen to some of the stuff DDs have to go through because of their father's selfishness. It is not pretty.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fucking asshole. ((((DDs))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25700 | Registered: Aug 2011
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XH: "I don't know where I will be Labor Day. You should plan it, I can't plan anything until the baby is born."
You: "Then should I plan that I'll have the kids that weekend?"


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonnabe, already take care of and birthday party planned :-)


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DDs)))

Posts: 35812 | Registered: Mar 2011
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so sad, but it happens *all the time*...

In a weird way I'm very thankful my dad just walked out on us with a childless woman.

He wanted nothing to do with us after he left, and I didn't see him again until several years later.

I got to stay over at their place when I got into my late teens, but he wanted nothing to do with younger children.

I think it was for the best, way less messy than the wrangling you all have to do back and forth with these clowns.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
trying_2_recover
♀ Member
Member # 28778
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to play devil's advocate a bit here and ask do you know when the baby is due to arrive? Could it be possible he doesn't know if he'll be at the hospital during that time?

Outside of that possibility...yeah it's an asshole move.


Posts: 243 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Washington
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t2r, the baby is due end of August. Of course he does not know and I don't blame him, he certainly is not in control of when the baby is coming. However, he is in control how to handle DD11 and her birthday and all it takes is to say:

- 'I don't know where I will be Labor Day. I am going to address it with DD11 and plan something special with her later.'

- 'I don't know where I will be Labor Day. Can I contribute to the birthday party you plan in any way.'

No problem with either one... DD11 is terribly upset that the baby might be born on her actual birthday, since she was born on 09/1 which happened to be Labor Day that year. The way he is coming off now is that DD11 does not matter. She is old enough to know that this would usually be the holiday weekend her father has her. It is difficult to watch having your child, who has tried to please her father so hard take a back seat and even if it is something as 'minor' as a birthday.

My thinking is this - he already has a stepDD who spends more time with him than DDs because OW has more custody of her daughter than her XH. He will now add another child, who will be with him (and OW) 100% of the time. DDs will come last and will spend least time with him; it is a hard pill to swallow when you are 14 and 9 when your father leaves the family...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thinking is this - he already has a stepDD who spends more time with him than DDs because OW has more custody of her daughter than her XH. He will now add another child, who will be with him (and OW) 100% of the time. DDs will come last and will spend least time with him; it is a hard pill to swallow when you are 14 and 9 when your father leaves the family...

This is exactly how DD8's life is. She spends the least amount of time with her own father. The shitter is that her stepsister has spent more time in her young life with my DD's father than DD has. She even calls XH "daddy." And DD also has a halfsister to compete with. It fucking breaks my heart that DD gets the leftovers of her father's attention and love. And to top it all off I get to deal with XMIL and XFIL thinking their son is father of the year. I still maintain a relationship with them for DD's sake because she loves them so much.

It's all so terribly unfair. Hugs to your DDs.


Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
Topic Posts: 9

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