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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Reconnecting with past love
coz626
♀ New Member
Member # 37704
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reconnected with an old boyfriend and it's been great talking to him. I had found happiness until this week. He's going through something and I can't 100% say I get it. We dated 24 years ago when I was in HS. Broke up just after. He's a really sweet guy who I believe would not hurt me or my girls and I can't fathom he's cheat on me. This week I posted on FB pictures of my ex-fiancée from years and years ago. It was the person that I dated after him. I wasn't dating him at the time that I got together with him but he still took it hard. Anyway I told him that I post pictures two times a year because he died 15 years ago in a motorcycle accident and myself and his friends do it to keep his memory alive. Well I guess the pics were too much for him to handle and I guess I get that. Was a bit of a reminder of that time and how it made him feel when I had moved on. But I still find it weird that he's as upset as he is and that he's distancing himself and saying he needs time to think. Says he loves me but that his head's a mess. Prior to the pictures everything was fine. We live in different states so that is a challenge but everything was going good. Any suggestions or ideas of what's going on?


Me: 37 Him: 39
D-Day 11/22/12 (Thanksgiving will never be the same)

Found out because technology is my friend not his.
Married: 14 yrs. separated: June 2014
2 kids

A lasted 2ish years.
OW: coworker


Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2012
Red Sox Nation
♂ Member
Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Given the situation, you're probably going to have to apologize and give up this tradition if you have any interest in continuing this relationship.

I'm not sure how I'd feel in his shoes - this is a very unusual situation. But I could see it driving a wedge.

I'm absolutely convinced it's harder to have a new beginning after the death of a partner than it is after infidelity ends a relationship.


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1915 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well as a guy I can see where that might have caused him some concern, especially if he has any self esteem issues. I could see it as a guy that dated a girl 24 years ago, she left me, got engaged, now 24 years later she is back in my life, I am excited to have her back, then he see's the pic's on FB and she is "pinning" for the guy she left me for.....I gotta say that would hurt, how much it hurts I guess is the question.

As a guy I think you need to be very honest with yourself in asking what you want from this "old boyfriend", then you need to very honestly, and directly let him know what you feel about the relationship, and what you want in the relationship.

Directness always worked best with me, it is one of the things I love most about my SO!

BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2012
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry double post!

BSB

[This message edited by bigskyblues at 5:56 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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