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Newest Member: LostinBluseas (45054)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Coolata rant
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My stbxwh is on dating sites, and I know it. In fact he admits it, says it's his right. We're not together, right? read that: I am not sleeping with him. Nor doing his laundry, etc. So, Gee, what else is a fella to do? I know.
I don't want him back. I asked him for a while if he would go to counselling and that was met with silence. Ok, got it. Finally. Last night he had a "date" for coffee and I knew what time and was fully planning on showing up -- perhaps dumping my coolata in his lap and leaving.( I have all this pent-up anger, things I never did at each junction) But I didn't. It actually didn't work out -- stalking rarely does. And as I drove home to be with my kids I regained my head and realized To Hell with Him.
The problem, that comes back and back...is this: he is still here in this house. Our house.Every day. And it makes me feel like a fool, like some poor loser whose H just does what he wants...which I guess is exactly what is going on! I have't yet filed. Oh boy am I ready, but the money I have for that may be needed for my son's lawyer. Tuesday is the arraignment so I guess I will just wait for Tuesday. (**sigh**)


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Shocked  Posted: 6:16 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just read something my stbxwh wrote (to a woman)how it's "not that difficult" for us to live in separate parts of the house because we were together 26 years and the last 5 were of "nothingness".
Nothingness?? NOTHingness?? DD for me was 4/13...the year before that was me in constant anguish over his mysterious behaviour (which was clear to anyone else, but i trusted him). The year before that I was pretty much recovering from brain surgery and working and raising our kids and and and -- oblivious. Nothingness? You selfish,self centered,long-suffering,aaaaaaaa! (This is next to impossible not using profanity)
I gave my whole....everything to this guy. I think this is the first I've really really let myself see how little I mattered. That sure explains the lack of remorse or trying or even sympathy on his part. He felt nothing.
I'm not ok this morning.
In case you all couldn't tell...It is a horror show for me to live like this. This piece of work was the love of my life. And our house is 1100 square feet, no hallways, I sleep on the couch in one living room, my son in the adjoining room on the other couch. WH took over our room and does as he pleases. The love of my life


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course he thinks it's easy, he has the room, you have the couch. Plus he's rewriting marital history so he can feel better about himself. What a doosh.

Here's hoping that you can file on Tuesday. Be sure to ask for exclusive use of the marital home.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1796 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Sad  Posted: 8:16 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly ( that word doesn't do justice ) tuesdays arraignment is for youngest son. Arrested selling drugs. No previous trouble, waited to turn 18 for this one. I know neither i nor wh are responsible for his actions but the last few years did my kids no favors


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no money, was given "divorce money" which is hidden in an envelope (more life-weirdness)but I may need it for a lawyer...for my son first.
I've always been able to do magic with a dollar... so maybe I can find a way...

[This message edited by ItllGetBetter at 8:19 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you read up here about the 180?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

Implement it. It will help you through this. It's not for him it's for you.

Don't let his "nothingness" bullshit get to you. He's trying to convince the next poor lass into believing he's not a complete piece of shit. It's got nothing to do with you.

I wish I lived closer to you. I'd get dressed up and come and take you out for a date or two.

Keep your chin up. It'll get better.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In-house separation is a bitch. In-house S with a dumb fuck who doesn't get it is even worse.

My x waited until he moved out before he actively started dating, but I did get to read all about his efforts to get back in touch with his stable of lovelies.

I'll never forget reading "Sex with my wife was good, but not freaky like with my girlfriends."

That right there let me know I'd made absolutely the right decision to get the hell out.

(((IGB))) hang in there. This too shall pass.

In the meantime, while he's out one day, reclaim your room and stick a latch on the door so he can stay on the couch.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 1:32 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17411 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Virginiagirl
♀ Member
Member # 41656
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is lying to himself. Remember they learn to compartmentalize in order to have an Affair, and that's why he can say it's so easy to still live together.
he's rewriting marital history so he can feel better about himself

^^This!

Look after yourself. Roll your eyes at his stupid need to go on dating sites, that he needs some reinforcement from someone else to make him feel better. We, you, on the other hand, are standing on the strength of our own 2 feet as we go through the most unexpected storm ever. We will come out the other side stronger and wiser, and they will go on being…them.


Me- BS-43
Him-WS-42
Married 15 years, living together 20
DDay May 2013
TT ongoing
2 kids, 10 & 15
OW- old girlfriend from High School, and now umpteen stupid groupie local ho-bags

We are done.


Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: utah
ItllGetBetter
♀ Member
Member # 42776
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roll your eyes at his stupid need to go on dating sites, that he needs some reinforcement from someone else to make him feel better. We, you, on the other hand, are standing on the strength of our own 2 feet as we go through the most unexpected storm ever. We will come out the other side stronger and wiser, and they will go on being…them.

This! You guys are so awesome. I think I truly turned a corner: His comment about "nothingness" is, now, just that. Sure (lightbulb moment) it explains the lack of empathy when loved ones of mine passed away, or when he left me in the hospital, arriving via-emergency for surgery in the middle of the night....how he could look at me, crumpled in a ball on the ground sobbing "why?"( before dd)..and feel...ta-daa! Nothing.


Gotta work on this bitter-thing...
married 26 years, together 31,childhood sweethearts
2 kids, 18 + 20
divorce is happening - it can't not

Posts: 88 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: connecticut
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((IllGetBetter)))

It sucks beyond words to know you were in a different M than your WH.

But the silver lining is that you are still the same authentic, lovely woman and you will be so much better off without his deadweight once you are free.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 10

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